AND HERE’S MODI
AND HERE’S MODI is an inside look at the man behind the microphone. Hosted by comedian, Modi (@modi_live), AHM features a raw and unfiltered side of the comedian rarely seen on stage. He always finds the funny as he navigates the worlds of comedy, trending topics, his personal life and spirituality. AHM is co-hosted by Periel Aschenbrand (@perielaschenbrand) and Leo Veiga (@leo_veiga_).
AND HERE’S MODI
Episode 99
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Episode 99: The AH"M crew reunites. PS - this may be our last episode until February 1st!
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Welcome to Andy's Modi. And we're back with Andy Hears Modi in the studio today, blessed with the presence of Leo Vega, who's back and and and Svelte and looking sharp and and and I don't know tone and thinner I'm looking at you with the camera angle.
Speaker 2He looks you look different, I've lost a little bit of weight, modi, yeah you have, yeah, intentionally. No, not really, just stress.
Speaker 3What are you stressed?
Speaker 1about? I look great. What are you stressed about? Everything. What?
Speaker 3are you stressed about? Are you joining Cynthia Nixon in her hunger strike?
Speaker 1I mean Cynthia Nixon doing a hunger strike.
Speaker 3Cynthia.
Speaker 1Nixon's doing a hunger strike.
Speaker 3For Palestine. Oh yeah, really.
Speaker 1She should drop dead with the. Golden Age, yes oh from the Golden Age, the one from from the city.
Speaker 3The Redhead.
Speaker 1She's starving herself for Palestine. Yeah, I hope she drops dead.
Speaker 2So much would offer her a plate of watermelon.
Speaker 1Yeah, wait, and so funny because I've been watching the Golden Age and she was actually doing well on it. And now, I love that show.
Speaker 2The Golden Age is okay. Let's talk about that. The Golden Age is so boring.
Speaker 3I love it.
Speaker 2The most boring show.
Speaker 3I feel like he likes anything that's like like a period piece.
Speaker 2Yeah, you love a costume, you love like a period set, you love like a Like even his swamp people thing is like the same concept?
Speaker 3Not at all.
Speaker 1First of, all I watch the Golden Age. If you don't know, it takes place in New York City.
Speaker 2Like in the early 1900s, early early 1900s, yeah, well, they're just building.
Speaker 3New.
Speaker 1York and they're just building the Metropolitan Opera, and the outfits are so insane. The costuming is impressive and when you watch it, you're not looking just at how great they are. All you're thinking about is when they get offset. How do they go fish? How can you make? Fishy when they're strapped to their neck buttons everywhere, not even zippers like corsets. And this thing behind there, Tuchas says these flowers that are, but the plot lines are so like the plot lines are yet to be, am I?
Speaker 2invited for lunch. Am I not invited?
Speaker 1for tea.
Speaker 2Exactly, you're gonna get a box at the Met. You're not gonna get a box at the Met. It's like these are so dramatic and he's like but it's funny how they.
Speaker 1I'm loving it because it's like a little story and again, no one gets hurt and there's no bombings and there's no. It's not watching Fowder, it's a very, very and it doesn't really exist. And it's a cute story and it just moves along and it's pretty.
Speaker 2I am sad we finished Sex and the City.
Speaker 1We did watch we finished our rewatch. We have to go watch the movie now we watched every episode from season one, episode one to the end.
Speaker 3That's fun it was.
Speaker 2If you guys haven't done that, I recommend you do it, because it holds up better than expected.
Speaker 3Although there are also problematic lines in there. Yeah, like there's some like really like cringey moments, yeah there are some things that would be considered politically correct.
Speaker 2Oh, today, the things they say today about.
Speaker 1Asians about, about white people, jewish people, jewish people Crazy stuff that holds up right here.
Speaker 2Well, I am I did learn I am a Charlotte, basically.
Speaker 3Oh my god.
Speaker 2You're Charlotte. Everyone says like which character they are, and I guess I'm a Charlotte.
Speaker 3You're definitely, charlotte, yeah.
Speaker 1Only because of the, you're stuck with a Jew.
Speaker 2Not because she's a little bit of an uptight bitch.
Speaker 1Are you an uptight bitch?
Speaker 2Apparently.
Speaker 1Okay, yeah, is that what you learned? Yeah, okay, okay, um, okay, uh, I would not peg you as a, uh, I would peg you more. No, yeah, I guess you are Charlotte. Oh my god, yeah, you are Charlotte.
Speaker 3What are you, periel? I'm a Carrie, or someone Everyone thinks they're a Carrie. Everyone wants to be a Carrie.
Speaker 2No, which, by the way, carrie's the most unlikable out of all of them.
Speaker 3Well, I'm not that likeable At the end, she's not true. I'm not that likeable, it's not not true.
Speaker 2It's not not true.
Speaker 1It's not not true.
Speaker 2Everyone wants to be a Carrie. But when you rewatch it you're like oh, carrie was a bitch. She was a bitch Like she would do to Aiden.
Speaker 1What you did to Aiden what she did to Aiden yeah well. No, I yeah that's. It's a acting, but you know.
Speaker 3No, no, I'm just saying like I don't not have stories like that in my past.
Speaker 2Well, everyone, I guess. I guess the moral of the story is that everyone does.
Speaker 3Or maybe Samantha. Maybe I'm a little Samantha you know.
Speaker 2It's really interesting to rewatch the show with the knowledge that they in real life, Sarah Jessica Parker and Kim Control didn't like each other. Yeah, because she just became the worst, like they gave her the most humiliating, like horrible storylines as the show progresses Kim Control, yeah, kim Control.
Speaker 1They gave her a.
Speaker 3Okay, first of all, like you're acting in a show, what horrible storyline. You're getting paid like 20 million dollars to show up on set.
Speaker 2No, everyone else is getting to do these like character stories and she was like I'm a dumb whore and have cancer. No, but the cancer, yeah.
Speaker 1at the end but, but like she was every for that whole season, all she was doing, all those girls were doing, they were developing their lives. This was finding. She became Jewish and found a husband. This one decided that she's gonna marry and be with the father of her son and then take in and they were developing and she's just like I just want to get laid, I just want to get this, I just want to do that. And and every and every joke and every line she had was a sex line, like yeah, put it in, put it in me. And it's every line like that and it's. She's such a better actor than the actress than that. And uh, and she?
Speaker 3You think that was her beef.
Speaker 2I think so well, apparently, as the show progressed, jessica Parker's like executive producer role expanded and she like kind of elbowed Kim to the side a little bit.
Speaker 1but Right, cynthia Nixon starving herself for palace time. Yeah, she's a big. I hope all of her body parts stop working. I literally hope that her kidneys fail. I hope no no no, let's, let's it should, it should yeah.
Speaker 3I'm just like, oh my god, a Hollywood celebrity starving themselves not eating twice a week like big fucking deal.
Speaker 2It's called intermittent fasting.
Speaker 1Intermittent fasting in between in between ceasefires.
Speaker 3She's intermittent fasting she has like um ozumpic truck pulling up probably.
Discussing Silence and Political Activism
Speaker 1Yeah, oh god it was. You know it's so funny again. We do not watch the news a lot and um and but for some reason we put on npr news, like in the before we whatever we take a drive.
Speaker 1Whatever we drive off somewhere, lee, when I pull out of the car, leo sets my, my phone up with the car play and puts the address in ways and then DJs then he DJs and then we always listen to that first four minutes of npr news. They give you the world according to them and the morning that the ceasefire ended.
Speaker 1It ended because Hamas was throwing rockets into Israel. Israel retaliated by blowing up, uh, two buildings were residential. They were on top of tunnels. That were where they knew they were the people that the, that the Hamas soldiers were, npr began today. Israel blew up residential buildings in Gaza. Hamas sent over rocket, but they put Israel. It was so blatant to hear it and pr and Cynthia Nixon should both drop dead.
Speaker 3Both drop dead well, we're not gonna get by allowing allowing for Meshih energy to to to come up listen, I again, and all of us, as we have said many times um, this is not about being against god forbid the Palestinian people but when you have somebody like Cynthia Nixon, who has nothing to do with anything.
Speaker 3Out of all the atrocities and all of the rapes and the genocides actual genocides and children starving to death like this is what you're gonna fucking hang your hat on is so insane to me, with not saying a word about the atrocities that happened on october 7th. Not talking about releasing the hostages is just like it's.
Speaker 1I mean, I'll take you to to another one, somebody that we know, susan Sarandon, if we spoke about, about her on the podcast, no, no. So, susan Sarandon, and just keep in mind when we do, when we do speak about these people and we don't we?
Speaker 1the less you use the f word, the more we have clips to put on instagram just so yeah, um, susan Sarandon made her comment and she and I know her, I, I, I know her, I've met her. She's, she's a bit of a schnoar. I will say that she uses her celebrity to get whatever she can get. She just want to eat when she eats. She wants to eat with you know, because and by her, because she's a celebrity and has her Oscar and has whatever, and for her, as an actress, no one needs to know what you think of this. Silence is such an amazing gift. You have to, not if you've nothing positive to say. You know, I'm saying just shut up. And to who are you? You're not a professor of politics, you're not at the Harvard business, harvard School of Government, you're just a fukakta actress okay who happens to be good at it.
Speaker 1No, yeah, I mean she's a good actress, but we need your political opinion.
Speaker 3I like, I've always. I should say that I've always liked Susan Saranzen a lot.
Speaker 1I've known her for a long time and personally a little like yes have you hung out with her?
Speaker 3yes, okay, but first of she apologized did she? Yeah, she did all right well, I mean, you know, I think there is something for saying, hey, my intentions were good, maybe I didn't have the whole story. I agree with what you're saying silence when you actually don't have all the information. Not everybody has to chime in, right? Yeah?
Speaker 2so that that happened.
Speaker 2I was talking about this brunch the other day with Lucas and Michael and Peter that this whole idea of silence equals violence or like silence equals compliance, really started during the Black Lives Matter thing right and that sort of that type of activism was really sprouting off on social media and everyone felt the need to like, clearly demarcate where they stood on the issue and then from there, every issue, from there on, everyone was felt the need to weigh in and if you had any sort of platform at all whether you're a fashion blog or whatever now you have to weigh in on these political issues, as informed or misinformed as you are.
Speaker 2Maybe and I think that's what sort of the issue is here is that we have people who are being pressured. I mean, you were pressured. You're a comedian and people I saw the messages they were sending you being like you should be more active about this, you should be more vocal about this, and it's like you're not a politician, you're not an ambassador, you're not an elected official like you have like yes, really, but I have a job.
Speaker 1My job is to make people happy. It's not too it's. It's obviously I'm for. I'm not a stand with this. I don't know what the terminology is I'm. I'm Israeli and I'm not. Because I'm Israeli, I believe what. What's happening, what Israel is doing, is absolutely okay. They're retaliating and they're fighting for their lives. Otherwise they're gonna these Hamas is gonna come back into into the, into Israel, and kill more babies and and and kidnap more women and rape them and do all that. So I am for what Israel is doing, but I'm not posting pictures of bombs.
Speaker 3Yeah but the thing is also is that people are not interested in having a nuanced conversation, and they're not intelligent conversation to say that more than one thing can be true at the same time and that's the thing that's enraging to me is, like you, just it's trendy right now and like this is like the cause of the week, and then everybody else goes back to their lives and they don't give a shit and they never think about any of this again.
Speaker 3I mean what happened, and I'm guilty of this too, by the way. Like this happens, I think with them Ukraine also like nothing's changed. That's going on.
Speaker 1It's really gotten even worse than you train our trainer, stan, is Ukraine. He says it's just. It's to the point where that he should. Just here's Ukraine, you got it. You want, take it. Stop stop bombing us, stop killing us, just take it. He's literally, it's what. That's what Sam was like, that there's no way to win this war. But no one's talking about it, right? Yeah we've moved, everybody moved out of there.
Speaker 3I think that in the world that we live in, people are generally pretty misinformed, and that's fine.
Speaker 1You know, not everybody's like an expert in like Middle Eastern geopolitics, but the wording of what Susan Saran instead was that now the Jews feel what the Muslims of America feel. No Jew has surrounded a Muslim halal restaurant and started screaming things at them. Okay, no, am I right?
Speaker 1yeah, my salamonov and his restaurant in Philly was. Is it harassed? Is it attacked? It's just violated, I don't know what. No, no, no Jews coming, no Jews on texting each other. Let's all meet in front of kebab central and start screaming and breaking window and putting it's. What are you saying, susan? What are you saying?
Speaker 3I Listen, I'm gonna give Susan the benefit out of everybody.
Speaker 1I'm gonna she apologized apologize, apologize, but.
Speaker 3I think that, in general, that people understand this as something that's happening far away, in a land that they've never been to yep to people they don't know and Listen. The images coming out of Gaza are horrific. Any normal person has sympathy for that. You don't have to be Jewish or Israeli or anything to say oh my god, this is what Hamas is doing to Gaza.
Speaker 3Like this is Hamas's fault, right right so it's not just Israel is doing this and there's nothing going on on the other side, right, but people don't want to take in information their brains. They just want to scream and put on like a yasser Arafat scarf right and then no.
Speaker 2The thing that's been really, really Mind-blowing to me was that you know no lap the last few weeks We've had all this drama with people tearing down the missing posters.
Speaker 2Hostages and all these people saying that it's fake and it's propaganda and these hostages aren't real, that they were taken by the IDF, actually All this stuff. And then, now that the videos of the hostages being released are coming out and they're smiling and waving because they're a gunpoint, they're like see how nice we treated the hot they treated the hostages and I'm like, wait, so are there hostages or are there not hostages? Because before it was propaganda and now they're real, but they were treated nicely.
Speaker 3So Right, so they weren't real. The IDF is actually responsible. They love Hamas. Hamas is so nice.
Speaker 2They the letter. Do you see the letter that leaked out from? The alleged letter of the hostage being like thank you for treating me so nice yeah.
Speaker 1No, listen if you want to, if you want to do this. Also, we know when Israel released back many more hostages to get those and one, there's a video hostages, prison Prisoners.
Speaker 2You're right, they weren't hostages, they were people who tried, people who were convicted of crime killed and came with guns.
Speaker 1Yes, and Israel. And they had this one Boy I don't know if it was anything, whatever he was, and you see him being Returned, walking, fine, and then they showed a picture of him in in Gaza, all bandaged, and what do you?
Speaker 3do we.
Speaker 1They're killing it in the, in the, in the PR game, and all the idiots that are the. These liberal idiots were just no idea what they're. What they're talking about are buying that. They're buying that and I don't know. I'm sorry for those of you who listen to this, and we usually don't talk about this.
Speaker 2Yeah, you know I've missed a lot. You guys have done a few episodes without me the other episode was cute. I'm not wearing my blue sweet shoes, unfortunately.
Discussion on Upcoming Events and Collaborations
Speaker 1I know, shout out to our I hope you guys do the stutter and puts the clips about a Stuttering what he goes.
Speaker 3Do you like ever like get involved in, like helping figure out clips? Yeah, and I was like you know why and he goes, you know what. You should really get a clip of the stuttering.
Speaker 1Okay, I can do that, I know, but I but that's what you're stressed out. You're doing too much.
Speaker 2You're running. I'm really not, but you really are, you know. No, yeah, you are, you're, you're.
Speaker 1You're running the merch. You're running your point. What do you call it? One point how do you?
Speaker 2say that word. I don't run anything, I just watch he manages a lot of everything a lot.
Speaker 1It's insane.
Speaker 2It's insane.
Speaker 3That's what he does.
Speaker 2That's why I haven't been here, because that's why I haven't been on the last three episodes because I've been busy.
Speaker 3He's running the show.
Speaker 1He's running a hundred percent. I, I Swear to God, I just see a red light and start talking, or I just get on stage, but nothing, nothing happens without Leo. Every to us, in every seat, in every theater, is because of Leo and that's not true. We don't have to get carried away?
Speaker 3No, it's it is, it is it absolutely.
Speaker 1No, it's, it's a hundred percent through this, so it's so involved.
Speaker 2So you probably, you probably covered this because you just, I just hopped on you guys. Yeah this session. But what are you guys going to talk about for the 92nd Street? Why thing?
Speaker 3You know sucks okay, we're not.
Speaker 2We're not. Could you I?
Speaker 1We're gonna be talking a very prestigious thing with we got. We got that covered yeah very seriously again with her phone.
Speaker 3Because we got the. I'm making sure that it's accurate.
Speaker 2I Like to get the February 1st at the 92nd Street 224 2024, which is insane to be saying that already you can register for an in-person, you Can register in person or you can register for a live stream. If you're based in Israel or outside of the country and listening to this, you can register for the live stream and I think you have up to like 24 hours after the event to watch it. If you can't watch it live, how come you didn't say that before?
Speaker 3I didn't know.
Speaker 2The so there's options, people, it's gonna be, it's gonna be nice.
Speaker 1Oh, that's so great people can stream it and they can.
Speaker 3They should really send in their questions now. If you guys have questions or stuff that you want to Ask us or ask.
Speaker 2Modi or things you want him to address or talk about them to info at modi live calm, yeah, and I will screen them.
Speaker 3Yes they're going to be screened.
Speaker 2And.
Speaker 3I. I was more focused on the contents of what we were speaking about than the logistics, which was navigating the complexities of finding light and joy in the midst of rising tensions and anti-Semitism. Can I?
Speaker 1say? Can I say that that sounds like something the Christopher Columbus does navigating through the streams. Can I tell you something? Can I do something?
Speaker 2Yeah, I wrote that.
Speaker 1Oh, did they. Yeah, navigating through the streams of I.
Speaker 2Have been. I've been dabbling in the in the chat GPT I'm like hey listen up. This is what I need. Give me something.
Speaker 3And then Leo calls me. He goes, don't hate me, I was out of here. But it kind of ran like I just put it through, I was like goodbye.
Speaker 1He put it through my eye and it came. Goodbye, no, no, but it was good it like it gave us, it gives you some, I mean you have to comb through it and like, fix it up, but it gives you.
Speaker 2When you have writer's block, you're like it gives you some good Leo, by the way Leo doesn't.
Speaker 1First of all those of you who don't know Leo comes to be the sets and like especially now when I'm working on all this new material, he's giving me all these tags and punch lines and he doesn't need AI, they have. What a great line from last night with the doctor stuff, talking about doctors and how they know nothing. And like you know they don't take insurance but and like they don't know nothing.
Speaker 2The better they are the they're a really good doctor, that means they don't take insurance, right and he just had this.
Speaker 1I'm not gonna give it now. You have to come see a show.
Speaker 2Oh, really, okay, you want to make it through the line? No, it doesn't make sense.
Speaker 1It doesn't make sense no, you don't ever give a punch line out, you just let him know. It's just like Leo just throws me this punch line and I'm like I'm smart, I'm the funny one People don't know that I'm the funny one. I'm the hot one. He's the funny one.
Speaker 2That's the most fucked up thing about our relationship is that I'm the funny one.
Speaker 1He's not funny and I'm the hot one, he's the hot one. Yeah, I just deliver the jokes because I'm hot, he's the face, I'm the face, I'm the hot one. He writes the.
Speaker 3Who's Siegfried and who's Roy?
Speaker 1Oh, don't leave me with those two 90 Second Street. Why is it gonna be absolutely amazing.
Speaker 2We really are coming in there with yeah, if you're tuning in from out of the country, you should sign up for the live stream. It would be really nice.
Speaker 1Also, we are to our audience in Australia. We're working on May dates and I need to find out through DMs. Let us know is May the right time to be coming to Australia? Because we're finding out, you guys' vacation and take off at different times. Can I be honest with you?
Speaker 2Yeah, I'm struggling with the Australia thing.
Speaker 1Same.
Speaker 3For those of you listening.
Speaker 2We have an offer from a promoter to go do theater shows in Sydney and Melbourne Madden Melbourne.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2And it's it's not great. We're just crunching the numbers here, people.
Discussion About Australia and Comedy Tours
Speaker 1I'm not sure it's worth it.
Speaker 2It's a long flight and it's a lot of time and your Australian dollar kinda sucks Blows. So show me the USD.
Speaker 3What's the dollar to Australia? It's, I don't know, a board. Whatever, it is not cute.
Speaker 2Apparently people there, I mean the ticket prices work differently, I don't know, and it sounds like a schlep. Well, having been to Australia, you have been.
Speaker 1I have been.
Speaker 3And I can tell you it is definitely a schlep.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 3It's like a 24 hour flight. Yeah, but but if you can stop somewhere, like-.
Speaker 2Where are we stopping?
Speaker 3I don't know when are we going.
Speaker 1Well, hold on. For what I understand, if you leave Monday, you get there Thursday. What am I gonna stop on Tuesday? Where am I stopping?
Speaker 3It's gorgeous.
Speaker 1I don't you wanna see so is upstate New York.
Speaker 3You wanna see Kuala Beirut? No.
Speaker 1I don't.
Speaker 3I don't wanna see Kuala.
Speaker 1Beirut. I wanna see an audience.
Speaker 2I wanna see my Jews of.
Speaker 3Australia but it's gotta make sense.
Speaker 1I don't want I'm glad to see the Jews of Australia and the allies those of you who have found me on Instagram and think it's funny and wanna come see the Jewish comedian. That's what I'm going, australia, for. I'm not going to see Kuala Beirut in that Fakakta white thing that everybody takes a picture of the Sydney Opera.
Speaker 2House. I don't need that. The Sydney Opera House yeah.
Speaker 1I have plenty of opera houses here in New York, and I have Kuala Beirut. I can Google.
Speaker 3It's a very long flight.
Speaker 2So your age. But the strategy, the thinking is that, like we would do these first round of shows Right. And then we build out Australia as like a whole separate market. Yeah, you visit once a year and go do shows.
Speaker 1Okay, but he's built out enough that every single Jew in Australia would be coming to the show, so I wanna make sure that they so now, but then, like one of them, I said to somebody on Instagram this adorable, I had the show at the West Side Comic Club to try out my hour of new material.
Speaker 3I hope nobody told me this. I would have been so psyched to come hang out in the watch.
Speaker 1It was like a Wednesday night at nine o'clock, perfect, and they this adorable girl came over and she took a picture with me, sent her to her father. He's a huge fan of Australia and I said we might be coming in May.
Speaker 2He goes that's usually when I have vacation, so now I'm afraid that this May day you can't take anecdotal evidence like that of one guy's vacation patterns to be indicative of a whole community.
Speaker 1That sounded like AI.
Speaker 3I told you.
Speaker 1He's turning into a robot.
Speaker 3Look at what even what he looks like.
Speaker 2Indicative, indicative it was indicative.
Speaker 1Sorry, I can use SAT words.
Speaker 2What do?
Speaker 1you want me to say I can use them too, all along, and I can't spell any of them. I can't spell any one of them. Let me ask you oh wait.
Speaker 3Vacation months. How come nobody told me you were trying out all new material? I would have come and been so psyched to sit there Vacation.
Speaker 1Oh my God, you live up there now I forgot. Oh my God, we made a mistake that night. We should have talked to him also. Arthur was around the corner.
Speaker 2Yeah, we were trying to fly a little under the radar. Yeah, it was very under the radar and good, by the way.
Speaker 1West Side Comedy Club a vibe Nice.
Speaker 3Good.
Speaker 1It's great they have it together. Felicia, fel Felicia, felicia is wonderful and they made a little green room in that little back room. It's cute, very cute. I had a great time.
Speaker 3When do Australians?
Speaker 1Can we all the podcasts I own? There's always some guy like Googling whatever they're talking about and pops up on the screen, like when I do Jim Norton's show. I love that.
Speaker 3You like that yeah?
Speaker 1Oh, by the way, back to Australia, I saw Sam Morel. He came back as is. He looks phaharget, you know, exhausted. But Be nice After no, I love Sam, one of my. I think he's one of the funniest people walking on this planet today. He was just got back from Australia. He looked extra phaharget, extra exhausted.
Speaker 3It really is a long trip. It says that the families with school children often take their vacations in late December and January.
Speaker 1Oh, so I think you're okay for May. Oh yeah.
Speaker 2Because, of the seasons, they're all topsy-turvy too.
Speaker 1We also spoke about my mother's my mother and father's 60th anniversary, which we hosted one of the events in our house. And did you feel like a son-in-law or a grandson Both?
Speaker 3Or did you feel like Modi was your great uncle?
Speaker 1All of his nieces. And well, you had your nieces and nephews that are older than you there.
Speaker 2Yeah, that's fun.
Speaker 1Right, and you're also a great uncle yeah, a great uncle to four children. Isn't that insane?
Speaker 2Yeah, it's pretty crazy.
Speaker 1Okay, but we talked about that in the last episode but long ago Leo killed it. We had this cutest event. I'm just so happy that it happened and everything was great.
Speaker 2Yeah, you're most happy yeah 92nd Street.
Speaker 1Why?
Speaker 3Can we talk about Leo's shoes, because I feel like he's obsessed with them. He's obsessed.
Speaker 2All right, listen up folks. These are Nike Gore-Tex ankle boots and they're super waterproof and they are really comfortable. And there's no shoelaces. I've given up shoelaces lately. All my shoes have to be slip on. I'm like an old man now I have to be able to slide my foot in there, and I wore these all around Europe and it was rainy and gross and miserable in.
Speaker 1Amsterdam and stuff. They're very cute. They're tactical boots, which made me go on the Nike website. I need shoelaces and I don't like slip-ons. And I got the Gore-Tex, which, by the way, is from Israel. Israel invented Gore-Tex.
Speaker 2I think so, and I got these, so we're gonna protest. Gore-tex.
Speaker 3Those are very-.
Speaker 1I'm gonna starve myself for Gore-Tex, that's the thing.
Speaker 3You guys wanna hate us, then stop using our stuff. I almost said a bad word and I said stuff. No, you're not Stop using our technology Go, get lost in a circle, don't use ways.
Speaker 1Yes, yeah.
Speaker 3You need a stent die.
Speaker 1Drop dead. Yep, that's it.
Speaker 3Okay, so those are new sneakers too, yeah we could.
Speaker 1We we're jumping all over the place, but can I tell you one of the craziest things I'm putting this into a joke the from the river to the sea thing.
Speaker 2Oh yeah, let's talk about this. Let's joke is not working for me.
Speaker 1It's it's getting there, it's getting there.
Speaker 2It's too long, it's too.
Speaker 1I I'm not. You need to make it zippy. There's a few problems with the from.
Speaker 2There's a few I'm gonna do, I'm gonna put it into AI. I'm gonna say make this joke shorter, that's hysterical.
Speaker 1Oh, first of all, I have a few palms with this, with the, with the First of all there's no river. There's, there's no river. There's no, there's no river?
Speaker 2No one, it's not funny.
Speaker 1But it's a part of like you know, you know, you know the term of the mighty Jordan River. Which has not existed for hundreds of years. Okay happens to be. I, years ago, was hired to do this documentary about the Jordan River. It was and it was. It was such a. It was a documentary done by University, I think Michigan, about the Jordan River and what, what, what really is what happens from the, when you know, from the, the Sea of Galilee, which is like the Galilee about the water, like management or mismanagement, mismanagement of water in Israel and how?
Speaker 1from that the Sea of Galilee. And then there's this little area of 200 meters where it's like a lake where people use and there's this whole like theme park where they this is where Jesus was baptized. It's not where he was baptized. And then the rest of it becomes sewage and it at at the widest point it's maybe two feet and that the shortest it's maybe six inches of sewage Running down to an area where Jesus really was baptized. The ones that want to go to where he really was. It's in sewage at the end, on the Jordanian Israeli border, and there's a Israeli soldier and a Jordanian sort of facing each other and friends like, hey, how are you? It's an area I forgot the name of the area but it's where Jesus was really baptized.
Speaker 2Okay, so what's the point of this?
Speaker 1where we was the point is is that now, but, but, but. They're screaming from the river to the sea. There's no river.
Speaker 2Yeah, so the fact that you had to do that whole explanation you lot. You lost the moment.
Speaker 1Okay, well, that was for the podcast, that wasn't for the joke.
Speaker 2You do, you do build it out on stage.
Speaker 1I've been working it out on stage, but it there's no river that they're yelling about.
Speaker 2Okay, and I also changed what's the next part?
Speaker 1the next part is I think it's it, but it is a clever a To close a clever pump from the river to the sea, to the point where I think a Jew wrote it for them.
Speaker 2He thinks, I think in my head, in my head, I believe.
Speaker 1I believe, the head of Hamas. They were in Headquarters, or as I call it, tunnel seven, and they were like we need a catchy slogan like Not Nike has just do it yeah or give piece of chance. Yeah, we'll never work. But they said we need a slogan. So they say, hey, we have all this money from Iran, let's hire the number one branding PR marketing firm. And they called New York and they got Rebidin with Cyberg and Schlatzky yeah and then they came up with this thing for them.
Speaker 3Hey, what about from the river?
Speaker 1to the sea and like, oh, that's good, and they were. That's where the joke was going. It's not landing.
Speaker 3And it takes a hot minute.
Speaker 1I remember, but the minute's gonna this is. This joke has to come out now, it's not like unfortunately, I think you're gonna have a while. Oh, anyway, that's. That's the process where we're in, okay.
Speaker 2Yeah, you've been doing the other stuff about the, the. Do we have time? Yeah, about the differences between the Catholics and the yes, that's fun, the Jewish stuff yeah it must be fun to be watching all this new stuff too. It's fun to watch Things that have been coming to me inspire.
Speaker 1I'm just a, so I said I said my husband's Catholic and he says I'm not.
Speaker 2Yeah, I use. The first time you did the joke, said my husband's Catholic, and then afterwards I said you know, after I was like you, you should say I was raised Catholic, because I'm not.
Speaker 3What is the two of you now? All the jokes have to be like historically and geographically.
Speaker 2Because if he's gonna talk, about me on stage.
Speaker 3It brings it to the accurate.
Speaker 1So if you're, if you're, you're raised Catholic, right, yeah, you were born Catholic, you were born a Jew. If your mother's Jewish, you were born a Jew. If you were born, you're born, and then they have to dip you in the mikva.
Speaker 2They dip you in the in the there's a baby there's a bird in the middle.
Speaker 1We stalled. I said we really stoned and the Muslims also stalled, but but anyway they put it. Put them in a bird bath. And now he's in a bird bath In the shoe, the bird bath in the shoe in the cathedral.
Speaker 2I peed during my, of course, you did yeah, yeah um, are you?
Speaker 3naked when they do your naked little baby. They just like dunk you in how old are you when they dunk you?
Speaker 2like a few days old.
Speaker 3It's a good thing that this is well hold on, but the point of the story is this that?
Speaker 1so now? Now you're Catholic. You weren't born Catholic. Now you're Catholic, and then you stop going to church, you stop being Catholic.
Speaker 2So that's not necessarily true.
Speaker 1Okay, so, but but the joke is if if Jews stopped going Most Jews don't go to synagogue, so then that would mean like, so that that's like a difference.
Speaker 2You know, I'm saying so yeah, you were like, if by that logic there would only be like seven Jews left seven, yeah, they're really three Jews left who goes to school every day you know, and to synagogue every day. So okay, but that's, they say, recovering, catholic recovering.
Speaker 3Catholic Non-practicing Catholic.
Speaker 2No, not non-practicing, because that sounds like if you're, that means you still still like Alright, I don't know.
Speaker 3But like there are a lot of Catholics who are like traumatized in recovery, the amount of guilt yeah, I try to tell you this all the time.
Speaker 2You're like like, I'm like the Jewish guilt and the Catholic guilt is the same.
Speaker 3No, the Catholic guilt is worse Because because they say that you're sinners.
Speaker 2Oh yeah, we're bad Orthodox. We have to go to confession.
Speaker 3This is insane.
Speaker 2Are you telling me to sit up? Yeah, it looks like. It looks like you're just tell me to say yeah it's insane. Throw your shoulders back. I mean do you want to fight?
Speaker 1No, I'm showing I'm looking at you on the on the screen posture, posture. Yeah, so I just did this.
Speaker 2She's been going like this I've been, I've been she, I've been.
Speaker 1My coats behind me. We're sitting on these sofas that we I've been offering. I've been offering WTF to buy them new furniture. I'm looking at our engineer. There's the furniture here. We all look like we have scoliosis. Okay.
Speaker 3So I think that the. Jewish guilt, unless you're Orthodox. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about like just run of the mill.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 3There's not. There's like the Jewish mother guilt, like call your mother and like that stuff, but there's not like. You're a sinner. You're going to hell. You're a bad person.
Speaker 2You need to go like the central.
Speaker 1We have. We have your yom, kippur, the high holidays with literally the reset button on your phone you can take. It's like putting the pin in the button Okay, let's, let's start again this year. Let's, this year's let's start again.
Speaker 3I can be a better person.
Speaker 1I'm a new person. This is the, the. Your russia, shana is the. Birth is the is the russia. It's the head of the year, but it's the it's when man was created. So now, this is the birth date of man. You can start again and take on a new year as, and then the few days later you can Throw all the sins you had, that you, yeah, into the.
Speaker 2Did we tell the story about the guy we met in Frankfurt who was at the Nova music festival?
Speaker 3No.
Speaker 1I think I did with, with, with when we had Arthur on now.
Speaker 2When we were in Frankfurt we were at dinner after the event and there was this guy who was at the Nova thing and he was. We were eating dinner and they it wasn't at a kosher restaurant and they brought out this Side note. They brought out this shrimp dish and it was just like sitting, no one was eating it, and he goes that's my favorite. I was like have something goes, no, I keep kosher now. I was like you keep kosher now? And he was like yeah, this year was the first year I actually kept. He said he like with solely non practicing, and then this year was the first year that he kept you on keyboard and then he credits that.
Speaker 1Wow, you've told the story. I thought I couldn't tell us he wow what survived, he survived. He was at the Nova rave and they established that no, we didn't, I'd opened the story, we didn't and he, we asked him, and, and I said to him you, you survived this insane attack. And how did you survive? So he said, I was in there two hours in. I had to get something from my car, which was parked far from where they were.
Speaker 3We did speak about this. I didn't know about the shrimp.
Speaker 2I didn't know that was how it was framed to me.
Speaker 1He was sitting next to me at the dinner Right so he luckily he was at by his car when he sees them paragliding through. Whatever. However, they came in, those barbarians, and then they. He just got into his car and started driving away. He hit a few.
Speaker 1He killed one or two when he hit one on the bike and he knows he killed them because he really ran him over and he got out of there. But then he said that Yom Kippur he usually isn't fast, he doesn't go to synagogue that Yom Kippur, which was a few days before this, he kept all of Yom Kippur, he kept all of it. He didn't he fast, he went to synagogue and and he credits that, and now he's also not eating shrimp and not eating. But again, it's the choosing people and he believes that that choices what led to it's. I'm a great, great for him now.
Speaker 3I think, listen, I think that if one good thing has come out of like the horrors of October 7th, is that it really has brought us together as a community in ways that was really you know, not listen. I've started lighting candles on Shabbat.
Speaker 1That's it. Many people are putting on Tfilon now, which is a beautiful thing.
Speaker 3Making Tfilon for the soldiers and sending it over to the soldiers. It's, I don't know, it's, it's, it's insane, it's great it is this great.
Speaker 1That that's which is what the 92nd Street Y is looking for light in the, in the darkness, through comedy, obviously through me, and and that's what it is, anything else. There is we did not plug it all. I was sponsors this, this episode.
Speaker 3We can do it now.
Speaker 1Yeah, a&h provisions. Thank you very much for being a part of the and here's Modi podcast. The highest quality Glot kosher meats are new tagline for them. That's not just Mashiach energy, it's Mashiach energy.
Speaker 2It's pretty good. It's pretty good. Someone get that to me after a show.
Speaker 1Someone hand that was not written by me. Someone give that to me after a show. Who's a fan who? Who orders A&H and and 30% off your first order when you type in Modi kosher dogs net. That's it, and also whites and Luxembourg, the law firm that not only is doing well, they do good. They, besides being a successful law firm that you want to have on your side, they also are very charitable and very philanthropic, and we thank them and Arthur for being a part of our commented on the clip of Arthur.
Speaker 2They said Mr Mesothelioma, mr Mesothelioma. Yeah, that was funny.
Speaker 1There was, yeah, but they're all good stuff Everybody loved everyone really loved her.
Speaker 3Yeah, what can we talk about? Arthur a little bit he was so funny.
Speaker 2He was really funny, I was really funny.
Speaker 3He was so funny and I was trying to talk to him about fashion, he was like you know nothing, like he was like totally playing it down.
Speaker 2Yeah, and then I brought back blue sweat shoes.
Speaker 1Arthur is always dressed If you go to his apartment he has an extra room just for all of his clothes and they're ironed and they're all. It's like he takes care of what it's amazing. You can tell he has this flower and it's like no and I could say he and I hang out on our own and we're always insane stories and it's fun and it's like you know, and that's should I go through.
Speaker 2Should I just do like a run of run of upcoming shows. Uh huh, yes this will be there already, but we're in Charlotte December 13th and then Atlanta December 14th which I'm very excited for both shows.
Speaker 1Atlanta, that's where Leo is from. Leo went to school there and to go back with you and but still again, I can't wait for Atlanta and Charlotte.
Speaker 2December 21st at town hall big show Sold out.
Speaker 1There's two tickets left One of their each at $1500 and I hope they don't sell so the people right to the NC 1500 dollars, yeah guys, that's because of surge pricing on Ticketmaster.
Speaker 2Yeah, then you have four shows in Boca two on December 30th and two on the 31st. Those are sold out.
Speaker 1Those are sold out and that I will be running a lot of new material in that in those places.
Speaker 2The February 1st and yours, modi live podcast taping for the 100th episode. I can't believe we've been yammering on this thing for 100 episodes.
Speaker 1Kanayna Haraj where it's gone to. It's only gonna get read.
Speaker 2Like I said, that event has in-person and live streaming options available. Then in at the Paramount and Long Island. On February 15th we added a show. Yes, that show was on sale. Because the one on the 18th sold out, we added a show Long Island.
Speaker 1Those of you in Long Island, huntington, it's right there get your tickets. Be the friend that brings the friends.
Speaker 2That's an amazing place to do it February 28th and 29th in Boston. We added the 28th because the 29th sold out. March 3rd you're in San Diego. We're doing a matinee show and a late show.
Speaker 1We are also gonna be amazing.
Speaker 2The matinee show, because the first one sold, the late one sold out. Then you're in Glenside, pennsylvania, which I'm told is basically Philadelphia.
Speaker 1Yeah, philly, it's a Philly location and so those of you in the Philly area, glenside it's a beautiful theater.
Speaker 2What's the theater over there? The? Keswick, the Keswick, it's an amazing, amazing theater yeah, then you're in St Louis, missouri on March 13th. Royal Oak, michigan, march 14th. Montclair, new Jersey, march 17th.
Speaker 3That's sold out already.
Speaker 2I believe it's sold out. Hold on, I have to hit the load more button. Dallas, texas, march 20th.
Speaker 1Yes, dallas, texas, and also in the area of Dallas. Take it, it's easy to drive over there. If you're in that whole area, austin, maybe you want to come down. I'll be in Dallas.
Speaker 2Orlando, march 21st. Cleveland, ohio, march 27th. Pittsburgh, march 28th, washington DC, the Kennedy Center, that's selling out.
Speaker 1it's almost sold out. I don't know it's gonna be a Kennedy Center, gonna be moment.
Speaker 2It's gonna be a moment, so make sure to come to that Terry Todd Music Hall in New York April 14th, and then we wrap it up with Red Bank, new Jersey at the Count Basie Theater. But that one's also. There's only a handful of tickets left.
Speaker 1So please look and just also tell your friends if you see a show near them. Be the friend that brings the friends to the Comedy Club, to the Comedy Show. Be the friend that brings the friends to the Comedy Show. That is a machine energy. You're gonna just buy six tickets and you know you're gonna find if you have recommendations of where we should stay, hotel wise, yes please let
Speaker 1me know. I just now booked our travel for Florida we're staying at the, the, the Altair or the Altair Hotel, which is a minute. Have you been there?
Speaker 3no, I have not it's. You know I don't like it when you share your location.
Speaker 1Makes me very nervous oh no, they want us to share the location for that one. We are staying there, friends and family rate, and we love them and it's it's. It's a great place and and it's in Bell Harbor, by that mall where everything's a billion dollars is that where we want to go get haircuts?
Appreciation and Future Topics Mentioned
Speaker 1no, no, no, no, no, no. That was someone else anyway, so it's. That's it. Mody livecom. For all your ticket needs, all your merch needs, I'll see you at the 92nd Street. Why, february 1st? Make sure to get either tickets or whatever link you need to stream. Thank you all for listening and for our sponsors and our collaborators and everybody, and I hope just. I know we got a little political and a little harshly on this one, but again we'll be back and giving you light material too. As women say, I love to walk my dog when I listen to you guys. I like to drive the kids and listen to you guys. There's no, there's no, we're not a Ben Shapiro when we people are coming there for their political needs. Thank you all. Very much machine energy bye bye you.