AND HERE’S MODI
AND HERE’S MODI is an inside look at the man behind the microphone. Hosted by comedian, Modi (@modi_live), AHM features a raw and unfiltered side of the comedian rarely seen on stage. He always finds the funny as he navigates the worlds of comedy, trending topics, his personal life and spirituality. AHM is co-hosted by Periel Aschenbrand (@perielaschenbrand) and Leo Veiga (@leo_veiga_).
AND HERE’S MODI
Two Flames and a Piece of Meat
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Episode 113: Hot off of opening for Modi on tour, comic Elon Altman joins Modi and Periel along with a return by Rabbi Gavriel Bellino. They discuss discovering a late night minyan in the Lower East Side, how Leo almost set the house on fire and the concept of being 'Yotzi.'
Modi's special "Know Your Audience" is available on YouTube now!
For all upcoming shows visit www.modilive.com.
Follow Modi on Instagram at @modi_live.
Welcome to Andy's Modi. And we're back and we are in the studio with the holy Rabbi Gav Belino. Shlita May his days shlita. What does shlita mean? I don't know. She kol yamot, yeah, mean? I don't know.
Speaker 3Shkol Yamo T'yeh.
Speaker 1Something I don't know.
Speaker 3By the way, you're going to have to cut this because I know everything. Apparently, I'm a genius and I don't know.
Speaker 1I by the way, I'm so happy when you're on the podcast, because I always quote something from the Bible and I never have it right. I always make a mistake and people are like that's not what's in the Bible. A mistake, and people are like that's not what's in the Bible. It's v'chachachecha na chachachucha.
Speaker 3And so, now that you're here, we have it's gotta be like sheyekhia liyaman tavi ma'rufkim or something, right? So he does know. He does that thing where he pretends he doesn't know.
Speaker 1I don't know, you know what you're like, Talk to me. You're literally like I don't watches RuPaul's Drag Race, but the last winner was.
Speaker 3This is going to be a compliment.
Speaker 1I forgot her name. She was an Orthodox rabbi. No, she wasn't an Orthodox rabbi, she was a Taiwanese, or Thailand she was, I don't know. Wow, anyway. But she always pretended like I don't know, I'm not good at dancing, I'm not good at sewing, and she killed it always. You say you don't know, but you know.
Speaker 3So you don't know, but you know, so don't do that. Just go into the. I know I didn't practice my Rashid T vote before I got here.
Speaker 4Okay everybody slow down. Can you introduce our guests and talk about your special.
Speaker 1I was in the middle of introducing our guests.
Speaker 3He started with a rabbi Periel.
Speaker 1I started with a rabbi. You start with a rabbi, and then you go to your other guest, which is Elon Altman who is a superstar. We just finished the tour. Know your audience. He was most of the shows he opened. A powerhouse, a power, the perfect. Not just I don't want to say opening act, but an act Tight 12 to 15 to 10. Whatever we needed delivered, stands there, destroys even though he stands at the height of what?
Speaker 2five foot seven in my wife's shoes five or seven in his wife's shoes.
Speaker 1He killed. He's great and it was an easy backstage and just fun and always has a tagline. He'll say try this next time on the show and it kills.
Speaker 4He's a great joke writer. He's a great joke writer and he had a huge joke that has gone viral and has been stolen by many people. In the beginning of the war, you wrote this joke oh yeah, and I'll. The beginning of the war, you wrote this joke oh yeah, and I'll let you say the joke.
Speaker 2So the joke was it was just a tweet. Really, I'm not surprised that Hamas was hiding in a school. I was just surprised that the school was Harvard.
Speaker 1Oh, yes, hilarious, and at that time this was like December.
Speaker 2That was a pretty funny joke. But now, with all these encampments and everything, it's like, yeah, it seems like there are actually a lot of supporters out there, and now Columbia might be a better tag on that joke.
Speaker 4But now you see it everywhere. Exactly that. Oh, but I didn't know it was Columbia and Harvard and UPenn. But whenever I see that I'm always like that's actually Elon Altman's.
Speaker 2Oh yeah, no, don't give me too much credit. I took a lot of heat for it. Also, I have to always explain I mean people who are supportive or into the ideas of what Hamas was doing, not that they're actual full-fledged card-carrying members at these schools with machine guns, right. Like there's a difference there.
Speaker 4It's a tweet. It's like you know, it's the idea. It's the idea it's to be yoitzy. What's that? I don't know.
Speaker 1I think so. By the way, listeners, I think when we have the holy rabbi, we should be a little more shticky. Do something with, like, some kind of a shtick, like, do a what does another thing that Periel doesn't know To be Yotzi. Do you know what to be Yotzi?
Speaker 4on something means.
Speaker 3What's that? To fulfill an obligation.
Speaker 4Oh, I wouldn't have guessed that you have something to do.
Speaker 1right, you got to do something, so like on Shabbat, it's a challah, and even though you're not eating bread or gluten, you take a little piece just to be Yotzi, that you were Yotsi on this thing. Or you go to the wall and you touch the wall and then you leave and you just you know I'm Yotsi, I touched the wall and I left. You know to be just like I did, whatever.
Speaker 3I needed to do, to do it. No, it's not necessarily. It's not a majority of it doesn't have to be, it's in the voice.
Speaker 4It's the tone I was going to say.
Speaker 1Yoytsi Leo uses Yoytsi all the time.
Speaker 4Really.
Speaker 1Yes, yes Okay.
Speaker 4All right, can I tell?
Speaker 1you what happened at home last night. We're on the phone with our travel agent for abroad travel. His name is Yossi, at high class travel, and yussi speaks english and the bed and every other word he drops in is yiddish and it's it's english and he's coordinating with leo. Leo and him have their own, like they have the words. That goes so I'm gonna get you out thursday and he goes what was that? Thursday thursday, thursday, thursday. Okay, so we're on the phone with him. Leo put in um a. Uh, I met you. Remember we told you we got this um amazing meat from this company that that that sent leo yeah yeah, I forgot the name of it chew chu in the five towns, okay.
Speaker 1So we had this big piece of meat that leo was like, okay, we're finally dethawing it, let's just just cook it. And we had it. So he put it in the oven and we get back to the table and we're speaking to Yossi, we're trying to figure out Australia, all of a sudden the fire alarms go off and I look at the kitchen. I see flames oh, not like smoke, flames like in the emoji and I'm like, oh my god, there's a fire in the house. I run into the kitchen and this is how Hashem and Mashiach energy works.
Speaker 1Before Passover I did some cleaning and some rearranging to get ready for the seder, for the, for the meal at the house, and I remembered, oh, we bought a fire extinguisher when we did the renovation. I was nine years old. This fire extinguisher, I went, I go, I know where the fire extinguisher is. I got the fire and put the oven out. Oh my God, flames, go ahead. He's thinking his mind flamed. No, there's two flames Go ahead. He's thinking his mind flamed. No, oh no, there's two flames causing another flame. Moody, I'm an adult, I know how his mind Two flames and a piece of meat.
Speaker 3I am an adult. Stop it. I would never.
Speaker 1Two flames and a piece of meat Focus. He'll be here all week, literally. It was insane. Well done, well done.
Speaker 4Well done. So what happened? Did you ruin the steak?
Speaker 1The steak was gone but thank God we didn't ruin the oven we caught it.
Speaker 4You definitely weren't the one who was cooking the steak. You have no idea.
Speaker 1I think we never used the broiler part. We have a very, very expensive fancy oven.
Speaker 4That nobody has ever used.
Speaker 3What do you guys cook?
Speaker 1Leo makes amazing salmon and amazing rice and healthy stuff, easy stuff. But we never have meat in the house. They sent this to us. We don't know how to cook this, and so Leo put it all in oil and put it right by the boiler.
Speaker 3By the way.
Speaker 1The Kup and Pesach. I mean literally. It was like the sacrifice, the burnt offering.
Speaker 2The burnt offering.
Speaker 1The burnt offering. Absolutely Luckily we caught it and luckily I knew what that fire extinguisher was.
Speaker 4First of all, when I go over there, I have to bring my own milk for a cup of coffee. They have, like it's protein shakes and wheatgrass and maybe, if I'm lucky, modi will open me a can of tuna.
Speaker 1Yeah, I gave her tuna one time. No, but we tell you to order in. We're like what?
Speaker 4Which is exactly how I am at my house.
Speaker 1But when you come over. Sometimes we were in the middle of a tour, so we're home for only three days at a time. So how do you shop for three days?
Yarmulkes and Comedy Tours
Speaker 4Do understand, I don't know I don't know, because I don't I. A guy says my husband says that when you come to our house, if he's not there you're gonna starve. Like I do nothing, I don't even offer you a glass of water, their fridge is my favorite.
Speaker 3Everything the, the little, the little cans. You love a chic can of soda.
Speaker 4Yeah, so you also drink less of it.
Speaker 1Yeah, of course we have these little Diet Cokes.
Speaker 4I know.
Speaker 1If I'm eating pizza or a pretzel, I need to have a Diet Coke. But if you open a full can, now if you have a small can, you're yoitzy. You're yoitzy on the Diet Coke, anything. No, you grew up on the Lower Coke, anything.
Speaker 3No, you grew up on the Lower East Side. Have you heard any of these words?
Speaker 2I've never heard Yotzi before, but it's one of those things where, when you hear a word for the first time, now I'm going to go out in the street and hear everyone.
Speaker 1Even though we're in Chinatown right now, I'm going to hear people saying Yotzi, no, now you'll hear it all over by the way, speaking of lower east side and you growing up in the lower east side, arthur and I were at casa chipriani of course you were two weeks ago, whatever it was.
Speaker 1And um, we're arthur luxembourg, who helped sponsor the podcast and is a friend and family period, and um, we're still in casa chipriani says to me I need to say Kaddish tonight for Randy, my wife's father. Her father passed away on this date and so we're sitting in Casa Cipriani Author's in full Arthur, like purple suit, shirt, this, the orange shoes, the whole nine yards. Not orange, whatever it was, like Willy Wonka's accountant, no, but like stunning, amazing, you know nothing like okay, and I go to him where are you planning on saying kaddish tonight?
Speaker 1he goes there's a 10 10 minion in the lower east side on um. What's that street? Broom, no broadway yeah, and east broadway, but like very down by you, by almost by the fdr, and I go okay, I'm in, it's down the block, henry street, oh yeah henry street it's a forgotten street.
Speaker 1It's a forgotten street and it's this minion. It's all the way downstairs. Now this is, uh, a wednesday or whatever night it was. Imagine. Everybody looks there just like with the white shirt, the suit, that's like the sun hit it so hard for so many years. It's like a different. It's like purple almost the blues are purple and there's a rabbi and there's, but this is a minion like they. They all know each other where they live. They see each other at three times a day on shabbat, non-stop. Me and arthur show up into with no yarmulkes and they don Arthur show up with no yarmulkes and they don't have a bin with yarmulkes because anybody going to this shtiebel has a yarmulke on their head. Shtiebel, you know what a shtiebel is? It's a small synagogue, small synagogue within a community.
Speaker 4Like a church has a steeple. I was going to ask what a yarmulke was. Nothing on that.
Speaker 1So one of the kids, they recognized me and they were in shock, and Arthur's in this bright, gorgeous suit, and the kids took from under their hat and gave us each a yarmulke.
Speaker 4They had a double yarmulke.
Speaker 1No, they had a yarmulke, there's probably more asbestos in this steeple than all of Arthur's kids, the steep stable looks like. By the way, it has a sign that says membership $100 for, like I go for $200. You could be the president. It was like it's so old. It's so, but it's. They had a minion 10-10.
Speaker 4Why at 10-10 at night? I?
Speaker 1guess there's people who need to say they just have the whole Every night. It's a minoriv, minyan, it's the evening service. So whatever you were busy with you couldn't get to a service or you weren't by Mincha Mariv, but by the afternoon and the evening service together, this is a 10-10. This happens every night, every night. I was blown away that this exists and it's underneath, like it's literally half a block from your front door, and it's underneath, like it's literally half a block from your front door.
Speaker 1Yeah, this exists, and it's like another world within a world.
Speaker 4And it's 10 men. There were a little bit more, but it has to be 10 men.
Speaker 1Yes, yes, yes, yes. It was just what a New York experience. I'm going from Casa Cipriani into a basement on Henry Street to say Kaddish for Randy's father. So what do you guys do for?
Speaker 3yarmulkes. They gave us the boys.
Speaker 1There's like a little yeshiva in down there and they all just picked up their little hats and gave us the yarmulke that was underneath and they just davened with the hat. That's really cute, but it was a moment.
Speaker 4Let's see.
Speaker 1It was a moment, and then yeah it was just like a New York kind of a moment. Where else are? You finding a 10-10 minion.
Speaker 2Anyway, I'm picturing like at the Port Authority. You get like the bus schedule and it's like there's like a minion in one of those.
Speaker 3There's apps.
Speaker 1Make sure you're talking to the microphone.
Speaker 3Okay, it's hard to see you, I know, so bring it closer to you.
Speaker 1I don't touch things.
Speaker 4Can women do minions doctor? You can do whatever you want Do whatever you want.
Speaker 1You want to organize your own minion.
Speaker 4I don't know, I'm just curious. Yeah, you can have a women's Tvila group? Yeah totally that's nice. A women's Tvila group.
Speaker 1Okay, so talk to me the tour we had together. What was your favorite show of the tour?
Speaker 2Oh my gosh. So the tour was unbelievable. It was such a dream to be at these amazing venues, to be opening for you, and the crowds were so great. I think we must have performed for like 20,000 people.
Speaker 4More. We had it all up. Yeah, it's crazy A little more.
Speaker 2So my favorite maybe. I mean they all had their own different vibes and everything. Kennedy Center was like the most prestigious. That was maybe like just the coolest venue. You felt like you were there with the president watching you.
Speaker 1Right, but I think there was one show that was beyond insane.
Speaker 2Well, the one outside of Philadelphia, which I forget the name of that town, keswick, the Keswick Theater, in a town you'd never heard of. It was from 1910, never been touched it looked like an old movie theater but it fit a ton of people in it. It fit.
Speaker 1We had, I think, 1, I think 1400 people and even though it was a long theater it was, it was kind of like not too high right, it was long, but there was no balcony, so just it was long as far as you could see so elon gets on and gets his first joke.
Speaker 1I forgot where you usually get your first laugh. And then I'm in the, I'm on the, I'm on the wings and you, the laughter comes through and literally pushed me back a little bit. It was so strong. I go oh my God, this is going to be an insane show. And then you killed. I went on and I was riding this high and they had this statue on the sides of a woman. She looked like she was flying or whatever.
Speaker 2It was like a winged, some kind of like Art Deco, art Deco, yeah the muse.
Speaker 1And I knew what joke I was going to use with it. I go let's give it up for Jesus Christ's sister. And I saved it to the end because I knew, once I would say it, everybody would be looking at the whole show. That's right. And it was such a. And it was even funnier because I was wearing a suit that I was like done with. I was like I knew I was going to sweat through this suit and it was a suit that I, an old suit that I was ready to let go of. And I spoke to the stagehands at the end of the show before the show. I go when I came down, they see me in schmattes. And then you come down in a suit. They go oh you look good, it's a great suit. I go yeah, I'm throwing it out after tonight's show. And they go really. And they pretend that was our banter. I get off after the meet and greet, they just thought that's what I do after I throw my suit away.
Speaker 1It was just that.
Speaker 2Suit was done. You could have donated it to the guys at the Henry Street Minion. It was so hilarious. They're like we could get 30 more years out of this thing, Before that show we had this.
Speaker 1So we get to this town. It's called Keswick. You've ever heard of it? You have a place in the Poconos. No, it's nowhere near there. Okay, Pennsylvania is one of the biggest.
Speaker 3It's literally Australia. It's Australia. I have no idea where anything is.
Speaker 1I'm so dumb. We get to this town it's called Keswick, it's really cute. It's like a little Empty town but like not fancy. And we got there early because we wanted to get out of the city without traffic. And we did the sound check. We had two hours to kill. It was 6 o'clock and they said there's a great Greek restaurant across the street. And we go across the street and empty. There's not a human being, it's a massive.
Speaker 4No one.
Speaker 1Not a human being. Why? Because it's 6 o'clock.
Speaker 2No, it was four o'clock. It was four o'clock, yeah, it was so early, it was four o'clock.
Speaker 1We were four hours before the show. It was four o'clock and we got there and like empty this restaurant, Just tables of chairs and tables. And we go hi, we are four and we'd like to eat and the guy literally gets out his reservation list Like Yardless.
Speaker 3Cirque. Yeah, he's flipping through pages doing calculations in his head.
Speaker 1It's like we're not going to be able to seat you till 1010. He finally seats us down and we eat. He goes oh I'm sorry we have a booking for later on Like as if we were going to sit and eat for six hours. It was so crazy and the little things like that happened on the tour was really cute and Yvonne told me a great story at your birthday about when you were young.
Speaker 4You saw Modi perform oh.
Speaker 2God, yeah, it was one of these hotels in the Catskills, I don't know which one, it was the Concord or the Raleigh or something like that and Modi was the comedian there, which was so different, because usually every comedian there is 90 years old.
Speaker 1Back then I was the young one, I was the young guy and we had Stewie Stone and Freddie Roman and Malzie Lawrence and all of those guys and once in a while it'd be me and they and like, once in a while it'd be me and like, wow, where's the young guy come from? Um and um. But but you know, I don't know if we talked about this, but when we did the show at town hall, some woman came up to me with her son and my. I had a CD which she had and she said to me um, this is my son, he's 26. In 1990, whatever. How old were you? Oh, 1990, 1996. He goes how old were you? I said I was 26. I bought this from you when you were 26. I was carrying him when I saw your show.
Speaker 1So that was so sweet, yes, nothing, oh, that's sweet, sweet, that's sweet. I'll open for you next okay, god bless me.
Preparing for Shabbat and Cooking
Speaker 4Oh, right, oh so god asked you. I texted you and I said can you come back, because you're always such a big hit? And you said I don't know, it's tight, it's.
Speaker 3Shabbat? No, it's not Shabbat, it's like Arab Shabbat. I have to get ready for Shabbat and, by the way, and I said, why don't you get your?
Speaker 4priorities straight. I mean, so I and then Moody was like what are you talking about? Do you have any idea how much stuff he has to do to prepare for Shabbat?
Speaker 3First of all, I teach and I speak and I you know we have like workers come to the synagogue and like I want to make sure that everything's in good order. And I cook. I cook for my family, I cook for the synagogue. This week is Shlissel Shabbos.
Speaker 4So I'm very busy, I'm sorry, the.
Speaker 3Kichalah Right oh hold on Grab the.
Speaker 1Kichalah.
Speaker 4Hold on, we're going to do that for a minute.
Speaker 1We're going to do that in a minute, but just so you understand, he's cooking a chulint, which is like the stew one that's vegetarian and let me tell you they're delicious. I'm not kidding, it's not just a custom. And he cooks them and there's food and there's drinks, and there's drinks and there's drinks, and he's got to prepare all of that. So when you call him on a Friday, it's insane that he's here right now because there's so much to do and he prepares a Dvar Torah. He prepares a word, not like he doesn't wing it, like okay, it's the Parsha of whatever. Why did Hashem choose to come down now? Because he's Hashem, he does what he wants.
Speaker 1You know, Very good, by the way, it's very good, literally, he doesn't just wing it, he has a whole thing and he builds up and for him to be here on a Friday before Shabbos.
Speaker 3we thank you and we appreciate. I love this.
Speaker 1I want to be the Andy to your Conan.
Speaker 3I love this.
Speaker 1Andy, to your what.
Speaker 3To your Conan.
Speaker 2I love this Sidekick.
Speaker 3A sidekick, a sidekick, I'm a sidekick. What is a shlissel? Shlissel challah. So it's a ridiculous thing. The Shabbat after Pesach you bake challah with a key on it.
Speaker 4With a key on it. I thought in it.
Speaker 3On it.
Speaker 1Or you make the challah in the shape of a key. It never looks that way Instead of being like oh wow, I'm going to learn something new. This is going to be wonderful. She's already like why would you hack this?
Speaker 2is why people hate us. Put a key in your challah.
Speaker 1Just go from the other angle of like I can't wait to hear this. This is so amazing.
Speaker 3You're opening up doors of I don't know.
Speaker 1Yeah, like an actual key.
Speaker 3Okay. So it used to be that they would do it with an actual key and then, like some kid choked and they changed it, so Zayde lost his teeth. There was no teeth shabby. I don't know, that's your own, I have no idea. It used to be that you put a key in it.
Speaker 2And then it was like why waste the key?
Speaker 3I don't know. I don't know how it happened.
Speaker 2They use the key because we're landlords.
Speaker 3We have lots of keys.
Speaker 2Whatever you have lying around you use.
Speaker 3S. What do you have lying around to use? It's a solo driver. Shabit, warden, shabit.
Speaker 1Oh god, now it's a key fob the key is like the key to open up doors and all of that. You just went through Passover.
Speaker 3It's the first it's hummus Periel, it's the first, it's the first bread real bread.
Speaker 1Just like it's a key to open up doors. Just like are you a baker?
Speaker 3do you bake, are you?
Speaker 4a baker. What do you think?
Speaker 3I think not.
Speaker 4Do you think correct?
Speaker 3Do you cook? How would you have handled the steak situation at Modi's house?
Speaker 4I would never have gotten into that situation to begin with.
Speaker 1I personally was shooketh when he un. He fought it and like I was like and he did it.
Speaker 4So he did it so like confidently, like oil and yeah, and salt and pepper, and massaging it into it and puts it in the oven yeah, I don't, I don't, literally I don't I'm not gonna curse, but when I, um, I decided that I would marry guy, when I understood that he, amongst the other things that I like the way that he did, that was a nice way to say it, lovely. That he also cooked. He's a chef, and, mike, I'm just surrounded by good looking men who are excellent chefs.
Speaker 1And me.
Speaker 3Who else do you have?
Speaker 4I have a A batch, yeah Her husband's in the food.
Speaker 1Gav is a cook.
Speaker 4Gav is a full-on cook chef.
Speaker 1whatever you want to say, Amazing food, amazing, everything it's.
Speaker 4Shkoyach, and so I always say it's. You know, when everybody comes over and Guy's in the kitchen.
Speaker 3And what are you up to? What are you doing? I come for vibes. I read a book. It's dirty. What do you do? I'm vibes.
Speaker 4I get invited just because I'm so much fun and a pleasure and a joy to have around.
Speaker 3I think so, I think so. No, of course we love you.
Speaker 4I'm usually on the balcony chain-smoking cigarettes.
Speaker 1No, you're not. Oh, stop it. Oh my gross Ew.
Speaker 4Her husband gets the food and she gets in the way she gets, in the way I'm like. The men are where they are supposed to be in the kitchen.
Speaker 3Everything has to be a women's studies class for you.
Speaker 4I mean not if you're not a woman Like, if you guys you know you could just get to be like the dominant, you know macho one, then no, you don't have to fight for your place.
Speaker 1Can we speak about you and I? This is going to air probably, maybe after on June 4th. You and I are doing A conversation, a conversation at the Eshel.
Speaker 3It's their fundraiser, fundraiser dinner interview event.
Speaker 1I don't know exactly what it is. I'm looking forward to it.
Speaker 3No, I mean, it's amazing that you do it. Eshel is I think we've spoken about this before Eshel is an organization that takes care of the Orthodox gays primarily, and those associated with them. So they do like parents retreats. They're helping this unique subset of the Jewish community that needs some help and it's a pretty diverse group that goes to their stuff and they have professionals that come in and offer services and part of it is just socializing and building community within a safe space, and it's a remarkable thing. I think it's like 13 years old. I think it's their bar mitzvah year.
Speaker 4Oh, and yeah, that's incredible. That's why you're my favorite rabbi.
Speaker 3It's a really nice thing. Did we tell the story about when we had them at the synagogue With the cake?
Speaker 1I think we did that, but it was our first episode, I think we spoke about that, the first episode.
Speaker 3Whatever, check it out in the archive.
Speaker 1No, tell it right away, quickly and easily.
Speaker 3Very quickly. We had a Shabbat tone and it was really to build like, create a safe space for dialogue. And parents came and it was this whole nice thing and parents were coming and we announced it and it was good for the synagogue and it was good for downtown. So I thought I'm at a wedding and I check my phone and it's a 718 number. I'm terrified of picking up my phone when it's a number I don't know and also when it's a 718 number, then no good could come of this conversation.
Speaker 1It's a 718. It's from Brooklyn like 1980s, number right, yeah.
Speaker 3So I went straight to voicemail and it was. It was a rabbi who was like very upset with me that I was holding this event. And then I like then like it rang again, it rang again, it rang again and like I started getting emails and I started getting like actual threats, um uh, that we would be excised from the Orthodox community. And I didn't think this was like such a great moment of progress. I mean, other Orthodox synagogues had hosted them before and I didn't think that there was some kind that, by virtue of where my synagogue happened to be, like close to the Lower East Side, I didn't think that I was going to be in trouble with like a whole neighborhood of rabbis the 1010 Minion. I didn't think I was going to be in trouble with like a whole neighborhood of rabbis the 1010 Minion. I didn't think I was going to be in trouble for hosting this event.
Speaker 3So they ended up like how did they deal with it? They wrote a letter and they wrote a letter on like 10 by 17 and they all signed the bottom of it. There were like 15 signatures, super cute. And they put it up in all the synagogues and in the. The butcher wouldn't let them but in, like the supermarket and like on a few like bus station, like bus uh shelters, I mean it was crazy. So I had my assistant go down to the lower east side take a picture of it. I sent the image to my friend, uh, richie heie Heisler at Butterflake, and he printed it onto a sheet cake.
Speaker 3I had them decorated with rainbows and that's what we served at the shop at the, at the at the, at the dinner, and I said I sent a picture to one of them that I knew. I said you know, tell your friends, um, you know, like this, this, this is what we think of the letter and that you know I was able to do that also. Listen, I can smell a bully a mile away as a bully. I can smell my own. So I know I also know, you know it's like a heckler, a little bit like you, can't you?
Speaker 3you can't just like meet them head on but you can't meet them like head on right, it's not going to be a dialogue and it's not going to be cute. So you have to like get around them a little bit and you also have to show that you're unfazed by it. Ps, I was super fazed by it. I was so upset because I didn't. I didn't want to. You know what I think about it. This is a community that needs support, and if they're willing to look at our shuls, what a blessing that is. That's amazing. So we have to go out of our way to make them feel safe, so to let them know that not only that they're welcome, but I say we prefer them. There's so much love, leo and I came to that dinner.
Speaker 1We were there and it was hysterical that that letter was on the cake and just people are keeping Shabbat, they're coming for Kiddush and coming for a meal, it's so great.
Speaker 4I have two things to say about that. There we go. Number one and I have said this for many, many years, even before I had kids that any mother is so lucky to have a gay son, that every mother should be blessed to have a son who is gay. Why, why, why are you doing that? That's very broad it's not that broad sometimes there's.
Speaker 1You know it could be a kid, it's not like a not like a well-dressed gay no, but like a, oh, like a, the wrong gay.
Speaker 1Well, the term that we use is shitty gay. That's the term. Some gays are just shitty gays. They're just like, not like. And again, I always say you can always judge the character of a woman by the gaze she keeps. You obviously have the highest standard. You have me and leo as your gaze and you have other gays in your life. That was what those two you have like top shelf gays I do it some of them are like listen, this it's not.
Speaker 1You're blessed. You be blessed with a child who has mashiach energy, whether he's gay or not, and that's, that's that.
Speaker 4Okay, but we're talking about something specific right now. There's nothing worse and I can I have empathy for my mother-in-law that some bitch is going to come and steal your beautiful son from you. So if you have a gay son, he's never going to leave you. He's not true. You are so good to your mother. All of my gays are so good to their mother.
Speaker 1My mom. I don't know if she would say that my mom says Leo is better to her.
Speaker 3She calls him. His mother has a lot to say. No, so you gave her Leo.
Speaker 1What kind of a gift is that I gave her another grandchild? Hello, that's the act.
Speaker 4And the other part is is thou doth protest too much? Anybody, who is that anti-gay, who really is? It bothers them so much has something going on within them.
Speaker 1It bothers them so much has something going on within themselves. If you're putting effort to get every rabbi's signature on it, it's so insane.
Speaker 4Those are the men you find in roadside motels with underage boys, ilan.
Speaker 1I have not.
Speaker 2We didn't hear from you. Those accusations about me at those hotels are not true. I don't know what you guys heard. Those videos it's Tobey Maguire. It's not me, it's social progress.
Speaker 3It's going to wax and wane. That's the nature of life. Now we realize. Now we understand how it's a safety concern. But you're really paving the way.
Speaker 4As an Orthodox rabbi, I've said this to you off camera, off air too, you are really at the forefront and paving the way, and it is such an-.
Speaker 3I'm really not. There are a lot of us.
Speaker 1Are you going to call me a tzaddik again? It's better, I was going to call you a tzaddik again.
Exploring Jewish Names and d'Var Torahs
Speaker 3It's better than you think it. It's really it's better. It's better than you think. It's getting more tolerant than than than than you think, than you realize. This is again, that's an evolution and you understand, people didn't weren't raised with my secular values and I I got, I got both. I was lucky and for me it was a negotiation. But for other people, that negotiation, that conversation that they're having to make it work and make it make sense, so they don't have that and you know they have a whole religious edifice that they have to protect At the end of the day. I think that you know 10 out of the 15 names on this letter. They just wanted to have their names with, like, more important rabbis, like ooh, we signed the letter.
Speaker 1Did they sign, like John?
Speaker 3Hancocky, yeah, of course, one guy just made an X.
Speaker 2You can tell which one was gay by how they signed right. Yeah, for sure they dyed their eyes with a little heart.
Speaker 1That's definitely the gay guy. Rainbow a little rainbow on top of his.
Speaker 4Every letter in a different, different color. Yeah, what was I, what we were talking?
Speaker 1about before. We're talking about this, like how jewish names if you're safari, sometimes it sounds really hot and sexy and sometimes if you're ashkenazi, it sounds like so, nebuchadnezzar talking about the name yohanan. Imagine someone because, hi, I'm your shmi yohanan. That's hot yohanan, it's equal yohan, or Hanan, or it's hot In Yiddish, the guy's name is Yeichenen. If someone comes to you and says, hi, I'm Yeichenen, you say I'm sorry, I'm so sorry that that's the name they gave you. It's so horrible.
Speaker 4Sounds like you're choking.
Speaker 3Wait, this is like this is also this is the thing.
Speaker 1This is again stoned on the treadmill. There's Jewish stoned on the treadmill. Um, there's jewish names that have to have a last name. So we have a friend, michael hoffman, and we can never say michael, yeah, of course it's michael hoffman, michael hoffman, it's, it's just it. Just it goes together. You know, jeffrey epstein, harvey weinstein. You can't say just harvey, it's not just jeffrey, it's like it needs the last name. You know, jeffrey Epstein, harvey Weinstein. You can't say just Harvey, it's not just Jeffrey, it's like it needs the last name. And then in the Sephardic world, where they always name the name, the first name and the second name are first names, like Omer, adam, chaim Moshe, it's like the same is that really a?
Speaker 1thing yeah, for me, when you just the ring of it, the ring of it, it's like it needs that you have to say the second name, right, right. Sometimes if the name, if the Hebrew name is so horrible, you just go with the last name, like, give me a horrible, like like a difficult. Let's say bertrand, his name is bertrand and it's just so annoying and he, he doesn't want to go by bert, so it's bertrand which is just an annoying name, bertrand for a stutterer.
Speaker 1It's one of the worst names, bertrand. Everything is stuck. I can't breathe. So you go by his last name, greenblatt. If you're choosing Greenblatt as a default, it's bad, it's really bad. I think this is a new bit. Elon, that's good. It's good name stuff. Yeah.
Speaker 2Also Jewish names are tough because autocorrect Phones are kind of anti-Semitic because they never know these real Jewish-y kind of names and they all have different words talk literally Hebrew into it while it was on the Yiddish.
Speaker 1And then they had one update and it destroyed everything. I had Mashiach energy, I had Shabbat Shalom, I had people's names, I had all kinds of like Right, because you do talk to text. I do talk to text and there was one update that destroyed it.
Speaker 4It made it so hard, oh yeah, because your texts come through and they're insane. Right like half of his text. I'm like what is going on?
Speaker 3oh, modi text, oh, that's a whole, that's a whole thing.
Speaker 1So we told him, we told him, we told gav, we yesterday we're going to do an episode on our own. I said, see if ilan's around, see if gav's around, see whoever's around if they, if they're kind of free. So I said tomorrow we have we tape before you.
Speaker 4We had the Liat Korin and Shani Granot. Liat's cousin is Omer Shemtov, who's a hostage in Gaza.
Speaker 1Right, so that was the podcast we did before and Gav hits me right away. He goes, he said I've never been held hostage but I have been kept for a double taping of a podcast Because last time he was here he just stayed for two podcasts and again, pause for the laughter. We pause for the laughter with the families of the hostages. It was an insane episode before you guys.
Speaker 4It'll hit me later on how insane that was, and also the fact that you're like best friends with Liat's husband.
Speaker 3Oh, we're gym bros. Yeah, of course Gym bros. Is that who?
Speaker 1you are, we are. Does he also drop weights on his face? He does not.
Speaker 3He's risk averse and I'm not Risk-averse. No, he's the best. Jim Bro, is he also 4 am like you no he's like 7, like 6.30, maybe AM. He's early, yeah, but he's not this you know.
Speaker 1No, that's the special Jim Bro. Right by Jim Bro. He is right by Jim Bro.
Speaker 3He owns the Bialy store. By you, by you Really?
Speaker 1Oh does he? He owns Cozars yes.
Speaker 3Cozars.
Speaker 4What a small world.
Speaker 3That's so funny, that's so great. What a small world.
Speaker 4Yeah.
Speaker 3So he's also very afraid of 718 numbers.
Speaker 4Yes she also grew up um her grandparents, I think, live in my parents building in queens, which is also in regal park in regal park.
Speaker 3Very small what a small world, wait, we have to talk the event. So what are we doing? So?
Speaker 1what are we doing? I don't know. I just figured it's I.
Speaker 4Do we know how long?
Speaker 1it is no idea.
Speaker 4You guys should definitely prepare for it. Live on the podcast, though it's a great. No, I don't know.
Speaker 1If people have ideas, we should prepare questions and answers and all that. We shouldn't just go in there raw. Yeah, of course.
Speaker 2That's the name of the event.
Speaker 1Raw that happens. Actual dinner raw, that's the name of the event Raw Raw.
Speaker 4Raw, raw, raw conversation With Modi and Rabbi Bolina.
Speaker 1Invite all the rabbis from the Lower East Side down there.
Speaker 4Nice, what is raw, rabbis and.
Speaker 2Rabbis against Women. Women Also called rabbis rabbis, oh that's.
Speaker 1Hysterical rabbis against women, that's so funny by the way you know I, I heard an amazing dvar. You know who gives amazing little small dvar.
Speaker 4Torah is what cheating on me cheating on I was thinking of you guys all morning. Why? Because my son had a Dvar Torah this morning and I went to the synagogue in his school.
Speaker 1He gave yeah. What was his message?
Speaker 4That he used to be lazy and not do his Hebrew homework and because he's in the native Hebrew speaking class, the expectations on him were higher and he eventually realized that he should start doing his homework and he took that responsibility on himself and Mora Chava is not mad at him anymore. But it was so sweet. And there were four kids who gave a d'var Torah. I took pictures. I thought of you guys, and there were four kids who gave a Dvar Torah. I took pictures. I thought of you guys, and then I started thinking I have no idea what a Dvar Torah is.
Speaker 3Yeah, I like that. You made that very obvious, because that was like literally group therapy.
Speaker 1Dvar, dvar, le Daber From Dvar.
Speaker 4Oh, I thought like a thing.
Speaker 1Dvar.
Speaker 4Dvar.
Speaker 3No, like D'bur.
Speaker 4Oh, okay.
Speaker 3Yeah, d'bur Torah, d'var, torah, d'var Torah but what it D'var Torah is like Pluralize it, pluralize it, d'vrei, d'vrei, torah, d'vrei, torah, d'vrei, torah.
Speaker 1It's so insane how Ashkenazi and Sephardic sound when they give the Dvar Torahs. Ashkenazi sound like so a little sissy. No.
Speaker 4Like a shitty gay.
Speaker 1No no, no, no, no, but like, okay. So in this week's parasha we learn how that it's not like. It's not that Hashem was. They always use, they always say the verb in Hebrew so Hashem was Hailech, he was going. Why do we say he was Hailech and not Yared? Because Hashem can't be Yared.
Speaker 3Meanwhile, you're talking such nonsense right now. I'm not.
Speaker 1I was like listening and then the guy is like literally it sounds borderline Hamas. It's like, what is this? It's very that.
Speaker 3No, no, of course. No, it's also I like the speakers when they don't have the conclusion. So then like, just like they'll make their point when they don't have the conclusion, so then like, just like they'll make their point but, they can't just get off the stage, so there has to be like bim hera, bim minu amid or right, no, every and.
Speaker 1And because Abraham was in his tent, we should all be with Moshiach in the tent, and that in the tent and in the.
Speaker 4That's how they end everything. What is this? Are you guys going to explain what this is?
Speaker 1Go ahead If anybody should be describing it.
Speaker 3Sure, you're trying to present something thoughtful about Torah, about religion, about spirituality. That's Devar Torah, a word of Torah, so it could be like a one minute thing. It could be. It's usually short. It should be short, right, because it's not like a sermon. You know what a sermon is.
Speaker 4But it could be a lot. You're talking to me like I'm like developmentally disabled.
Speaker 3I don't know what you know. There's a lot you don't know. You need a lot of work. You know what a sermon is Like that son of yours. You need to buckle down and do some work.
Speaker 4You're like learning something, like get some wisdom. Yes, wrapping knowledge.
Speaker 1Hopefully something you walk away with that you can use in your day.
Speaker 4A lesson.
Speaker 1So Rabbi Gross, dina's father, rabbi Yokel Yisrael Gross, he is the best. He is sometimes long-winded, sometimes he just gives you like a little nugget, a little nugget of information. So Rabbi Gross, during Passover, turns to me and goes Mazel. He goes. You know what Mazel means? I go luck. He goes. No, it's Reshetavis, it's acronym, mazal is makom. So a place time and speech. If you're in the right place at the right time and you say the right thing, you have luck, that's mazelot.
Speaker 2Wow, that's a Torah.
Speaker 1Finished.
Speaker 4By the way.
Speaker 1No need to you walk away with something.
Speaker 4So why did it take you three hours to?
Speaker 3explain that to me. He's absolutely right, because mazelot really means it doesn't mean luck, it refers to the constellations, the mazalot right, so, and that's like a temper, that's a time-based sort of thing. Whenever you say mazal tov, what we're saying is that the timing should be right. That's right. We started like differentiating mazal tov and the sha'atov right. It really means the same thing the, the constellation, something could happen to you mazal tov because if it wasn't the right timing, then it's nothing.
Speaker 2One second, anything. Yeah. Once you started talking about constellations, I got into it because I'm a big astrology buff. There you go. Now it's religion.
Speaker 1Guys, this is religion to me, the best thing about Ilan Altman is he could also not talk and then turn to him Boom. He's literally in the green room. That's him. He gets in there like this and then boom, watch me and Leo taste the Celsius drinks that they bring us and poke around with the Caesar salad and he just sits like this Line line boom.
Speaker 2And then back into hibernation by the way.
Speaker 3that's got to be part of what makes him I mean he's such a talent. That's got to be. He's such a talent. Oh, that's gotta be he's so easy to be around.
Speaker 1He's so lovely, a pleasure to be around. Thank you, pleasure. He's not having a meltdown and his wife comes and she's adorable, sarah. And then his family comes, his parents come and they're so sweet and the father just bought a honda odyssey oh, he's so happy.
Speaker 2he was brand new honda odyssey. He drove it to the tarrytown show and it was parked right outside Cherry red, by the way.
Speaker 1You want people to know you got a Sparty car.
Speaker 3Honda Odyssey, Lower East Side. How is he not like an ultra orthodox Jew?
Speaker 2He was definitely in that Minion on Henry Street.
Speaker 1Oh yeah, no, have you ever driven a Honda Odyssey.
Speaker 4I have not.
Speaker 1It is so much fun. Dina had one for a while and I used to drive it and I don't know why there were a few times I drove it and you feel like you're driving a bus. I have all these seats, you are, you can literally have like and there's television sets and there's like, it's like a, it's like a catering hall. Everything becomes a seat. The ashtray becomes a seat. It's so much fun she now drives brand new Range Rovers only.
Speaker 1But this is when the kids were really young. The door opens up, it's like you're in a helicopter in Vietnam. I know that car in.
Speaker 3T-Deck. You see someone with the keys, not my car. They're like. You see someone with the keys, not my car, not my car.
Speaker 2Yeah, they're all guys.
Speaker 3Honda, they're all Honda, like silver Honda.
Speaker 4I think Juanita Dorman has one of those I think so, for all the kids.
Speaker 2It's the best minivan there is.
Speaker 4I'm still stuck on this pleasure to be around.
Speaker 1I don't think anybody has ever said that about me. I said it one time.
Speaker 2About. I don't think anybody has ever said that about me. I said it one time About you people say she's a character, she's a character. She's a real piece of work that broad no they walk away.
Speaker 1Makhshifa, you're not a Makhshifa.
Speaker 3She's a real tough broad.
Speaker 1A tough cookie.
Speaker 4I should start smoking again.
Speaker 1No, no. What do you smoke? What do you think? You are a pleasure to be around. You're fun. There's a.
Speaker 4There's a difference between fun and a pleasure to be around. What was your cigarette? Cool.
Speaker 1No.
Speaker 3Parliament.
Speaker 1Then Marlboro Lights.
Speaker 2Virginia Slims.
Speaker 1Virginia Slims Look at her.
Speaker 2And she would have one of those long cigarette holders, that's something a shitty gay would smoke.
Speaker 1Go ahead.
Speaker 4Marlboro Lights. Really Modi? Come on, so the Marlboro Major.
Speaker 2Major. Oh, I know, I know the Indian one. What's it called? Oh, american Spirit.
Speaker 1American Spirit. I was, in my head, an Israeli woman with this.
Speaker 2My mom used to smoke Parliament cigarettes we had that in the house all the time. Did you know?
Speaker 1in Israel that brand is called Knesset it's true, nice, we will be at the West Hampton Theatre. We done anything.
Speaker 3In conclusion, we're doing this event. It's going to be great. When is it?
Speaker 1June 4th, june 4th. And then we are going from there straight to Cipriani downtown to dance with the Hatzalah United. Hatzalah, we're going to probably come there super late when they start the music, and all that.
Speaker 4Oh, I'm going to that.
Speaker 1So we'll see you there. But anyway, um actual uh event, it's gonna be also live streamed, right? Lovely, I think. So we'll get that information it's and we'll we'll post it out.
Speaker 4Um uh we are um actively running with the modi cycle oh, how are we? Doing for united by now, and probably what we've done.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah, yeah modi cycle yeah, so contact, perriel, if you want to donate for a modi cycle, which is a, a moped motorcycle that hutsala has um where they can get to people immediately and help them when they're in distress and heart attack. Obviously, united Hutzala.
Speaker 4You all know what that is, but this one's going to have a picture of Modi's face on it, yep.
Speaker 1Modi, cycle Modi cycle.
Speaker 4If you donate, the first three people to donate $10,000 is going to get a ticket to one of your shows.
Speaker 1Your choice. Whatever show you want it could be. The Beacon. It could be Yerushalayim, it could be wherever you want and when you're.
Speaker 4Just put your contact, periel, yeah, you can DM me about it on Instagram at Periel. And also, while you're choking to death, somebody will tell you a joke Beautiful.
Speaker 1How hilarious.
Speaker 2They're also doing one for you, right, you could donate to get a Peri-Helicopter, a Peri-Helicopter.
Speaker 4That's so good.
Speaker 1Yuan, I'm telling you, it's so funny.
Speaker 2Folks, it's nice, because the sound of the rotors drowns out her voice.
Speaker 4My husband's going to buy that all by himself.
Speaker 1He's like while she's talking.
Speaker 3No, instead of a siren, it's a woman can drive this too A woman can drive this too, I used to smoke.
Speaker 1I wrote a book Two books, two books, not Gov plugging your books Three books on the way.
Speaker 4Yes, the third one is on the way On main. Okay, bodilifecom Shaltova.
Speaker 1Okay, the special is out. Know your audience. It's on YouTube. Make sure you watch it. And with your family Again, if your grandmother, grandfather, saba Safda Zadie Bubba don't have a way to watch it, be the nephew or the grandchild that goes over and watches it with them on your iPad or on your TV. Pair it up, whatever you do, help them out technologically. They should have a laugh. So that's Know your Audience on YouTube. It's also still on Amazon and modilivecom for the shows. We are in West Hampton on June I'm sorry, july 28th and we are in Jerusalem June 16th and we are in Atlantic City and we have many, many more shows and there's a new tour coming out called Pause for Laughter, and everything's on modilivecom. I cannot thank Ilan Altman for being on the podcast and they can catch all your material and all your dates on.
Speaker 2You can go to my website, elonaltmancom, and find me on Twitter at Ilan Altman and on Instagram at Ilanstagram. Okay.
Speaker 1And the holy rabbi of the Sixth Street Synagogue, which is at Sixth Street. It's written out S-I-X-T-H yes, sixth Street Synagogue. And come down for a minion Sponsor, a kiddish. Make that a place that you go to. You don't have to get dressed up. You can go like any of us are dressed. No one needs you in a suit. But if you want to do a suit, you can. If you want to do a strimel, do a strimel. You know what that is? The fur hat. If that makes you feel welcome to be there, do it, and people do. We have people showing up with that.
Speaker 2But can women wear that there?
Speaker 1They do, that's who wears it. Okay, good, okay. Thank you very much for listening, modilifecom. Let us know what you think. Let us know what you think. Let us know what you think I sound like a we don't care what you think. We don't care what you think. Email Periel. That's why we have our email Periel.
Speaker 3She'll deal with you. I will block you so fast. She'll let you know how much she cares.
Speaker 1Bye everybody. Thank you very much for listening.