AND HERE’S MODI
AND HERE’S MODI is an inside look at the man behind the microphone. Hosted by comedian, Modi (@modi_live), AHM features a raw and unfiltered side of the comedian rarely seen on stage. He always finds the funny as he navigates the worlds of comedy, trending topics, his personal life and spirituality. AHM is co-hosted by Periel Aschenbrand (@perielaschenbrand) and Leo Veiga (@leo_veiga_).
AND HERE’S MODI
Aleeza Ben Shalom
Episode 138: Aleeza Ben Shalom (of Netflix's Jewish Matchmaking) returns to the podcast to discuss her new book, "Matchmaker Matchmaker: Find Me a Love That Lasts".
Send us Modi Mail!
118A Orchard St.
PMB #208
New York, NY 10002
Modi's special "Know Your Audience" is available on YouTube now!
For all upcoming shows visit www.modilive.com.
Follow Modi on Instagram at @modi_live.
Welcome to Andy's Modi. We are back here in the studio with Elisa Ben Shalom, the Jewish matchmaker Netflix superstar. First of all, you look stunning, beautiful. I love whatever you're wearing.
Speaker 2:This is my cape, because you know I'm a superhero. Matchmakers are miracle workers.
Speaker 1:you know A hundred percent superhero matchmaker, and she's here again with us. We loved it so much. When you were here last time. I learned so much, so many things, and now you have a new book.
Speaker 3:Matchmaker, matchmaker.
Speaker 1:Matchmaker, matchmaker, find me a love that lasts.
Speaker 2:Right Bam, you don't just want love.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:You want a love that lasts.
Speaker 1:Amen.
Speaker 2:Do you know that only 2% of marriages make it over 60 years? Well, I mean 6% of marriages make it over 50 years.
Speaker 1:Can you imagine being married 60 years and then you go? Enough is enough, Enough is enough.
Speaker 3:That's it. But I mean, you're probably dead after that, right?
Speaker 1:No, it's not true at all People who live into their deep 80s that are married for over 60 years. The problem.
Speaker 2:Modern day people don't get married till later. So if you don't get married till 40, you don't really have a shot. Is that a problem?
Speaker 1:Wait a minute. So I'm going to challenge you on that. I think it's become very Lindsay to get married early Now. A lot of young couples are getting married, A lot of young, obviously. A lot of couples are getting married early Now we're trying to bring it back in.
Speaker 3:Aliza's bringing it back in to get married. But I want to tell you something Most marriages over 50% of marriages end in divorce, Right. Most marriages, over 50% of marriages end in divorce, right. And when you get married younger, like you're 21, you're a totally different person by the time you're 40.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but you can grow up and grow together. And like you know, you got to keep bringing yourselves back.
Speaker 3:I didn't get married until I was 35. And I think that I was like one of the last one of my friends to get married and it's I should have never no.
Speaker 1:I should have never gotten married. Yes, yes, no, I want to tell you something when you're sitting. So we talked about this last time and people always ask me I guess I'm a Jewish figure. I'm a political figure. You're not a political figure, Jewish figure, I'm a political figure.
Speaker 3:You're not a political figure, public figure, you're a public figure.
Speaker 1:And they ask these questions and they should have dated. I'd never been on one. I found my beshert on a train, but I did, I really did. But, like these people are sitting on shudduk dates where they're meeting somebody that they might be married to, I think the main thing in your head is where is this person going to be in 20 years and where am I going to be and are we going to be suitable for each other? Because the person you are now and the person you're in 20 years from now is two different people.
Speaker 2:The only person we know is the person you are today, right? Did we know I was going to go on Netflix and do a show and be a woman who moved to Israel with five kids, and then she's the one flying out after she flew everybody?
Speaker 1:into Israel right.
Speaker 2:We didn't know that that was the plan right, but we knew that the plan was get married, live a meaningful life and build a beautiful family together, and then, whatever that becomes, you still have to like, bring yourselves back to center.
Speaker 3:It's like this, coming and going you have to be willing to grow. If you don't grow, you break.
Speaker 2:I mean what?
Speaker 3:are you going to do? Wow, you can use that.
Speaker 2:If you don't grow, you break.
Speaker 1:First of all if you don't bend it's the tree that bends in the wind. You big ding dong. If you don't bend, you break. If you don't bend, you break. Oh God, you're a fortune cookie Horrible. I should hit you with that book. No.
Speaker 3:You have to cover the top if you're going to hit me with it, though.
Speaker 1:Are we doing that yet? No, let's wait a minute. What's this book like? What's the? What's the? What's the kishkas Like? What's the meaning of this book? Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2:What I love about this book.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Is that it's a phenomenal read, right? Besides the wisdom that's in there, sometimes like you have to read a book and like to get to the wisdom, it's like a drink cup. It's almost like you're reading fiction and like, boom, you get wisdom through it. So you hear all of my client stories, which we changed the names to protect the innocent right.
Speaker 2:And the guilty and the and the, whatever, um, and all the stories. Like the storylines we changed, but like at the Kishkas of it, at the root of it, you have the real story of the client and then you see like a Lisa woven through it. So it's I guess it's similar to the show where you've got like a client, you've got an example, this is what's happening. And then you get to the end and it's like, okay, so how do I apply that to my life? And then you open it up and you're like, oh, look, tips and tools for me. So it's such a good read and it's great for singles because, hey, you could help yourself, but you could also help a friend, because I think that you don't have to be a matchmaker to make a match. Anyone can make a match.
Speaker 1:Or to give somebody a piece of advice, a nugget of advice that they might pick up from your book.
Speaker 2:But everybody can make a match. I have made a match, see.
Speaker 3:But he wound up being a pathological liar and they got divorced.
Speaker 1:Never.
Speaker 2:Okay, anyway, thanks for sharing that. We'll cut that part out.
Speaker 3:Just kidding. No, so maybe you do need to be a professional, but I have passed your advice that you gave on this show last time to one of my girlfriends.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Which was I said don't touch until the fifth date, didn't you say that? And then she was like, oh, this guy's awful. And I said if it's not a no, it's a go. And so I said keep going out with him.
Speaker 1:And then you had another one date him till you hate him all the same what I took from you was there's 15 million Jews in the world and 15 million ways to be Jewish. Right, it's such an amazing.
Speaker 2:It feels good when you hear that.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Because you're part of the clout, but your identity is not lost as who you are.
Speaker 1:Right, you're part of the community. Right, it's a community. Right, you're part of the community.
Speaker 2:Right, it's a community. We are one.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And we are ourselves also Correct Simultaneously.
Speaker 3:I just want to say that the page that I opened up to the book says I haven't told her yet about my anxiety. I didn't want to bring in the heavy stuff too early.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a good idea. Don't bring in the heavy stuff too early, I mean a lot of people are like listen, they have to love me for who I am, accept me for who I am. I'm like good, but not on the first date. On the first date, right, you show up with a smile, the anxiety, just you know, apparently.
Speaker 1:Hold it in a fiddle and it's so. You know, I obviously follow you on Instagram and you're living in Israel, where that's a nightmare and there's always a smile on your face. There's always some happiness coming to you. There's a few pages that when you land on, there's going to be a smile and I hope that mine makes that, but you also Yours is a smile and a laugh, mine is just a smile.
Speaker 2:It's fun.
Speaker 1:You're having fun at what you're doing. I love it. Yeah, and now is making matches in Israel harder than like making them here in America?
Speaker 2:Israel is different. So Israelis are really marriage-minded, Like they're very family, community-minded right Every week. But you don't have to be religious.
Speaker 1:They get married young. They get married young.
Speaker 2:It's like go to school, go to the army, get right and then figure yourself out right they figure themselves out. They do university, they do figuring out their first job with their person, as they're growing up. They literally grow up together and they build a life together and they figure it out on the road here in america. It's like become who you are, have everything, insert person into life. Poof like make it work right it's not the right recipe.
Speaker 2:It's not the right order for the recipe it is. It's a good recipe. It's just like you put the ingredients in the wrong order. If you put it in the wrong order, it doesn't always work.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, I look, I'm a baker.
Speaker 2:It's a thing. It's a thing, it's a baker yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, I met my, my soulmate uh, while I was already working, but obviously with him it began to be a bigger thing. It only helped Imagine I was with well, he wasn't born yet, but when I began. My husband and I have an age gap too.
Speaker 2:He jokes about it. He's like I couldn't get married at 25. You were 15.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, but but yeah, things, things, things, things happen and we we don't control what happens, but we can.
Speaker 2:Control our response to what happens.
Speaker 1:We can control our thoughts. We can control our thoughts.
Speaker 3:You must get invited to a lot of weddings. I do, oh that's, do you go?
Speaker 2:So I used to go much more For a fee For a small fee.
Speaker 2:No, I used to go much more. I actually came in on one of my tours, somebody that I was very close with, who really took me in and loved me like no other, and she's like, listen, if you could come to my wedding, I'm like when is it? She's like we're not sure yet. I'm like I need to know the date. I'm planning a tour and if you tell me the date, maybe I could like fly in, fly out, like make it that moment. I went to her wedding. She's like, don't worry, it's 20 minutes from the airport. I flew out that night and I made her wedding.
Speaker 1:That's so nice, that's so sweet.
Speaker 2:It was really a blessing, but I miss a lot. I really miss a lot. And people are like, oh, I wish you could come. And I was like I wish too, like I need the tele. You know teleport like snap. Oh, I'm there you know right that's what I really need that's the expression actually they zoom me in now, so um one person. These will send us a recording we'll like put you on the screen.
Speaker 2:So I gave them a toast because I made the match actually it was for somebody that was on the show, not one of the, but one of the daters who shall remain anonymous. But after the show I was like, okay, it didn't work out on the show and I have a great match. And it was a real like slow grow and thank God they got married and they're like come to the wedding. I was like it's like two days before Rosh Hashanah, I can't. So I sent them a video and I gave them blessings and Mazel Tov and my friends that were at the wedding they're like we saw you and I was like, yay, I just don't get to see you.
Speaker 1:I'll tell you a funny story. We spoke about it on the podcast, but I was invited to be at a wedding in Monaco. There was a couple that got married and the wife knew that the husband to be was a fan and so she wanted to surprise him by having me come and emcee the event. And you know, and we came, as I said, but I'll also do the seventh bracha in the chuppah, if you want. So that was the first time he was seeing that I was at this wedding and it was the craziest thing Did he go nuts.
Speaker 2:What Did he go, nuts? He Did he go nuts.
Speaker 1:He went nuts. I think I told the story on the podcast before. But we get to the wedding. I was a surprise and they had this wedding happening and the service was way too long. It was way too long. It was not. The guy did not know his audience and then I came up and I said to them. I said I said I came up, the groom's face just dropped, what am I? And I was dressed in a capota. I was dressed in a full capota, the black robe, and then I said I'm not going to mention their names, but like Bill and Harriet, I hope that your marriage, your lives and your happiness last as long as this ceremony. And that was like. And then it was great and then, like, the father of the bride was sick and couldn't make the event, and that just happened before, and I feel like my presence there, just like relieved that energy. But yeah, weddings are insane. Yeah, weddings are insane. It's such a blessing to go. You sing, you dance, yeah, this.
Speaker 2:She came over to me and um bride she's this bride, bride, thank you she. She's like thank you, and I'm so happy you're here. I'm like thank you, and, like you know, smile, take a picture for the camera, right, that's what you do and move on, go back to your guests. She like stayed with me for a half an hour. I was like you have to go back and dance with your people. She's like no, and we're like off the dance floor on the side. She's dancing with me it was such.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was the most gorgeous thing. She was Libby Libby Walker, who's uh now Libby Shio. I think I got her name right, the new last name.
Speaker 1:I only know old names, not new names okay, and and besides that, so from so this, how's it selling?
Speaker 2:Good People love it. The great thing about it, it's Jewish wisdom for the world. So you don't have to be Jewish to read the book. You don't even have to be single to read the book. It really helps anybody who's in a relationship or no, who wants to get into a relationship.
Speaker 1:If you're in a relationship and you need soulmate clarity, you can use it, and if you just don't know what to do and you'd like to help match people you can just download my brain. You just read the book and you got all my wisdom.
Speaker 2:Do you have an audio copy of it?
Speaker 3:Yes, that's your speed.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm on a treadmill. We'll put you on.
Speaker 3:I'll read. I'll read. I was going to say I won't leave you a book.
Speaker 1:I'll leave you a book. I'll read the book.
Speaker 2:I was going to say I won't leave you a book.
Speaker 1:I'll leave you a book. I'll read the book. No, leave me a book. Leo reads books like that. Yeah, okay, he'll love it, he'll love it, he'll love it. What else is happening besides the book? What's going on in the show-wise and Netflix-wise and theory of like you don't?
Speaker 2:have to be a matchmaker. Anyone can make a match is something that I feel really passionate about, cause I think that the whole world is falling apart and I think at the root of the world being successful is bringing couples together. Okay, okay, if we build beautiful couples, they build beautiful families. If we build beautiful families, we've got a beautiful community, and if we build beautiful communities, we've got a fantastic world.
Speaker 1:Amen.
Speaker 2:We don't have a great world this moment. I mean, the world is wonderful. I, like you, know God's work, but our work and what we, the human race, have done, is not so pretty today. I'm not into politics, nothing.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, we're into politics. No, no, no, we didn't do positive but just like.
Speaker 2:It's just not the world that I would envision, and the only way that I know how to fix it is through building beautiful relationships with couples.
Speaker 3:You know that there's a father whose son was killed on October 7th and he's a jeweler, and so what he? I'm sure you know.
Speaker 2:I don't know what the number he was up to, but he was up to in the 80s or 90s, so he donates one single diamond to any soldier who wants to get married oh, he gives him a diamond ring in the name of his son. Oh, that's amazing upwards of a hundred or now probably over a hundred. So he said, meet him.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm sure it's in, so that his son, you know, passed away, but in his name that he's created all of these families.
Speaker 1:That's so amazing. I did a fundraiser. It wasn't a fundraiser, it was a friend raiser. They paid me, but it was in someone's house for singles. It's between 30 and 40 years old. That was it, and it was Shidduchim were made there.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, people met and there was one or two couples that got together and it was, it's amazing.
Speaker 2:So I love it when those things happen and you get right one or two couples. But what happens to everybody else? So my theory is, if you met somebody there and singles are more skilled than I am because the people they meet they know really well, they went on a date with them, they went on a few dates with them, they heard all the stories, they get a vibe so they're not for you. So you didn't waste your time. Go recommend them to a friend, Like everyone's. Like oh, I don't want to. You know, I don't want to.
Speaker 1:So you're meeting somebody at the singles event and you go. You're not good for me, but I know someone you'd be great for.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like so nice to meet you, not my type and they're like, oh, but I really want to be. And you're like, yeah, there's just nothing you can do. You're inherently wrong. Don't say that. This is like what's going through your mind, right, but after, after you have a nice conversation, you could say you know, I don't think this is a match for me, but I actually know somebody, I have somebody in mind. Would you mind if I made a connection and it's going to be normal, and you could just say Aliza told me I should do this? I'm telling everybody you need to do this. It's so important. I think over 35% of matches are made through friends or family recommendations. It might be more. We have to do a study on this. Oh, that's also what I'm working on. I want, like I want peer reviewed studies, data.
Speaker 2:I want information. Like, the Jewish matchmaking movement is a whole movement. It's a mindset, it's a training. We're going to have data. We're going to have study. You're going to see good things. I'm coming back again.
Speaker 1:Whatever you want, we love you. Yeah, data Right.
Speaker 2:We need data.
Speaker 1:Because the only data you ever hear is one out of every two marriages has been divorced.
Speaker 2:It's so not motivating.
Speaker 3:It's so horrible.
Speaker 2:People are like wow, and then ask the 50% that stay married, how many are happy?
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:We're happy.
Speaker 1:So in my show now I have a whole part about marriage advice where I ask the audience who's been married for many, many years and ask what their secret is, and they like yell it out. It's like my audience participation work, yeah.
Speaker 2:My mother-in-law has a good answer.
Speaker 1:What's hers?
Speaker 2:Patience and hearing aids.
Speaker 1:Patience and hearing aids. Yeah, have patience and turn your hearing aid off.
Speaker 3:I feel like I've heard people say that at your show.
Speaker 2:That's the question Should it go up or should it go off?
Speaker 1:Yeah, most of the answers are yes, dear.
Speaker 3:Yes, that's it.
Speaker 1:Yes, dear, that's a start. Okay, yeah, Some people come up with individual ones Humor. They say but you see couples that are married like 35, 50 years and they're like they have their. They say respect, respect.
Speaker 2:And then you know, but you know that whatever is at the core of what they're saying, that's their secret sauce, but it's also their greatest challenge, right? So like that's what they're dealing with. So if they say respect, so respect is the secret. Respect is also what they're struggling with the most, right? So the hearing aids like yeah, it's funny, right? So the hearing aids like yeah, it's funny, haha, but like being heard right or being understood, or like literal hearing or emotional hearing, either way. Right, this could just be a physical thing. It doesn't have to be an emotional thing. But like, at the core of it, that's what we're all really struggling with and it's true.
Speaker 1:So whatever they're yelling out is what they're really struggling with yeah, you can turn this into a comedy bit.
Speaker 2:Feel free to use it. Be like. I know Lisa told me it's your secret, but it's also your greatest challenge, like, the thing that you hold most sacred is probably also the thing that you struggle with the most.
Speaker 2:I think that it is, I think, the things that we want, and everybody has different things. For some people it's loyalty. Why? Because somebody in the past did something right. So with my partner, loyalty, it's the most important thing. There's always loyalty, trust, you know, I know right, Because that's what they struggle with. So that's their secret recipe.
Speaker 3:I think Modi's secret recipe has always resonated with me what is it. You have three things. Oh, this is it. If everybody could follow here. You can use this in your app, yeah.
Speaker 1:Our secret is hydrate, moisturize and be nice. That's it. That's all you need Just hydrate, moisturize. If you're not hydrated, you're going to be a mess and angry. If you're not moisturized, you don't feel good and just be nice. Just be nice. It's just easier to be nice. It's less effort than to be mean, and that's ours.
Speaker 3:It's good, yeah, it's good.
Speaker 1:That's ours. Yeah, oh God, how's your husband?
Speaker 2:He's good. He just had a full knee replacement. He's a bionic man. He got a new foot, a new knee, a new hip. He's young, he's working out.
Speaker 1:How old is he?
Speaker 2:58 years young 58 years young. 58 years young, okay, we have a 10 and a half year age gap between us.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:And, and I mean it works.
Speaker 1:You and I have a 10, 12 year age gap.
Speaker 2:Yeah yeah, you can 10 and 12, 22 years Comedian you're not a mathematician, it's fine, it depends who says it. Yeah, so I think I mean now my kids joke about, like you know, like it's not like in my house Is it raining. It's more like is it raining rockets today. Do we get to stay home or do we have to go to school? And I'm like, oh, no, no, we're good you got to go to school.
Speaker 1:I'm like, oh, when do you live in Israel?
Speaker 2:We live in Pardes, khana Pardes.
Speaker 1:Khana.
Speaker 2:Yeah, halfway between Haifa, near Qais Saria, near the port, it's actually very quiet there, it's you almost wouldn't even know anything's going on, unless you knew, and only you know. A few times did we have some uh, you know rockets yeah, a few but nothing, nothing that like impacted or or was significant. We don't feel the. The thing that we do the most is that we take people in from other places or we send support out to other people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and and October 7th, many Jewish people have become like I don't want to say more religious, but they've been doing more things like lighting candles, putting on tefillin, going to synagogue, doing things of that sort. Has that affected, like the matchmaking and the getting married situation, or no?
Speaker 2:So a lot of people had, like this awakening where they were feeling like I want to marry somebody Jewish, I want to be involved with my Judaism, and I don't know exactly what that looks like.
Speaker 3:Like.
Speaker 2:I don't want to be religious, but I do want to, like you said, light candles or put on tefillin, like I want to take an action and I want to live a Jewish life, however that I define that, whatever that means to me. And so we've seen people first of all redefining themselves, then redefining what they want in a relationship, and then having to like rewrite profiles and then go out there and then learn how to search differently, because you know it used to be like open to anything. And now it's like, well, if you don't support Israel, like I don't want to be alone. I just don't want to be alone anymore and I definitely don't want to live with my parents or take care of them my whole life. Like I want to take care of me in my life.
Speaker 2:And then everybody went back to like quote, normal-ish. And then this happened. And then they're like whoa, okay, I not only don't I want to be alone, but I do want to be a part of a community, and I know it's a Jewish community and that's important to me. So there is this like latent, you know, judaism that's been buried inside of a lot of people that came out. That was like I should do something about that and related to my dating. That's probably where I should start, yeah.
Speaker 1:And related to my dating. That's probably where I should start. Yeah, you know, in my show now I've also been addressing. In my last show I was about Sephardic Ashkenazi relationships and the differences and people were like so relieved and thank God, oh my God, Thanks for talking about that. And now I'm talking about couples that have gotten together that are not both Jewish, and you can really see relief. But my core thing is that just because you're with somebody who's not Jewish doesn't mean you're not Jewish and you can still do all of your things and do all of your mitzvot. And again, the goal is to bring Moshiach energy with whoever you're with, and so it's been a very, very interesting.
Speaker 2:It's been tough for mixed marriages. It's hard because the Jewish side feels like you don't get me like to the core of really what's going on to my people, cause it's not your people.
Speaker 3:I mean, it depends on the couple.
Speaker 2:It depends on the relationship. But from the couples that are struggling I'll speak about. The ones that are struggling are like but you don't understand. It's not just like a little thing, it's really big. But for the couples that do understand, there's some couples that have gorgeous relationships.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and they're helpful to each other. And yeah, and you're on the same page and you're not like, you don't understand, you're not Jewishish. It's like they should have built to the point where you understand who the jew that they're dating is and what their situation. But it it rocked, a lot of it rocked and put together many, many people. You know if all of a sudden, your, your, your lover, your, your spouse is, people are screaming, they, they should be killed. You're like, oh my God, this is talking about my soulmate here that's screaming about to kill and yell. So it brings people together too. But yeah, it's a very interesting journey. I'm going with the show.
Speaker 2:I was going to say you're really tackling a lot of different angles and helping Jews to identify with their Judaism whoever they are, wherever they're at.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:It's a special thing to be able to tap into people.
Speaker 1:Are you wrapping us up?
Speaker 3:No, not at all.
Speaker 1:We are. Yeah, it's again to me, you it's bringing people together me. It's again to me, you it's bringing people together, me it's bringing Moshiach energy.
Speaker 2:Whatever can create Bringing people together is bringing Moshiach energy.
Speaker 1:We have the same goal Absolutely, absolutely Okay, so this book is available everywhere.
Speaker 2:Everywhere, wherever you like to buy books. If you love Amazon, you can go there. If you love Barnes Noble, you can go there.
Speaker 1:And you had this book launch, which was adorable.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:We were at the book launch at Wolf and Lamb. Lamb and Wolf.
Speaker 2:Wolf and Lamb.
Speaker 1:Wolf and Lamb. The food was delicious.
Speaker 2:Fried pickles Did you have?
Speaker 1:the fried pickles. I had the fried pickles and we had the fried and the spicy tuna salad. I don't know what it was and it was such a nice event. And it was so it was your publisher through the event.
Speaker 2:no, no, I threw the event. You threw the event With all of my you know closest influencer friends and friends of friends.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So the whole goal was to bring out all of the Jewish influencers and to not just you know, it is a book event and it is exciting but also to say we're better together. Right, that's what I believe in my work, but I believe that professionally also. It's not just about couples we're better together, but even Jewish influencers, us helping each other to do better things in the world together. I think when we collaborate, we're better together. Right, you've got your audience, I got my audience. Good, let's share Whoever likes. Both go to both. Now you get more content. And I think it was a chance also for a lot of people that have only seen each other online to actually meet in person. People were so excited.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's really nice. I've been to a couple of events like that.
Speaker 1:It's a very strange situation when you have a relationship with somebody that's online and you see them in person.
Speaker 2:Mostly, they're really the same. Everybody that I met, I was like, oh, it's just you in the physical form, not you on my screen. It usually is Because they put out thousands of hours of content, like before I met you. It's like, yeah, of course I know him and you know everything about him. You've seen his face, you've memorized what it looks like, you know everything, you're not foreign, you feel very normal, very close. And then you meet them and you're like, oh, I actually never met you.
Speaker 1:I know, but we've had that with Kim Kushner, a lot of people. That's how I met through online and in person, and I think it's wonderful. It's like a surprise. It's very wonderful. I like it. It's a great way. The book, the book, yes, how long have you been going? I'm sorry, 28. 28. Oh, we have time. Anything, you? I felt like. I felt like we got so much done.
Speaker 3:We did it was so deep.
Speaker 1:It was so, so deep. Oh my god, what else are you doing in America?
Speaker 2:so I love doing events and programs. So I was just in Brooklyn and ran a singles event. We do like 25 to 45 orthodox singles. Everywhere I go I have like a different 45 Orthodox singles. Everywhere I go I have like a different Hevra. Okay, Tomorrow night I'm going to be at Stand Up, New York. No way and we're going to do like a singles improv night. So we're going to bring people on stage and torture them. No, we're going to bring people on stage and we're going to be at stand up, new york where's that.
Speaker 2:Uh, they're at bond 45 in like top square area like right in the heart of new york city, um, and, and it'll be this like, like I'm not, you're a comedian, right? So I'm not a comedian, but I like to play banter, have fun and I really love that. Singles like relax, take the edge off like we need comedy to connect you know we need to make a whole singles comedy, something I don't know.
Speaker 1:I've done so many singles events yeah, my earlier, like before, like theaters and all that. There's so many singles comedy events. It's the most genius thing because you have an hour and a half of them not having to talk to each other. But the and they laughed, and then they laughed, positive good endorphins, and then they can talk, and then you serve them alcohol.
Speaker 2:Right, and then you let them talk.
Speaker 1:Yes, so, but like it's not the, the initial person speaking is the comedian.
Speaker 2:That's great. Okay, so let's do an event.
Speaker 3:It's like the foreplay.
Speaker 2:I like how you just jumped in there. No, it's true. It's true, it's the warm-up and it gets everybody.
Speaker 3:We're doing all the hard work. In the beginning You're making everybody laugh. Two people are on a date. They don't have to show up as their best self, they just get to chill out while you do all the work. And then by the end they're drunk and ready to mingle.
Speaker 1:And schmooze it away.
Speaker 3:I was going to say hook up, but they're not allowed to touch, right. No, five days, it depends if we play by Aliza's rules, or just the world rules? Well, I told you last time I did not follow your rules, and it still worked for you. Well, define, work, yeah, rules, and it still works for you?
Speaker 1:well, define work. Yeah, I've been married for 14 years incredible 14 years yeah, wow, we're going on nine years together. It's 22 wow, wow. Can I know?
Speaker 2:yeah, my in-laws. So they're married 63 years and I was like new, are you still learning new things about each other? And they were like no, it's like is there anything that you don't you know, like you're not sure what they're going to say, and they're like no. And I was like like how do you keep it fresh and alive? Like whatever, we still like. There's kind of like they're like fresh and alive, what are you talking about? They're amazing. They're amazing they still travel. They how?
Speaker 1:old are they in their 80s, 80s, yeah?
Speaker 2:80s and they've traveled to Israel and come and seen us. They met me and have been to my shows and programs. They've come on stage with me.
Speaker 3:They're hysterical together. That's cute. That's a show. That's a good show. That's actually a great idea for a show to invite singles and have both of them on stage and you can ask them questions, and the people in, and you can ask them questions and the people in the audience can ask them questions too.
Speaker 2:So we did not exactly that, but a little bit of that at their synagogue in their hometown and we brought them and another couple on stage. So the other couple was like a 23 year married couple and we're like how did you meet? And how did you meet and what's your secret to success and what's yours?
Speaker 2:That's really fun did you meet and what's your secret to sex success and what's yours? That's really fun. It was actually hysterical and also the if you have a multi-gen audience yeah, 20s through, you know, 60s, 70s, 80s, better yeah, yeah, yeah, it's great, it's the best.
Speaker 3:I think that one thing, like one piece of advice or knowledge that I've learned from being in a relationship, is that you have to learn the other person's love language. Yeah, like, the way that somebody like shows appreciation is like very different from other people by learning it.
Speaker 2:it's either learning it meaning so that I can do it for you, or learning it so that, when you do it wrong, I can interpret it in my brain and like, rewire it and go like oh, gifts, is your love language right, and I like words of affirmation. So you give me a gift and I'm going thanks, but I'm going to just like be like, thank you.
Speaker 3:No, I don't want that garbage, but I'm saying there's a secret to the love languages.
Speaker 2:Okay, like step one is like oh, learn the love language and speak their language.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but not everybody does that. But you have to learn. That's the whole point.
Speaker 2:Okay, but I'm telling you what he doesn't teach you. What he doesn't teach you is learn their love language, and even when they don't speak your love language and they get it wrong. Hear it and they're speaking their love language. Hear it.
Speaker 1:What's the?
Speaker 2:intention behind it.
Speaker 2:And you're like thank you. I have a girlfriend. She loves to give gifts, like she is a gift human. I'm not a gift human, I'm happy, thank you. It's sweet, it's wonderful, it's kind. Yes, thank you. But it doesn't like light me on fire.
Speaker 2:Words of affirmation are my thing. So if you're like, hi, we love you, we love your show, and and they're like, does that bother you? We're talking to you, I'm like, no, that's my love language, right so. But she gives me a gift and I'm like this is her love languages. This is how she's saying to me I care for you so much.
Speaker 2:And she does words of affirmation, but I'm saying, when she gives it, like I hear it as if it's my language, because that's how she still needs to give, because that's her training, that's her release, and I know if I want to do something for her, I should do that. Right, like I don't expect other people to be mind readers, but I do try to teach people like a little bit of like the psychology behind it. Not that that's my field, but just you should understand if somebody can't speak your language. If you still understand each other Like I don't know, this is like random, but like nonverbal communication. I've now traveled all over the world. There are people that I meet and we cannot speak the same language, right, and I'm looking at them. No, no, no, we have that at the meet and greets.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Hi. And they're like hi, I I know speak English.
Speaker 1:You're like okay, you English, you're like okay, you're like, there's no need to, here's a hug and let's move on.
Speaker 2:Right, but to communicate and to understand, even if you don't speak the same language. What's the meaning behind it? Like, is it coming from a place of love where some people, right, you give me a gift, it's not my love language, right, and you know what my love language is, and you're still giving me a gift? And they go, don't you know me already? Like, by now you should know. It's not my thing, I don't need that. I don't need that tchotchke, right? Okay, but I'm saying receive the gift.
Speaker 1:As a word of affirmation.
Speaker 3:And receive it as yeah, I'm saying don't give me a tchotchke Right.
Speaker 2:I'm saying take it a level beyond that. No, there's ways to read people's there's ways to read people's uh, there's ways to read people.
Speaker 1:You know what really helps the relationship more when you understand them so much more. Like I, you know what helps in that astrology tell me. So you know, kind of like, if someone's a tourist, they like to be comfortable. So when you say to them, hey, let's go to this restaurant, that's when you say, you know, if we go to this restaurant the seats are much more comfortable and it's not as loud that's manipulation.
Speaker 2:How to get what you want. No, that's not manipulation. It's like, it's a way. It's a no, it's knowing how to speak to the people their language and it's not always, it's not always on, but it's um Pisces.
Speaker 1:What would you say to me it's, it's um it's uh, we'll have a great run through it, we'll go, we'll get it be exciting, it's an adventure, it's an adventure are you into?
Speaker 1:astrology, no, but like just just for the being able to communicate, kind of like, uh, like when someone's in aries, they'll do anything in the world for you, but they have to be thanked, so you, when they made this big seder and big party for you, you say to them at the end you go without you, this couldn't have happened. You're done, done, you're done.
Speaker 2:You made the night.
Speaker 1:You made the night.
Speaker 2:As long as you thank them, but he's telling you their love language through astrology.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:This is very basic white girl.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and it works and it works. It really really works Sometimes, sometimes it's really awesome, sometimes it's off, but it's it's, it's, it's off.
Speaker 2:Depends if your birthday's on the cusp, oh my.
Speaker 3:God. For me, I think what you said before. It's like I show my husband. These are the two choices, after I've already gone through all the seven other choices that I don't like.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:And these are the two that I actually like, and so it's like the illusion.
Speaker 1:Wouldn't he prefer to just say this is where we're going?
Speaker 3:No, I think he likes to think that he has an opinion An opinion gotcha. Not that he doesn't have an opinion. He has an opinion.
Speaker 1:Right but.
Speaker 3:I feel like I'm also doing him a little bit of a favor, because I'm cleaning out like all of the the garbage you could have gone to.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I think that that's also one of the secrets of couples is that you develop your own language right, like you could be across the room and you could be like that thing.
Speaker 3:Yeah, right, right like you know unless you're married to my husband because if you kick him under the table then he'll go. Why are you kicking me under the table?
Speaker 2:oh my husband would get along with you as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah yeah, leo gives me the kicks under the table too, and you, you probably are. I know what he wants, I just do it. I realized what he wants, I just do it. I even talk about it in my show. I wasn't adding to the conversation. He kicks me like hey, the cappuccino. I love cappuccino. Um, yeah, yeah, no, Sometimes you you're in a dinner and it's boring and you focus out and he's like focus back in.
Speaker 3:No, or guys telling a story that he has no business telling about, like some secret of, like a friend of a friend and I kick him under the table, oh gossip. Why are you kicking me under the table? He'll say to me.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God.
Speaker 2:It doesn't change. By the way, that doesn't ever go away. You will forever be married to a man who will never get it.
Speaker 1:Sorry, people do change. No, it's not true, people do change. I believe people change.
Speaker 3:I think that's true too. I believe that 14 years he changed. Yeah, he has, he has, but not with the kicks. Yeah, not with the kicks. Tens of thousands of dollars in therapy.
Speaker 1:Do you really spend money on therapy? No, you don't spend money on therapy.
Speaker 3:We've gone to therapy. Really, yes, it helped anything, oh my God, like life-changing? Really yes, and I would imagine that you are familiar, because it's a very specific method. I didn't know this at first the Gottman method.
Speaker 2:Love Gottman, that's who you go to.
Speaker 3:What's Gottman?
Speaker 2:John and Julie Gottman have a love lab. They talk all they have the studies for years and years and years. They have studies. They will tell you that 69% of all problems cannot be solved.
Speaker 1:Cannot be solved.
Speaker 2:Cannot 69, huh, I know, yeah, what a number. Okay, they could have rounded up, anyway only 31%, I can't say 70.
Speaker 1:They should have what else is?
Speaker 2:there Only 31% can be solved, which means you should focus on the 31% and everything else. You should just learn to manage because, you're never going to solve it.
Speaker 3:It's the only methodology that it's based in studies of like decades of studying couples.
Speaker 2:And research in years and years and years.
Speaker 3:They're pretty amazing.
Speaker 1:And you went to them or somebody.
Speaker 3:No, we went to somebody who studied very closely with them and is friends with them, and it was you picked the best of the best.
Speaker 2:I always do, you do.
Speaker 3:I always do Present company included. But yeah, it was incredible, and it really was. I think it changed our relationship for the better, for sure. I couldn't get much worse at that point. No, I'm just kidding, they're not poor guy, not poor guy. Not poor guy. Guy is very well taken care of.
Speaker 2:Couples have to do kind of this realignment and reattunement, and if it doesn't happen on a daily or a weekly basis, then you hit crisis. So one of the things that I try to help couples do is to say something they appreciate about each other once a week, once a day would be great Once a day. Yeah, once a day is not realistic.
Speaker 3:It's totally realistic. You guys do that now, yes, you do that, or he does that, or you both do that. I think we both do that. I think that also, after you do this for a while, like you start to realize that like even something like thank you for vacuuming. I mean, I never vacuum, so nobody ever says that to me.
Speaker 1:Leo does the laundry. I always thank him for doing the laundry. Leo does the laundry. I always thank him for doing the laundry. I know how he does it that's really nice. It's in the house, it's in the apartment, it keeps him a little busy he likes to heal.
Speaker 3:He needs to be doing something. Are we going to talk about this book or no? I feel like we have about what we were talking about before so here, give me the book, so give me the book you look beautiful on the cover, you look stunning.
Speaker 1:I mean your hair is amazing there, your teeth, wow Gorge.
Speaker 3:What did you say here? What?
Speaker 1:I'm going to show this to the camera. This is the book, and the reason why I'm holding it like this is because the publisher that you love, appreciate, adore and think that they create Moshiach energy, made a little bit of a glitch. Let's not even call it a mistake.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was just like you know you clean up. You know like before you go to print you like clean photos up and like make sure they look their best to print.
Speaker 1:And so they gave you a v-neck.
Speaker 2:Well, no. So you see that there's a v-neck of a shirt. It's a white shirt, so at the top of the neckline, like this, you see how I'm wearing a black collar here it covers. I have such a good tan line. My neck is tan, but my the rest of my body's not right, so there was a shirt there, like a neutral skin tone kind of color shirt right it almost looks like a v-neck, but the collar's missing. It got like airbrushed out.
Speaker 1:It got airbrushed.
Speaker 3:It got cleaned up in the final cleanup.
Speaker 2:Okay so they said, like it's not a big deal, it's okay, Like well, you know, like we'll redo it later. And I said no, no, like modesty is my brand, Like, yeah, like this is Hashem Moshiach energy. Like I dress modestly If I'm wearing a neutral color shirt, like you know, because you're going to see, even if it's neutral On the sleeves, yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm covering my elbows, I'm covering my collarbones, I'm covering my knees. I just I dress modestly. I've been doing it for the last 22 years, since I became observant. I grew up secular, I became more observant.
Speaker 1:It's technology that works for you.
Speaker 3:It's technology. Can I push back here a little bit?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:This is very modest. This is not no, it's a deep V. No, no, no.
Speaker 2:If I was wearing this?
Speaker 3:No, no, it's not, it's not a deep V.
Speaker 1:To you. This is not no, no, no.
Speaker 3:I'm actually taking myself out of this Like I'm being very objective here. I'm not going by Periel because by Periel standards I'm not using my standards. I'm saying that you it's a little bit of a V-neck. Your arms are covered down to almost your wrist.
Speaker 2:I literally my tan line stops here. I cover my collarbones all the time.
Speaker 3:Right, your collarbones are covered, though here your collarbone is covered.
Speaker 2:There was like, there is like a the neckline, the collar is lost. I'll show you If you look online. If you pull it up online go to Amazoncom, amazoncom and go look Matchmaker, matchmaker Elisa Ben Shalom, and you'll see there's a, if you zoom if you don't know you don't know and online everywhere when you look, you zoom in, you go like this and you're like oh yeah, there is a color there. Now you would assume that there's not. If you're secular cause, you wouldn't know the difference, right? You would only know if you know.
Speaker 1:Right, but actually let me show you where I see Moshiach energy here. Okay, at your event, at your lovely event at Lamb and Wolf Wolf and Lamb, wolf and Lamb. Wolf and Lamb. As soon as you went up to her, it's like what am I going to talk about? It's like hi, I love you, what's going on? Good to see you and she, right away goes. We're going to hold the book up, but this is the situation. She had a story to tell you about what happened with the publisher and the picture.
Speaker 2:And I told everybody to put your cameras down. There's a whole sea of influencers like this. It's the first time I ever felt like paparazzi. They're all standing there like this with the camera.
Speaker 1:With the camera right.
Speaker 2:And I was like everybody put it down. You don't record this because I have an excellent relationship with my publisher. I value them highly and it was just an error. It was like an error.
Speaker 3:But I think that if you didn't say anything, nobody would even notice that.
Speaker 2:Unless you're religious. So even wait a minute. I'm going to tell you.
Speaker 1:But even for her, it's for her, not for the people for her. That's not a look she does. The people for her that's not a look she does. I have a good girlfriend who's religious. That's not a look she does.
Speaker 3:Yes, fine, I understand that. But I have a good girlfriend who's religious. She wears what is it.
Speaker 2:A tichel A wig.
Speaker 1:A wig, a shade.
Speaker 3:It's not like a full wig, a fall. Okay, it's like a part like.
Speaker 2:It's like you put it in oh, like a clip-on, like a kippah fall. They call it a kippah fall Really.
Speaker 3:She's gorgeous.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 3:And she has four children and she became religious leader in life and she is the most stylish girl I know and everything is covered, but she wears quite form-fitting clothes. So, listen, I'm the last person to judge. But well, it depends for what. But I feel like, you know, if this is a little here as opposed to something's a little bit tight, aren't we like splitting hairs at that point?
Speaker 1:The choosing people, we're the choosing people, and she, she, it's not her look I know, but I'm trying to so I'll tell you what.
Speaker 2:I sent the book out with the proper cover, right, uh, electronically to some friends, some religious friends and some, a few people, not one, more than one sent back oh, I can't have this in my house, in my community, anything. I can't promote it because you're not dressed modestly. No, wow.
Speaker 2:So I said to them what are you talking about? My first answer was what are you talking about? Because I didn't know what they were talking about. This was the first time it came up. Okay, they said, well, you're a little bit exposed. I said, no, I'm wearing a shirt, it's a shell, it just is like.
Speaker 2:It's like a beige, it's like a skin tone, kind of a color they're like, and they went like this. They were like oh, because it's, you know, small on your phone. They go oh, I didn't know that. I said I don't have a problem that you didn't know that. But the problem that I have is you thought or assumed something about me which is so off brand for me, right, you actually don't even know me. You don't know me and my greatest, deepest pleasure in life is being understood. And I felt completely misunderstood. And now I'm going to be blacklisted in a community because you think something you didn't even look close enough to verify. They go oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize that. And then it's like oh well, why did you pick this instead of that? And I was like okay, I happened to have done a photo shoot. You know, a while ago I had a whole bunch of things. I'm changing outfits. I hate styling, okay.
Speaker 1:It's the hardest thing.
Speaker 2:I hate it. My girlfriend loves it. I like matching, I like matchy-matchy, right, why did I do matchy-matchy? Because I couldn't figure out what color to wear and I didn't know what it had to go with and what I was going to use it for. So I had a white shirt with like a neutral color top. Why? Because it matched, because it was blending, because it was easy, because I hate styling. That's why I had it. I wasn't trying to look a certain way or I would have told the publisher make it pink.
Speaker 1:Color my shirt Anything.
Speaker 2:Put some coloring in there, make it different, so it actually does stand out, put a turtleneck, like I'm a U-boat commander. Do anything. I didn't even think of it, I didn't even think of it.
Speaker 3:Well, you know what we can do. We can go into the bookstores and just tape like put like a sticker on top.
Speaker 1:I thought that the Netflix sticker was a sticker I was going to put on top of that Number one bestseller.
Speaker 2:Right over top. No, so online it's accurate and the date got pushed back. It went from December 3rd to January 21st. The book is going to be released.
Speaker 1:But it's a part of the story now. It's a part of the story.
Speaker 3:It's a great conversation and it's a conversation.
Speaker 1:And you know what it's like.
Speaker 2:You said it's part of the story and you know what it's like. You said it's just it's not a part of your brand and you have to know yourself 100%. So if somebody tried to change you and do something, that's exactly not who you are you don't fit. Same way with dating, Like if you have to really twist yourself in a pretzel to be somebody who you're not to be with somebody else, this is the wrong fit.
Speaker 1:That's how you take this story about the shirt, the whole thing. No, I completely. First of all, going on photo shoots is the most miserable experience in the world.
Speaker 2:You have to hire a stylist.
Speaker 1:I have Leo and the guy and the stylist and the makeup and he's done. Leo is amazing.
Speaker 2:But from then it's so much easier.
Speaker 1:Maybe I'm wrong.
Speaker 3:You just have to take Leo with you everywhere. That's the solution.
Speaker 1:That's the solution.
Speaker 2:No no, I do a one outfit. This is my show outfit. I love you in a cape Do you have that cape in multiple colors.
Speaker 3:No, you know what you should get it. I could see. This is my color, I know, I know, I know and I know the hot pink is your color and it's great. I'm just saying that that cape is, I can imagine even in like a black leather.
Speaker 2:I know, but so black on black doesn't pop the lady. So can I just tell you, yes, this is one of a kind.
Speaker 2:I was on a Pesach retreat in Greece. Oh, and I went into this store. You know, you go in the little shops and it's so cute, and this lady has this cape in black and in green and in blue and she's like, oh, I said this is lovely. I said this is lovely. I said I need it in pink. She goes no, no, you'll want it, you'll see black, it's lovely. I said I want it in pink. Matchmaker magenta. I named the color. I want it in matchmaker magenta. She says how long will you be here? I said eight days. It's Pesach. She said come back, I'll order it for you. She special ordered it from Italy and had it.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's great, and I got my cape, and it's so like I don't want it in any other color.
Speaker 1:Superhero, matchmaker, superhero. It's great, it's so great. Oh my God. Okay, I cannot thank you for coming back. I wish you nothing but amazing Hatzlacha Mashiach energy with this book. May it bring happiness to so many people. Again, it's on Amazoncom. In case you don't know where to find Amazon, it's called Matchmaker. Matchmaker, make Me, find Me a Love that Lasts. Find Me a Love that Lasts. That's so great. How does the song go Find Me?
Speaker 3:a.
Speaker 2:Catch Me a Catch, and I want to write the last line and find me a love that lasts and find me a love that lasts.
Speaker 1:Oh beautiful.
Speaker 3:You can find me on modilivecom and a big thank you to our sponsors big.
Speaker 1:Thank you to our sponsors. Yes, thank god, we have to have Moshiach Energy sponsors. We have Weitz in Luxembourg, the law firm that not only does Big. Thank you to our sponsors. Yes, thank God, we have to have Mashiach Energy sponsors. We have Weitz and Luxembourg, the law firm that not only does well, they do good.
Speaker 1:Super philanthropic Arthur, luxembourg friend of the podcast, randy. His wife listens to the podcast to tell him what we're talking about and A&H Provisions Glot Kosher Meats best hot dogs in the world. The website is kosherdogsnet kosherdogsnet and they are great and 30% off of your first order with promo code MOTI. And I'm going to be all over the world. We have motilivecom for all your tickets. We have shows in Austin, in Houston, in January 21st and 23rd, and then we added a show in Houston, so also the 22nd, and we're going to be in February. We're going to be in Phoenix and then the shows in the Parker Playhouse in Fort Lauderdale and then also a Tampa gig on the 13th. Everything's on morilivecom and there's also shows in March and just look online, morilivecom, get some tickets, be the friend that brings the friends to the comedy show and we'll see you all there. Thank you very much for listening.