Couples Therapy ft. Lily Eckstein

Episode 175: Modi and Leo are joined by psychotherapist Lily Eckstein (of Lexington Park Psychotherapy) to chat about couples therapy, communication, and the importance of reality television. 

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Transcript

Meet The Couples Therapist

SPEAKER_07 0:00

Hi, everybody, and welcome back to And here's Modi. We are in the studio with Leo Vega. Hello. My full-time husband and Carolyn Bissett from Love Story, JFK, and Caroline. You look like Carolyn Bissett.

SPEAKER_00 0:14

That is so nice.

SPEAKER_07 0:15

Isn't that a nice compliment to give somebody?

SPEAKER_00 0:17

Oh gosh, thank you.

SPEAKER_07 0:17

Isn't that a nice compliment? Yeah. And the whole city is giving Carolyn Bissett energy. Everybody's wearing the glasses she had. Everybody's doing the hair like she did. They're all doing that robe-ish jacket looking like you do. You're killing it. You're killing the Carolyn Bassett look. But your real name is Lily Eckstein. Not to be confused with Epstein. Let's not even go there. No need to go there. There's no need to go there.

SPEAKER_00 0:42

Completely different podcast.

SPEAKER_07 0:43

Well, it's a completely different podcast. And you are um a licensed psycho therapist.

SPEAKER_05 0:49

And you, we have never met. We just are meeting now for the first time, but you reached out to me after one of the more recent episodes where I joked, if there's any couples therapists who are listening, we'd love to have you on the show.

SPEAKER_04 1:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:01

And I got a bunch of responses. Um, so I reached out to you and I said, why don't we actually learn more about what that is, what you do, and then maybe we can play some back and forth with Modi and I. So what is a psychotherapist?

SPEAKER_00 1:18

So a therapist, I guess this is an easy way to explain it. A therapist is any type of therapy, physical therapy, any type of thing to really heal in some sort of way. Psychotherapy is therapy for the mind.

SPEAKER_03 1:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:29

So we're focusing on how to heal your mind.

SPEAKER_03 1:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:32

Um, there's a bunch of different types of psychotherapists that you could be. You could specialize in a bunch of different things, but my specialty is couples.

SPEAKER_05 1:39

Really?

SPEAKER_00 1:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:41

And why like all types of couples?

SPEAKER_00 1:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:46

Yeah. Are you d do you mainly have straight couples, gay couples?

SPEAKER_00 1:49

I mainly do have straight couples, but I've seen a lot. I've seen gay couples.

SPEAKER_07 1:55

I'm sorry. Is it hard the straight couples? They seem very difficult. They seem very difficult.

SPEAKER_00 1:58

You know what? In some ways they are harder than gay couples. Like there's actually poorer communication between straight couples than there that I've seen than there are between gay couples. That's actually gay couples often have an easier time with communication and alignment and conversation.

SPEAKER_05 2:16

Interesting. It's good. So um, what do you think is one of the things that triggers people? First of all, I'm curious, like the people who see you for the first time, do they usually tend to fall within a certain age range? Like, do people hit this phase of life where they're like, wait a minute, or do you see like newlyweds and people who've been married for forever?

What Psychotherapy Really Means

SPEAKER_00 2:34

I've seen a huge age range. Like, for instance, I had a couple, they weren't even married yet. They were actually about to have a baby together, total accident, and there was already infidelity involved in the relationship.

SPEAKER_01 2:46

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_00 2:47

These, you know, some of these couples are in their early 20s, straight out of college, don't know what to do, don't know, you know, how to get their bearings in life, and they need guidance. Um, but most of the couples I see are kind of hitting that point in their 50s. They don't have kids anymore. They're realizing that they've gotten stuck in their, you know, these maladaptive, dull, monotonous patterns where they're not communicating and they don't have the distraction of the kids to really let them, you know, notice. So they're kind of just sitting there at home, going to work, coming back, and sitting in silence with their partners.

SPEAKER_05 3:20

They have to stare at each other.

SPEAKER_00 3:21

Yeah. And they're like, Well, how did we get here?

SPEAKER_05 3:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:24

Well, it's like, well, this actually happened years ago, but you were just so focused on your your kids, your cat, your dog, I don't know. And now it's just you two.

SPEAKER_07 3:33

Wow. And I have to ask you, I mean, so when you guys, when you and your husband are at an event or or in a social situation, people say, So what do you do? What does your husband say he does?

SPEAKER_00 3:47

He's a lawyer.

SPEAKER_07 3:48

He's a lawyer.

SPEAKER_00 3:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 3:49

And then, which always just moves m moves you right to the next person. I'm a lawyer, and he goes, Great. And you? And they say, I'm a couples therapist. Oh, do they pin you? They just score.

SPEAKER_03 4:00

Oh, yeah. Oh my God.

SPEAKER_07 4:01

Oh my he doesn't listen, and she's a big bitch, and I thank God you're here. It's Beshared that you're here. They probably get right in your face. But what I most imagine is that they say to your husband, Wow, that must be hard. To be like the opposite is what I to be like with somebody who's uh they would probably think that you're analyzing every one of his moves, right? Do you know?

SPEAKER_00 4:27

The funny thing is I find that I actually lose more of the arguments than I win in my own relationship, which is just a funny side-by-side. Okay, you know, it's a funny paradox, but not even really lose. But um you can learn so much about something and be as much of an expert as you can be when it comes to other people and do all the research. But of course, when it comes to your own life, taking the advice that you give isn't always the easiest thing.

unknown 4:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:51

There's a lot of perspective that you really have to keep present in the moment. And if you're upset about something, it's hard to how did you get started doing this?

SPEAKER_05 5:00

Where did you go to school? Yeah. What's your back? Where did you grow up?

SPEAKER_00 5:03

I grew up in New York City. I actually went to Ramaz, I think you've heard of it.

SPEAKER_05 5:07

We went to Ramaz.

SPEAKER_07 5:08

So Ramaz should be sponsored cast, by the way. By the way, Ramaz. And the and the thing with Ramaz people, they are so obsessed with having had gone to Ramaz. I was recently at a Shabbat dinner and everybody there was a Ramaz except for like one of the guests. And they all were speaking to the guest as if they knew and the guest wasn't Jewish. It was speaking to her as if she knew everything about Ramaz. And and like they guy, stop. I said, leave her alone. No one knows about your school. Right. But okay, so we know that you're a Ramaz girl.

SPEAKER_00 5:39

So I'm a New York City person, lifer at Ramaz. The only reason I would say I'm obsessed with it is that's actually how I met my husband. Is you know, the actual old-fashioned way in sixth grade.

Gay Vs Straight Communication Patterns

SPEAKER_05 5:49

You know, you met in sixth grade. It's adorable.

SPEAKER_00 5:52

Oh, it's we didn't date until 2020, but I sometimes I like to let people just run with that.

SPEAKER_07 5:58

Well, we met on the sixth train. So right there, there's a connection right there. We're we're already see already we have so much in common.

SPEAKER_00 6:05

So you met in Ramaz and then And then I grew up, graduated, I went to Barnard and studied psychology.

SPEAKER_03 6:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 6:13

Um, and from there I just immersed myself in different clinical settings. I was doing mother-infant attachment work for two years in a lab, studying, you know, babies with their moms. We were doing microanalysis where you sort of film them, break down the images to see what was a predictor of secure or insecure attachment from the age of one month old. Um, and then following them through.

SPEAKER_07 6:36

So you could you could have gone right back to Rama's for your clinical work.

SPEAKER_00 6:41

I maybe I should have.

SPEAKER_07 6:43

So I that deserved a lot more than it got on this podcast.

SPEAKER_05 6:47

Sorry, but that was okay. Um, do you have anything to say? This is kind of a ta a sidebar, but do you have anything to say about these things that I've read that um they are encouraging young mothers to not get Botox when they have infants because the infants are not able to read the mother's facial expression?

SPEAKER_00 7:01

I actually have not heard anything about it. I thought you were gonna go somewhere else with that. I thought you were gonna talk about like pregnancy and breastfeeding or something.

SPEAKER_05 7:09

When did you you gotta stop reading everything on the internet? It was a real study. Oh my god. That like it was affecting the infant's development because they are all about your face because they don't speak, obviously, so they're reading your face, but then like these women have no motion in their face. Oh, anyway.

SPEAKER_00 7:26

I buy that. I mean, I think it can be confusing if you're just like all the time and your kids like doing different things, trying to gauge whether or not this is a good behavior, this is a bad behavior.

SPEAKER_05 7:36

Um micro, what do you call it? Microanalysis. Microanalysis.

SPEAKER_00 7:48

Does that predict in 15 years that this child's gonna grow up to be secure or insecurely attached?

SPEAKER_05 7:55

And what does that mean, insecure or securely attached?

SPEAKER_00 7:57

Secure attachment is basically we'll talk about it from the baby's perspective, is when your parent or your caregiver leaves you and comes back and is able to soothe you. So that's what a secure attachment is. The baby is upset when the parent or the caregiver leaves, but can be soothed when they come back. I mean, not that long. You don't want to leave your kid for like days on end and then show back up. But if there's been experiments called the strange situation, I don't know if you've heard of it.

SPEAKER_03 8:27

No, tell us.

SPEAKER_00 8:28

Um, where basically you have a playroom and you have a mom or dad, mainly a mom, with their infant in the room. The mom gets up and leaves. Then someone who's hired by the study comes back in and sits with the baby. You see what happens with the baby's reaction. Is the baby freaking out when the parent leaves? Is the baby stonefaced and has no reaction? Then you see how the baby reacts with the stranger. Stranger leaves, mom comes back in. You're looking to see if the baby has a negative reaction with the leaving of the parent and a positive, easily soothed reaction when the parent comes back. That kind of shows you that the kid trusts that their parent is going to come back and cares about them.

SPEAKER_05 9:11

Well, what age does that? We were talking about object permanence recently on that podcast. But what age does that are you able to catch that?

SPEAKER_00 9:17

I would say, and don't quote me on this because I I only did that for a few years, but I would say around three to six months is really what you're seeing.

SPEAKER_03 9:26

Wow. Wow.

Who Seeks Therapy And When

SPEAKER_00 9:27

Did I test it on my own baby? Like, of course, all the time. Like, what are you what are you doing? Um, but from there, I guess I then loved doing research, stayed in clinical settings at New York Presbyterian up at Columbia, worked there for about four years, doing clinical trials with pediatric cardiology.

SPEAKER_02 9:45

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 9:46

Um, had a lot of amazing experiences with families, couples that a lot of them, even though it's pediatric cardiology, it's adults with pulmonary hypertension, were mainly who we were seeing, and watching them and a spouse walk through the clinical trial and see how their relationship was faring as medical health was declining was like such a like a significant experience to me that I was like, okay, I need to work with families or couples. I need to see dynamics relationships and how they fare under negative situations, under pressure. Um, from there, I went back to school, got my master's at NYU, and then I got into private practice and specialized in couples therapy.

SPEAKER_07 10:28

Wow. Wow, okay. That's that's how you ended up took couples therapy, all of that.

SPEAKER_00 10:32

All of that.

SPEAKER_07 10:33

That was that way.

SPEAKER_05 10:34

Modi has famously said on an old podcast episode that he went to a therapist and the therapist said that he was fine and didn't need anything. Yes. So that's what we're that's our current stance on therapy as of the as of the recently on the podcast. So what are some things that you've gleaned? You said you listened to the podcast. No, she's listened.

SPEAKER_00 10:58

My first podcast to do.

SPEAKER_05 10:59

To do it as a guest.

SPEAKER_00 11:01

So could you imagine if I had ne like just showed up here? Right. Like that. Does that happen?

SPEAKER_07 11:06

Right. Well, I don't do. Do you want to keep your glasses there?

SPEAKER_00 11:09

I guess I don't know.

SPEAKER_07 11:11

You're so pretty, and there was standing on top of your head. So I was just looking at the picture.

SPEAKER_00 11:14

Listen, you're the this is your podcast. I'm just here as a guest.

SPEAKER_07 11:18

Yeah, but yeah, but it's yeah. Yeah. Um so yes, we we currently don't go to a therapist.

SPEAKER_05 11:29

Um, I was just curious, you said you listened to the podcast, like I was saying. So, like, what are some of the things that you've gleaned about us? Like when you're sitting there listening, are you like, oh, uh-huh. Uh-huh. Like anything come to mind? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:46

This is tough because I'm not your therapist, and so I don't want to therapise you, but I guess if you're asking me to give you some things I notice, well, I I certainly notice that there's a lot of love and respect between the two of you. I think that you both compliment each other body language-wise, but also verbally. You're always acknowledging like what the other person's filling in. And so that's a positive. It sounds like you don't take each other for granted in a lot of instances.

SPEAKER_03 12:15

Um, you don't want to say anything bad.

SPEAKER_00 12:19

Yeah. I mean, of course, it's hard to always keep that at the forefront of your mind. You're living your life, you're doing this, you're, you know, to always be like complimenting, but you seem to do it a lot. And it seems like you're always thinking about the other person and what they've, you know, provided you in your relationship and not that's yeah, but that's a part of your relationship.

Attachment, Babies, And Microanalysis

SPEAKER_07 12:39

But it's it's part of stuff I've learned. Uh it's in the Torah. Ramaz. Ramaz is in the Torah. It's uh your your you know, uh we had uh we we had a guest on the show, um Rabbi Manus Friedman, who's an amazing couple's advice person on top of a many other things. And he always said, you know, something I always learned, like you can't be it don't look to be in love with a person, be be also in love with marriage. You have to be in love with the what a marriage is. And so I always think of our marriage and then our you know, the person, but also the marriage itself, the soulmate relationship and soulmates is is souls that have reunited. That's in the Jewish teaching. It's souls that have reunited from other Gil Gulim and all of that, from other reincarnations. So and we d I definitely felt that when when I met him, like this was right, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:36

So well, I did want to ask you, I know you met on the subway.

SPEAKER_07 13:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:41

But and I know the details of it, but what was it? I mean, first of all, what made you look at each other and go, okay, I gotta get this person's phone number? I think Leo, you approached Modi.

SPEAKER_05 13:51

Yeah. Why I thought he was hot.

SPEAKER_00 13:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 13:55

It was pure physical attraction. I didn't know who he was. It was a hard cruise.

SPEAKER_07 14:00

It was a hard cruise. Yeah, yeah. Let's let's let's let's do a little clinical.

SPEAKER_04 14:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 14:04

So this is a gay cruise, okay? Keep in mind people are listening to this. I know, I know. Look look away and then look at me at on the count of three. You ready? Look away. One, two. You got it? Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 14:16

That's what happened.

SPEAKER_00 14:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 14:18

No, but you smiled at me. That face you made was not accurate. Yeah. No. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 14:23

It was like, it was like, hi. Like that. It was like a hello with your eyes. Hello with your eyes. Yeah, hello with your eyes. You lock eyes. It's a very good word. You lock eyes for a beat longer than with anybody else.

SPEAKER_03 14:36

Right.

SPEAKER_05 14:37

Yeah, it's uh that's a gig thing. Um like the gif the straits don't do that. No. But people always ask me, they're like, did you know who he was when you met him? And I the answer is no. And that's what?

SPEAKER_07 14:49

And I I always say he didn't know who I was because I wasn't who I was. He made me what he made me so that you'd listen to a podcast and hear me and go see me at Radio at Radio City Music Hall. Uh April 23rd and 30th. Moving on. Uh almost sold out, but just there are there are tickets available. But he built me and my career and made it our career. And so, but so he how would he have known me? Yeah, you know, so he Well, he still could have.

SPEAKER_00 15:22

Yes, people did know who you were.

SPEAKER_07 15:23

But he did yes, but he did not know me as a comedian, no. So Yeah. So that was so that was the part of that too.

SPEAKER_00 15:30

But um So he saw all the potential in you and helped you reach it.

SPEAKER_07 15:36

Yes. He sort of lit later on though, when we first began, we weren't you we we didn't work together. He was he went through like I did a lot of different jobs in New York.

SPEAKER_05 15:49

I was in my twenties. I did real estate, I had my real estate license. I worked my major is communications and journalism. I worked for a PR firm for a while. I ran my own business from 2017 to 2020.

SPEAKER_07 16:03

Every every stereotypical gay job that you could do. Stereotypical gay job makes me sound like I'm bartending in Hell's Kitchen. No, no, no, no, no, no. But like you you worked in PR, you worked in a in a studio, in a photo studio, you worked in uh real estate, you worked in a bunch of something else, and then you built your own studio and built your own business, and then you um It wasn't until we were together for a few years already and when we I started working together full-time with you. During COVID.

SPEAKER_05 16:31

Yeah. When we were completely unlocked together in the in the house. But that's one of the things that like, yeah, is not I think sometimes we have to like step back and look at together where we're like, oh, we just flew across the country, landed, did a show, spoke to a thousand people, you did a meet and greet. I'm like g getting logistics of like us to and fro, and then like we kind of land at the end of the day, and we have to like check in with each other a little bit because you're just like on autopilot and you're working. And so that's something I think that people are like intrigued about how that works because we're like attached at the hip. Like we're always together.

SPEAKER_00 17:13

I mean, I am curious about that. I think it's pretty rare for a couple to spend that much time together. What is that experience like?

SPEAKER_07 17:21

I I I say I'm I'm so happy and so thankful it is because then when you come home, when you imagine if you have to come home at the end of the day and like, how was your day? And now you gotta relive the whole day. You gotta relive it the I we I was with him the whole day, so I know how the day was. The worst case scenario, he went to the gym at one, I went at five. That was the furthest we could have because he had a dentist appointment or something. But otherwise we're together working and taking the calls from the agents and managers and all of that and working on different deals and you know, and so we're together. So there's no how is your day like, hey, what are we gonna watch? What are we gonna eat? We just continue our day. How is it how is it in in with like with your with your uh husband when you comes home at the end of the day, does he give you the full how is your day? The debrief, the debrief?

SPEAKER_00 18:13

He comes home pretty late. He's in corporate law, so there's a lot of times where he gets back by nine, and I our thing is I always wait to have dinner with him. That is our thing.

SPEAKER_03 18:24

Very nice.

SPEAKER_00 18:24

I don't care if it's 10 p.m. We'll watch our show and we'll eat our dinner. And that like even if we're not talking, we just like that's our thing. That's how we connect. So sometimes no, he doesn't ask me. I mean, he usually will ask throughout the day.

SPEAKER_07 18:38

Um you check some throughout the day.

SPEAKER_00 18:40

I am sometimes careful not to just because it's a stressful job he has, and I think you know, some I can gauge based on our little chats here and there throughout the day and our texts if if it's going well, if it's not going well.

SPEAKER_05 18:52

But you said you didn't date till 2020.

SPEAKER_00 18:55

Yes, we did not date till 2020. Wow.

SPEAKER_05 18:57

So you guys knew each other like your whole lives, basically.

SPEAKER_00 19:00

Knew each other for yeah.

SPEAKER_05 19:02

And how what was your meat? No, your meet.

SPEAKER_00 19:06

Saw them on hinge, and I was like, this is my shot.

SPEAKER_05 19:10

Is Hinge the one where the women have to reach out first?

SPEAKER_00 19:12

I think that's Bumble.

SPEAKER_05 19:13

Oh, yeah, I think you're right.

SPEAKER_00 19:15

Um I luckily had a very short stint with the apps. I kind of just like tried to make it all happen as COVID was easing up and then found my husband, and I was like, okay, I'm deleting them all, and that was kind of it.

SPEAKER_05 19:27

Same. Yeah. We went on like three dates and then I moved in.

SPEAKER_00 19:32

I did know that.

SPEAKER_07 19:33

I deleted any app I was on when we bought our house in Then I could I deleted I deleted Zillow. I still did Zillow. Did the dice home on Zillow?

SPEAKER_05 19:42

I'm like, I'm still having an affair on Zillow. You're still seeing homes. No, because of the problem. We land somewhere for show, and I always like to look at the houses because I was I also have this like weird syndrome where like any most places we are, I'm like, I could live here. This is nice. Like we were in Charlotte, North Carolina.

SPEAKER_07 20:01

I'm like, there's nice places everywhere. Everywhere, everywhere. We drive through a neighborhood, I'm like, this is a nice neighborhood. And then he's on Zillow and Modi for a fraction of our house. We could live in that seven-acre mansion over there. I'm like, okay, we're not doing that. Um okay. Off the bat, what is the biggest advice you can give people for couples? The email just therapy. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:29

I would say the biggest thing I would always urge people to do is communicate. And so I think it's constantly making sure that you've checked in at least once that week with your partner.

SPEAKER_05 20:40

Week.

SPEAKER_00 20:41

At least once a week.

SPEAKER_05 20:42

But you mean like a deep check-in?

SPEAKER_00 20:43

Like, hey, yeah, like how are things going? You know, common questions would be, you know, hey, what do you feel like is going well in your in at work, at in our relationship with the kids, you know, in the city that we live, and what do you feel like could be better? Like, let's talk about it. What's been going on in your head? Just deep doesn't have to be, you know, like a crying session with your partner, but I think at least once a week you really need to check in because communication is the biggest reason people come to couples therapy. You know, communication mishaps or losing it with your partner can lead to infidelity, it can lead to silence, it can lead to stopping to care about your relationship, it can lead to a whole bunch of more serious sounding problems. And it really just starts with the fact that you're not staying curious about what's going on with the person you chose to spend your life with.

SPEAKER_05 21:36

Yeah. One of the things you wrote was that some of the one of the misconceptions is therapy is something you do when you're at an all time low. Mm-hmm. So would you want to like expand on that? What there's not there's not rough bottom of your gosh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:53

I mean, don't wait till you feel like you're at this, you know, crossroads in your relationship and it's either like we fix this massive pile. Of problems or we have to end things because it could have been prevented years ago if you just started talking to each other or if you started voicing concerns or not avoiding challenging conversations.

SPEAKER_07 22:11

Is it ever too late? Like when you look at a couple and they talk to you and you just like it's too late. You guys need to start filing the paper.

SPEAKER_00 22:20

I don't think you actually I don't believe that. I think that for couples that are genuinely in love or have a love for each other and respect each other, I think it's never too late as long as both parties are willing to work. Well that but I do think some couples come to me and I'm like, do not you should have no business being in a relationship. This isn't gonna work. That's of course happened. Where I see people and I'm like, who's gonna be the one to tell them that this is not the right? You know?

SPEAKER_05 22:48

I was curious how do you handle like when it's very obvious that one party is like very into this idea of like going to therapy and fixing it, one party is just like not into it and not they're just there physically, but you can tell mentally they're like, this is dumb. I don't want to do this.

SPEAKER_00 23:03

That does happen a lot of the time. There's always one partner that's like, Yeah, we need to fix this problem, we need to fix it. I've been telling you to come to couples therapy for years and you just haven't made your way and like dragging their partner there. I like to validate both people in the in the couple, and I like to also make it very clear the couple is the client. I'm not on one person's side just because they wanted to come, or I think they're in the right in multiple arguments.

SPEAKER_04 23:32

Right.

SPEAKER_00 23:33

The two of them together are the client. It's the behaviors that each of them might do, the bad patterns that maybe one person fell into, where they've both fallen into together, that of working against the couple.

SPEAKER_03 23:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 23:46

So I like to make that clear because I don't want anyone to ever feel like I'm just gonna side with someone and they're just gonna sit through a torturous conversation for an hour every week where I tell them that they needed to do better. They didn't want to come for that. I like to get to know both members of the couple. I think, you know, asking why being in therapy is a challenge. What's what's hard? What's being, you know, why is the resistance there often appeals to people and then they can sort of feel more comfortable with me and become more open to the idea.

SPEAKER_07 24:17

Do you see them alone also? And then okay, that's what I'm yeah.

Checking In As A Practice

SPEAKER_00 24:20

It's pretty customary to see a couple maybe one or two times and then do a couple of individual sessions because you know, some people aren't comfortable just unloading it all in front of their partner. Right. It might secretly be like, actually, this whole other thing has been going on that she's not going to tell you about.

SPEAKER_05 24:35

Oh, wow. And this is why I'm really struggling and I don't know how to how to But then how do you bring that up in with them solo with the other person when you're alone with them?

SPEAKER_00 24:43

It's not my job to out somebody in any way, shape, or form because you're not meant to humiliate or embarrass or you know, screw someone in some way like that. It's the the job is to really help them get there subtly.

SPEAKER_03 24:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 24:59

And so sort of try to inch people there as you're talking to them together. Or if I do it individually, I can ask, well, what it what do you think about bringing this up to your partner? How do you anticipate they'll react? We can play it out, we can role-play it. Let's try and make you more comfortable doing this in front of your partner. I can be there for one of the sessions where we do this, we can plan to talk about this so you don't feel like it's just you versus her or him versus, you know. There's ways to really get there.

SPEAKER_07 25:29

And how how do you handle so you are exposed to all of this energy? It's insane energy that you're sitting across from. You're sitting from We're big and we very we very much are into that idea that that's a thing. It's that you're sitting there a lot of energy. I don't do you sage the office? Do you go to the mikveh? Do you what do you do to get the resentment for yourself? Yeah. What what do you yeah, yeah. How do you leave that there? It's hard to leave that there.

SPEAKER_00 25:59

It is hard. There are some days when I definitely come home and I'm just in a bad mood and because of the sessions, you can't because of the session, and I just like stories stick with you. Sometimes they're really unfortunate. Some people have lost, you know, their spouse at a young age and then got remarried and have all these like trauma issues that are coming into their current relationship, and that's terrible. It's nobody's fault. They have these issues, and it's it's sad, and it's really hard to listen to it sometimes, and because you do feel bad for people. You mean you care about, I would like to think therapists care about people because that's why we're here. I do a lot of brain massaging with reality television when I get home and night.

SPEAKER_05 26:37

What do you like? What do you think? Name it.

SPEAKER_00 26:38

I've watched it.

SPEAKER_05 26:39

Oh no.

SPEAKER_00 26:40

Truly.

SPEAKER_05 26:40

It's are you a broad house-wise person? No. Oh, she's a bravo. You're a bravo grow.

SPEAKER_00 26:46

Bravo. Anything really on peacock.

SPEAKER_05 26:48

I mean, it's we love for us. We watch all sorts of things with our things. We haven't watched no yet. I know we need to start it. We just need to start it. Yeah. So you so you so you brain massage, that's funny. I like that with reality TV. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:02

Because you don't have to focus in on every single part. You can really just numb.

SPEAKER_07 27:06

But there's no meditation you do to get all of that out of you before you go see your own spouse.

SPEAKER_00 27:11

I mean, I listen to podcasts on the way home. I listen to your podcast. I listen to The Toast, one of my personal favorites. Um, and that really just kind of like helps me to zone out for a little bit. Sometimes I will, you know, call one of my parents and say, like, I just have like a really, really bad session. I like don't I just talking about it to someone, I'll talk call my husband, um, maybe a friend, but most often I'm really just listening to something else, listening to music.

SPEAKER_02 27:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 27:43

Yeah. So when you say don't wait until things if someone's listening to this and they're in a relationship and they're actually in a good place, and they how how would you suggest if but they want to go to a therapist as like a checkup, as like a tune-up, not because something is bad. I feel like that's daunting to bring up as a partner because it's gonna trigger your other partner to thinking that you something is wrong. So, how would you what like what are some talking points for someone who's listening to this who's like, maybe I want to go with my husband? Not that there's anything wrong with right now, but like I would like to talk with someone. I think it would be helpful.

When One Partner Resists Therapy

SPEAKER_00 28:19

I definitely think the experience of going will show people who are resistant or hesitant to do it that it's really not that big of a deal. It's not, you know, admitting you have all these issues. I think the way you can broach it with your partner is saying, like, hey, I think things are going really well. Um, I really just would love to have a session where we could just for an hour, 45 minutes, just talk about ourselves with someone and like see how we can keep it going so well. I mean, saying that it's going well kind of tells your partner nothing's nothing major is wrong. Um, but also if there is a recurring argument, that doesn't mean anything is wrong. It just means that you're comfortable voicing your opinions and your preferences to the person you're with. I think if you never had one, that would be weird.

SPEAKER_07 29:08

So let me tell you a lesson I once learned that stuck with me so hard. Um I learned this at the Kabbalah Center. They had a couples class or something. I forgot the name of the class. But the teacher, Michael Moskowitz, um brought up this point that he says either in Kabbalah or wherever in the Zohar, the Holy Zohar, um, it says, when whenever your wife says anything to you, you know, it talked about m female energy, male energy, and all that, but but it says whenever your wife says anything to you, asks you anything, or uh has any type of communication with you, all you should hear is, Do you love me? If so whatever she said, take take take the garbage out. So you have to in your mindset say she's not saying take the garbage out, she's saying, Do you love me? And answer it that way. I will. Let me do that first, and then I'll do that. I'll do that afterwards, okay, sweetheart? Like, so don't say I'm not doing that now. Because she asked you, do you love me? And you're saying, no, not now. Your first time, no. So uh what do you think of that? I think that's a little robotic. Um it's kind of work with us. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 30:26

I mean, you definitely think there's a little bit of truth to that. You're asking someone to help you out around the house, them not doing it or neglecting to do it shows, hey, like I'm not listening to you. That's hurtful. Okay, if he's not listening to me, what does that mean? He doesn't care about me, doesn't care about my feelings. Okay, does he not like me? Does he not love me?

SPEAKER_04 30:45

Right.

SPEAKER_00 30:45

So you can get there for sure. Um I don't know if Yeah. I don't know if I would say it always means do you love me? But I definitely think making someone feel heard can extend to all those bigger things.

SPEAKER_07 31:00

What does that mean to extend?

SPEAKER_00 31:02

Making someone feel heard means that they feel safe with you. Which extends to do you do they love you or care about you? I think.

SPEAKER_07 31:10

Oh, yeah, but it's just it's a little it's a it's a quick thing to just like whatever she do you love me. So whatever she is saying to you, do you love all you're hearing is do you love me? So you right away answer yes, never no. And then you when you think about that, I mean it's a lot to think about right now, but think about that throughout your your day and think about when people ask you thank you things, especially a spouse, and it could be your husband asking you too. You can say, you know, do you make dinner? Do you love me? I didn't, but I'm gonna order something on DoorDash. What what is it you'd like?

SPEAKER_00 31:43

More romantic.

SPEAKER_07 31:44

Isn't it more romantic?

SPEAKER_00 31:45

Yeah, you could tell you.

SPEAKER_07 31:46

Then we have to see you schlep in there and cook and clean. We just what's your go-to DoorDash? What do you like to order up there?

SPEAKER_00 31:52

Sushi.

SPEAKER_07 31:52

Oh, we love a sushi night. We love a sushi night.

SPEAKER_00 31:56

Yeah. I could have it five nights out of the week.

SPEAKER_07 31:58

Same. You gotta be careful. Sometimes you overdose and then you And then you're so and then you're drink you're eating a lot of soy sauce all of a sudden. And then you st and then you you got you have to stop for a few months. Yeah. Yeah. We overdid it once.

SPEAKER_00 32:10

It's a what was the overdose like? You just feel terrible for it?

SPEAKER_07 32:14

So much, you know, a little bloaty token. Oh, yeah. This is my sauce.

SPEAKER_00 32:17

Like, why are my jeans tight every time I have sushi?

SPEAKER_07 32:20

Why does this ring not come off? Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 32:22

Um okay. So that's do you ever deal with issues about like would I would you say a certain percentage of your client base is like Jewish?

SPEAKER_00 32:31

Is No, mostly not.

SPEAKER_05 32:33

Mostly not Jewish. Really? So do you have any issues? Do you encounter uh like issues relating to interfaith couples frequently or not so much on the upper side?

SPEAKER_00 32:47

I mean, I've seen couples that have belonged to different faiths, but I think from what I the couples I've worked with that are of different faiths, they don't really prioritize religion so much. And so religion wasn't a major factor in their relationship.

SPEAKER_07 33:02

Okay.

Managing Energy And Therapist Self-Care

SPEAKER_00 33:03

But I do find that I mean this is a personal opinion. I do find that so many religions are really similar organization-wise, maybe spirituality-wise at times. And so I think sometimes it doesn't pa like cause so much of a problem unless it's incredibly important to the two people in the relationship what their religion is and not the other person.

SPEAKER_07 33:26

I find a lot now, because I talk about it in my show, people are coming to me and they tell me, you know, whereas it wasn't so important to them religion, but now they're dating somebody who's not Jewish, all of a sudden their religion became important to them. And they're trying to see, and it's a real there's a mashiach energy in the fact that they've becoming more observant and connecting to God more through through the through religious activities, like making Shabbat and doing that, because somebody not Jewish entered their life. It's it's a it's an inside.

SPEAKER_00 33:56

Do you feel that happened to you?

SPEAKER_07 33:58

I was I was already fully in it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 34:02

Uh fully yeah. But I don't know, it's something I struggle with. I grew up in a very Catholic home and I feel like I was always running away from religion. And I don't think if you were to have to have asked me how much religion would play a role in my adult life, I would have been like zero. But this week I'm sitting in a pew at your synagogue for Purim, and like, you know, we do Passover and Seder, and it's nice, and I can recognize like the um inherent value and like connection and like pausing for Shabbat, and like those are all universal things. It's not specific to religion, but I didn't I didn't think I didn't know if I was gonna be able to sign up for like a whole organized religion.

SPEAKER_07 34:44

No, but you you gotta know the the the limitations of the person you're with. So when we met, he knew Friday nights I go to synagogue. I'll be back by by seven or nine. And then um, and then I he knows Saturday morning from nine to twelve, I'm gonna be in synagogue. I'll I'll meet you afterwards and we'll do what we do. And um, and that's just it's fine. He used to come to a few different we've figured what Leo likes to do or not, like and and what's easy for him. Like he never needs to go to a briss. Oh no, I don't know. There's just no need for him. He doesn't need to go for uh, you know, he there's the um sorry.

SPEAKER_03 35:20

There I've definitely got it.

SPEAKER_07 35:23

We have different but look, but when he comes into the synagogue, first of all, we're all we're very good friends with with the rabbi. That's a big, big and our synagogue is very accepting. Six street synagogue. It's just an amazing place.

SPEAKER_00 35:33

I've been there for a param.

SPEAKER_07 35:34

Yeah, it's an orthodox service. It's a lot of fun. And it's a lot of fun also during Shabbatan. It's a very easy orthodox service, but you can be you. Do whatever your thing is. The service is orthodox. Um and um so he's come to hear me do Kul Nidre to sing the uh Yu Yum Kippur services, but other things he doesn't he does not need to sit there entire uh uh Rosh Hashanah services. The New Year's he doesn't. I I'm there next to my father. He doesn't need to be there. It's not his, you know, connecting to it.

SPEAKER_05 36:04

Um do you do a lot of like premarital counseling, big people before they get right before they get married?

SPEAKER_00 36:11

Or do you I have seen couples right before they've gotten married. I think a lot of it's been stressful leading up to a wedding when you have two families that have incredibly strong opinions about how an event needs to go. Oh my gosh. Um and it sometimes it does tear couples apart because they if their families just can't get on the same page and one person feels that it's it's critical that your parent likes me or else this isn't gonna work and can't get there, then unfortunately that does happen. But I think pressure cooker situations are what lead to people coming.

SPEAKER_07 36:45

Those weddings are so insanely unwell.

SPEAKER_00 36:49

Even like couple like people who are aligned family-wise on almost everything. It's just like, well, you didn't you didn't do the dessert I wanted. I wanted a dairy dessert.

SPEAKER_07 36:57

Why did you imagine that's a thing?

Religion, Interfaith, And Boundaries

SPEAKER_05 37:00

We I think one of the most special things. I mean, there's a lot of special things about our relationship, but I one of the things that I think is very special to me and Val and just I think about it a lot, is that we didn't have a traditional wedding. We had a basically a paperwork wedding during COVID, and it was just for us, and we told everyone after the fact, besides like our two friends who like signed as witnesses or whatever. And you know, we joked that we would do a party or whatever after the pandemic ended, and then once we the pandemic ended, we were like, that's actually not important to us. Like, I actually obviously I love our friends and family, but like I didn't need any of that for it to feel like seal the deal or feel real or anything like that.

SPEAKER_07 37:45

Right. I later on also realized that we didn't need that because of a few things. For many women or men, uh gay or straight, it that day is their day. That is their day. She is the bride, she's in this dress, it's all about her, her name's on invitations, and everything's happening. There's a photographer there for her. There's a this for him, and it's their day. We have that almost twice or three times a month. What do you say we? We we have that. Leo and I Leo and I hosted uh a Shabbat, a Shabbat event for the fashion community. We with both of our names on there, both of cameras, uh interviewing us. Uh the Todd Snyder dressed us. It was like we have so many of those events. For me, especially, and and and he's the producer of all those shows. There's 6,000 people sitting in Radio City Music Hall April 23rd and 30th. Um people he's put there, he's a part of it. We have all these events, and he's gonna introduce the show, thank them all, come out as a producer and thank them all. And we have all of these.

SPEAKER_05 38:53

You're saying that that energy exchange of you being a live performer makes up for the fact that we didn't seek that out.

SPEAKER_07 39:00

Of us being of us being Andre Bedichev, uh, us being we have that, we have all those events that we do together. You you produce them, I perform at them, and we reap the benefits of them. We have so many of those. We don't need to have one wedding day.

SPEAKER_05 39:16

One it is crazy so much pressure people put on one day of their lives. And money-wise, and just emotionally, I can't so much money.

SPEAKER_00 39:26

I can't burning it just like put down like money for a mortgage, like you tuition for future kids. It's all it's so crazy.

SPEAKER_07 39:35

Did you have a crazy big wedding?

SPEAKER_00 39:36

No, honestly. I feel like for a Jewish wedding, we have like 250 people.

SPEAKER_05 39:41

Where'd you do it?

SPEAKER_00 39:42

Long Island.

SPEAKER_05 39:43

Where?

SPEAKER_00 39:44

No Hempstead House, it's on Sands Point, like on the water.

SPEAKER_05 39:48

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I yeah. What time of year? What was that?

SPEAKER_00 39:51

June 11th, 2023.

SPEAKER_07 39:53

Beautiful. Wow. Yeah. Nice.

SPEAKER_00 39:56

It was a great day.

SPEAKER_07 39:57

I think I I I performed I I I was the I I was the Masala Kadushin. I was the what do you call it? The officiant of a wedding at that place. Oh, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:09

Yeah, it's a beautiful place.

SPEAKER_07 40:10

Yeah, it's a beautiful place, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:11

I loved it. Certainly these but it wasn't over the top.

SPEAKER_07 40:14

It wasn't like a a 12 p 12.

SPEAKER_00 40:17

Also, that venue, I think, doesn't fit like the normal size, you know, for these weddings. And so we had to unfortunately, fortunately, cut people from and make it smaller and more chill.

SPEAKER_07 40:29

Good. Good. Um children in the couple's relationships. Where does that what what is that what the main thing has to be after you have a child? That that is the main that is what this couple's about.

SPEAKER_00 40:46

This child that everything revolves around the child, like all stress, all conversation, all concern.

SPEAKER_05 40:52

Yeah. There's no you two without the child, or or you like you lose your identity as a single person and you become like a mother or a father or just whatever.

SPEAKER_00 41:03

No, it doesn't have to be. I mean, a lot of these things move through from pre-kids to kids, and so a lot of the topics existed before you had a kid. Kids can really amplify stress, they make you exhausted, they you know, they take away your sleep and your ability for autonomy in a lot of moments and to be spontaneous, but it doesn't, you know, it doesn't mean that a couple's only thing is the kid. There's also as a result of a kid, and I can, you know, shout out to my husband. Speaking from personal experience, there's this deeper sense of appreciation and love that you have for this person who supported you through like a chaotic time. And a a kid or maybe a lot of other crazy chaotic events could have shown that to you about your partner. But I wouldn't say when you have a a baby or multiple kids that everything is about them, you can still have your couple identity. And I think it's always important to dip into that after kids because sometimes it's important to remember that there was a time when it was just the two of you and that there's still this romance and you know, intimacy and love that predates the kids.

SPEAKER_07 42:17

Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 42:18

Are you too afraid of that?

SPEAKER_07 42:20

No, no, we're not afraid of anything. We we know we don't we don't we we we we we we can't have children.

SPEAKER_05 42:26

No, we just don't want kids. Yeah, we just so I'm the second oldest.

SPEAKER_07 42:33

I'm one of I'm one of I don't want children. So it's good. But it's a good thing I know that. It's a very good thing I know that.

SPEAKER_00 42:40

Do you have any pets?

SPEAKER_07 42:41

No. We travel a lot, you know.

SPEAKER_00 42:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 42:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:45

Look, it's hard securing a cat sitter at the last minute when you want to, you know, it's not it's no joke.

SPEAKER_05 42:51

And that's the name of this episode. Securing a cat sitter. I don't know if the mic's caught earlier when we said that you had a cat, but yeah. I have a cat. Yeah. You have a cat. I would say one of the things that's been hard for me to like bite my tongue a little bit sometimes is like, for example, recently, a few weeks ago, um when the some article came out about you, and it was someone posted it on Reddit. Oh. On the Judaism Reddit.

SPEAKER_07 43:20

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_05 43:20

Which has like, I don't know, are you familiar with Reddit?

SPEAKER_07 43:22

Are you on the internet? Yeah. Okay. Is that what is that's not someplace you go to brain massage? Is that a brain massage?

SPEAKER_00 43:29

No, thankfully not Reddit, but yeah.

Weddings, Pressure, And Choosing Small

SPEAKER_05 43:31

So they posted it was a I think it was the New York Times article, so maybe it was, but then they posted it later anyway. And I'm reading the comments, which there was like 75 comments under there, people talking about it, which that alone is like a bizarre thing for me to have to process as like your partner, uh like that people are talking about you because I get really defensive sometimes. Um, but it was really hurtful because it was on this Judaism subject. Read it and like a lot of the people weren't offended or upset with the fact that he was gay, they were a fact that they were like more had an issue with that I wasn't Jewish. And I just felt like not that I really care, but like I've done so like I'm very involved in the Jewish community, and like I feel like I've been such a good ally, especially in the last few years that have been like so intense. And I get I was just getting like no credit on this comment thread for it. And I feel like people harbor that like a little bit when they interact with us, they're like, oh, and plus Leo's here, but like I don't they like, don't know how to digest it.

SPEAKER_07 44:40

It's very it's very hard that you don't get the the the appreciation and attention that you deserve. They don't they don't understand that I'm their own their own they are only seeing my show because of you. There's no way they would be seeing me if you were not involved. And so they they don't get that, but that's something you just need to know that you're gonna get the blessings of but I want to go, or whenever someone writes something nasty on you.

SPEAKER_05 45:01

This is a fun game I have to another fun game I have to play. I'm I I I manage the YouTube channel, right? So there's a setting on there that automatically filters com I have to approve most of the comments before they get hard posted. So I have to play a game with myself, like, do we want to look at the YouTube comments today? So I'll go in and I'll see the ones who that haven't been approved yet. And like most of them are fine. And I click approve, approve, approve. And at the very, very bottom, there's a big button that says, Some messages with keywords have been filtered. Would you like to see them? And it's all of just like the most anti-Semitic, homophobic, vitriol, and that I have to like visually process and internalize. Not internalize, but like I have to absorb it and like read it and delete all of them. And you know, part of me wants to like get in there with some people, like I want to fight with people, and I have to like control that a little bit.

SPEAKER_07 45:56

Oh no, there's the this I saw on um Instagram there's this thing where you can do delete and it goes away. The whole comic just goes away, and you can even delete the person too, and that's that that's the button I like. But he gets deep in there.

SPEAKER_00 46:10

Have you ever interacted with someone that that said something you didn't like?

SPEAKER_05 46:15

Yeah, recently someone sent a really, really just horrendous like I have a pretty thick skin, but recently someone sent something pretty disgusting to Modi's Instagram account as a voice message. So I got like it was even more personal because I was like listening to this person's voice like say all these things. And it almost was like so unhinged that I maybe thought this person was like maybe mentally uns like maybe like going through something, like maybe and so I actually found his brother on Instagram and I screenshotted this transcript of what this person was saying. I was like, Are you related to this person? Like, because if so, you should know that he's like sending this to people, and then the brother turned around and was like, Well, actually, I agree with everything he's saying. So I was like, Okay, that's just that's so like, but then I also feel like I, you know, with certain things, social political issues that I have to muzzle myself a little bit because I don't want to put you in a different position, or like I don't know, that's been hard for me to to navigate as well, like on my own social media or like in my own circles. Um, because I feel like a lot of values have been like assigned to me as part of like working in this very Jewish world. Yeah. Yeah. Any advice?

SPEAKER_00 47:44

Well, I mean that's hard. If you someone's attacking you for your identity or for the person that you love, I would imagine anyone would feel the need to defend or protect the person you love, the company you've built, all the work that you do. Advice for that.

SPEAKER_07 48:01

I mean the first advice is when you're saying someone has attacked. It's a no one. That's a nobody.

SPEAKER_00 48:07

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_07 48:07

That's the first thing you're doing. But it first you have to incentive. It sounds like you at your kind of just like move. But someone to me is the someone that writes, We haven't laughed in six years. We saw your show, we laughed. That was that that's that's the only thing that accounts to me. The one that well, how could you not be married to somebody Jewish? They don't that is a no-one to me.

Weekly Check-Ins And “Do You Love Me”

SPEAKER_00 48:27

I'm curious though, why, Leo, you feel more affected by it than Modi.

SPEAKER_05 48:33

What do you think it is about the comment that gets to you, even though if he'll tell you, you know, I just because it's um it's difficult being perceived by the public, by people who I don't know. There are people who I don't know who know me now, and it's a relatively new thing. Like, even just at the DC show walking through the lobby, I got like grabbed and pulled. And everyone's very nice and sweet, but like I forget sometimes that, and because people watch this podcast or they know Modi, that they know who I am and they know me. Um, but I don't know them. So I I struggle with all these people who I don't know, who don't who think they know me and they have this like formed opinion of me. And that's one thing. And then when that opinion is negative, I feel the need to be like, you're so wrong, because you have net it's one thing if someone's like, you know what, I hung out with Leo a few times at a party and he's an asshole. I'm like, well, okay, maybe I didn't do my best work at the party. But like when someone who literally lives, you know, in a different city I've never met, but they've like only seen me on the internet or something, and then they feel the need to like have this fully formed opinion about me, I get I don't, it's hard for me to just like file that away and ignore it.

SPEAKER_00 49:52

So someone who thinks negatively about you and doesn't really know you or the real you at all, that is really troubling.

SPEAKER_05 50:00

Yeah. And I also struggle with the fact that like the internet there's no like consequences on the internet now. Like if I could have found that guy's em place of employment, which full disclosure, I don't think he has one because he's that much of a loser, I would have sent it to his employer because like I get mad that people feel entitled to just say whatever they want on the internet now.

SPEAKER_00 50:20

Do you think you would feel better if you responded? If he responded, if you responded to every person that says something that pisses you off in the moment, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 50:29

But then I've gotten better at just like blocking and deleting, but it's still every once in a while, like I said, that it's it's one thing when it's typed out, it's another thing when it's like a voice note.

SPEAKER_00 50:38

Yeah, that's very personal. You can hear the tone of someone's voice.

SPEAKER_07 50:42

Yeah, but the other voice notes are so sweet. The other ones are so. But Modi, you you only focus on the positive, which is a good thing. But like some woman in Florida who's I've never bought a ticket to a show and I'm gonna be flying in for the show. I I'm so excited. I I that makes it all worth it. It makes it to me, it makes it all worth it. Yeah. Yeah. I know it's hard for you.

SPEAKER_00 51:09

But that's that's I mean, again, not your therapist, but I are you are you're a podcast.

SPEAKER_05 51:15

Right now, you are.

SPEAKER_00 51:16

I would yes.

SPEAKER_05 51:17

It's just gonna send us an invoice after the podcast.

SPEAKER_00 51:21

Well, of course, there's always things you can do. Like kind of what I do is sort of like take some space to brain massage yourself and like do something that kind of takes you out of that intensity and sort of neutralizes the emotion, whether that's a meditation for five seconds, whether it's looking at a picture on your phone of someone you love, like whether it's writing down a list of things you're grateful for, there's different things you can do to really recenter yourself and sort of get that anger and fire to kind of dim a little bit. But I would suggest also just kind of thinking deeply about okay, why is it so important to me that someone's judging me and saying really horrible things about me and my husband and I don't know them? Like, think about it. Because I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 52:08

I don't know them and that I don't have the chance to like respond. You know? Because if you came up to me in person, you said that, oh, I would have something to say and you would get it right back. But like you just get to have this easy out where you're like done, sent, and then you go about your day. You know what I mean?

Kids, Identity, And Staying A Couple

SPEAKER_00 52:24

It's I do wonder though, those types of people, I mean, typically they're not all that happy. So I'm curious. I know. So to you, you're seeing they just kind of like drop the mic and leave after, you know, insulting you, but they then go back to their upsetting, disappointing life. And so maybe even thinking about that can be helpful because truly hurt people, hurt people.

SPEAKER_07 52:46

Yeah. That I know. He read he read that message to me, and I I remember the first thought I had was never with that poor person with their with their that they're in that situation in their life, that they're s sending such a uh a message out there. They're st they're a mess. They're a hot mess.

SPEAKER_00 53:05

How long have you been able to sort of per put that into perspective so quickly when something like that happens?

SPEAKER_07 53:12

You can just tell they're a mess. You can tell they're uh in pain, somebody that's sending a message like that.

SPEAKER_00 53:17

But you never got upset when someone insulted you?

unknown 53:20

Nah.

SPEAKER_00 53:20

In that way.

SPEAKER_07 53:21

I got I got I got upset twice. One time somebody in this guy has uh a podcast about Aveira's, about about um about bad uh sins. Sins, about sins, thank you. Yeah, sins, and he mentioned us. So I mentioned him in the same way. I didn't mention his name, he he didn't mention my name, but he It was very obvious. It was very obvious, but it was but it was fine. But I I got that out and um and then some one guy f physically got into our face and we mentioned it and posted his we and we posted his face everywhere so people knew, and people knew who he was right away they contacted me. But you know, never for him, you know, none of his kids called and said, Hey, what happened with my father? Hey, what the he had maybe a wife or an ex-wife. What happened in that situation that you are posting that? I do think a lot of it is jealousy. And and and and I realized that. So so I mean, if someone posted a picture of my father saying that he attacked them, I'd be like, what happened? Can I help? What did what dad my dad, what happened? No one, no one from the family. So imagine what kind of a horrible place that person's in. So Nebuchadnezzar, just leave it leave it alone. Let it go. Yeah, it's yeah. Why? Why would you give that any energy? Oh my god, why?

SPEAKER_05 54:43

Yeah, I think that's like the biggest challenge in our relationship is as things progress with Modi's career, I have to like get a thicker and thicker skin because he's has the skill of just like being able to file it away and I absorb a lot of things. So that's it.

SPEAKER_07 55:03

That's that that's our couples' therapy problem.

SPEAKER_00 55:06

I mean, it sounds like it's she gave us a mmm.

SPEAKER_07 55:08

She gave us an official mmm. That is that is your sign that you weren't mmm. I mean, it comes from every comedian, every comedian has uh the joke that goes, Oh great, so now I'm seeing uh a therapist, my wife. Wow, now I have two women calling me an asshole. It's like what were you saying?

SPEAKER_00 55:31

Um well it sounds like it comes from a place of love, which is actually a really big positive in your relationship. If you didn't love him so much, then I don't think you'd get so protective.

SPEAKER_05 55:41

Yeah. I have a temper. It's I I I think that's also what it is. Like a little bit of a temper.

SPEAKER_07 55:48

Yeah. I think a big skill couples should um uh uh have is also that you know, w when you're amongst friends, it's very important to not make fun of your spouse.

SPEAKER_05 56:03

That's a big thing you taught me that I fully subscribe to now. Not that I ever really did it. I think maybe I did it like once or twice, like with very small light things. Like not this example, but like, oh yeah, because it's not true, you don't snore, but like, oh yeah, well, Modi snores.

Public Scrutiny, Comments, And Coping

SPEAKER_07 56:19

Like little jabs like that, even if you don't come from a negative place, I nah, I don't think people sit there at a dinner party with their spouse and they're just like taking shots. I'm like, wow, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_05 56:34

Even though even though it's like playful sometimes, yeah, it's like playful shots. We don't even think crazy thing to do, no?

SPEAKER_00 56:40

What would you because the playful ones come from somewhere a lot of the time, and so then you're just airing it out for everybody to see that much worse could be going on the second they get home.

SPEAKER_07 56:52

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We we are our main thing is um is hydrate, moisturize, and you just just be nice. And now we've also added one mo monetize. That definitely helps. So it's hydrate. You have to stay hydrated. You have to stay hydrated, otherwise you can be nasty and you're gonna be a mess. Hydrated also means like make sure you're eating. Right. Self like yeah. Yeah, yeah. Hydrate. So make sure. I'm like, did you hydrate today? Did you drink water? Did you are you are you good with hydration and all that? That's the first thing. Then moisturize. You have to you have to moisturize. It's like self-care, like going to the gym. Yeah. All that. It's like, you know. And then there's um, and then there's just be nice, just adjust your task before adjusting other people's masses. Just be nice. Just be, how can this be done nicely? That's it. And that's and then monetize. See, see, see if you can monetize for those. For those who don't have uh uh somebody performing, just get an Airbnb or something. Start Airbnb. That's that's just for us. And I don't I don't I don't think that that works for everybody, but I think it works for us.

SPEAKER_00 57:59

Do you do these things all together? Because you're spending all your days together, you're hydrating together, monetizing together.

SPEAKER_07 58:06

No, but I will check your hydrating. I'd be like, like whenever I reach for my water bottle, I always go, Did you moisturize today? Uh did you hide did you hydrate today? I always did you hydrate today? I did.

SPEAKER_05 58:16

Two of those at the gym an hour ago. So what let's talk about infidelity. Okay. Because you mentioned that earlier. Is there some are you able to see some sort of pattern in terms of like, is it increasing because of like all these apps? Like, are people less like do you feel like you're seeing more of those issues, or it's just the same since the beginning of time?

SPEAKER_00 58:42

Um That's a great question. I don't think I've been seeing, and in my experience, I haven't seen more.

SPEAKER_05 58:51

In reality, in more like a noticeable.

SPEAKER_00 58:54

And I also would say that there's no tell if I'm seeing a couple and I'm thinking, wow, one of them is just gonna cheat on the other.

SPEAKER_07 59:02

Like there's no moment where that feels like the Do do Do you ever see couples that are okay, that have a straight couple that has an open relationship that they're allowed to go and have?

SPEAKER_00 59:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 59:15

You do. And does it work for them?

SPEAKER_00 59:18

When the guidelines are very, very, very clear and they're being talked about consistently. Yes. Um, and you know, everything is totally on the table open where you're saying exactly what you're doing. I think it can for some people, but it's definitely a rare situation in the world.

SPEAKER_07 59:36

In the straight world, right. Right. Okay. So so that you you've seen it help couples. Has it helped them?

SPEAKER_00 59:44

They seem happy.

SPEAKER_07 59:45

Yeah. But I I always think of like um from House of Cards. Oh, that's not exactly a great healthy depiction of a of a really good thing. Right. That's not a great butt. In the in in the first few seasons, in the first few seasons, they all whatever she did, whatever he did, they were like, but they all were they knew that they were a unit. But they all had little shtus on the subject.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:09

I didn't see the show. Was that disgust between them where they would just go off and do their things knowing the other person was doing it, but they wouldn't say.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:18

It wouldn't be like, oh, I just went out and do today.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:23

He had an affair with this journalist. And it was like a sh it was like a little side hustle thing of his, and she knew it was going on. She's like, Really? And one one time it got a little out of control. She just goes, Really, Frank, this is what you're gonna do? And he's like, just she she's like, keep it in check.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:40

I know I have this image of like couples on the Upper East Side or like Manhattan couples, and I just feel like it's just like, oh well, Frank's having an affair. Like I just feel like it's uh I feel like everyone's doing it.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:51

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_07 1:00:52

I don't feel like fingers like like yeah, well, yeah, like there's also like there's there are there are synagogues that have like uh the rabbis address the fact that hi, can everybody just sleep with your own wife, please? Thank you. It's all in this it's all in this, it's all in this week's parsha. It's all in this you know?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:10

I personally have not seen that. Okay. Maybe I'm living under a rock on the upper side.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:14

You might be. You might be. Do you ever so when couples uh have I mean I know but kind of basically is that fair what could we do our sponsors?

SPEAKER_07 1:01:21

Oh, we just gonna Are you in a rush? We we might just do a two to with two of you. You want to thank our sponsors? Yeah, I don't think I want to thank our sponsors so badly right now. Do you do do eat kosher?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:35

Yes.

Gratitude, Positivity, And Reframing

SPEAKER_07 1:01:36

Good. So AH Provisions is a glak kosher uh company? Delicatessen. It's not delicatessen, they are a provider, they are a what they're a lot more than just a I don't think there's a physical delicatessen. Okay. I think that I think I think that's definitely not what they would be called. AH provisions, glak kosher meats that are so delicious, especially the hot dogs. I mean, I can't explain to you. And they've been our partner and our friends for years now, and we love them, and people see them everywhere and always DM us. Oh my god, we just saw HM from your podcast. Um, they're not from our podcast. They are it, they they are themselves around many, many years before ours. And um, kosher dogs.net is their website. Visit it and use promo code Modi for 30% off of your first order. Uh, we're not just saying it it's delicious food, and Seth is a partner of our podcast, and we we thank him. And of course, Whites in Luxembourg, the law firm that not only does well, they do good, super philanthropic. And uh Arthur Luxemburg, friend of the podcast, has been on the podcast, and Randy, his wife, who listened to the podcast to tell him what we're talking about. And uh, we want to thank them. Thank you very much for making this uh podcast happen. We also want to start thanking Sixth Street Synagogue, a synagogue where we need a good tag for this. A synagogue where you can go and be you. Yeah, go go go be the Jew you are at. Or or or what Be Jew. Be Jew. Be Jew. Yeah, you can yeah, that's it. Yeah, Six Street Synagogue, be Jew. Even if you're not and you need to experience it, there's a great place to experience it. Uh, we'll find a better tag for that. But I think we have to start incorporating them. Okay. And there's nothing that makes me happier than people say we heard about the synagogue on the podcast, and it's nice to meet you, you know, and and always please say hi to me if you come into the synagogue. And that's it. So I'm sorry, we we had to do that interruption.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:30

No, no, sorry.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:31

Well, uh you I was do you think most i issues boil down to communication basically?

SPEAKER_00 1:03:36

For the most part, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:37

And when that involves intimacy and sex, do you ever like outsource that to like a specific sex therapist?

SPEAKER_00 1:03:46

I would say if the issues are so specific so specific in sex and it feels beyond my scope, then yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:55

Like what? Like he wants to be choked.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:58

No, that's like I mean, well, like specific sexual things that I'm just personally not a specialist in, and I don't, you know, learning about your body with another person.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:08

Like things like that are not Do you think that's a lot what happens like after someone has a baby that they run into like a lot of these issues?

SPEAKER_00 1:04:15

There's certainly a lot of um maybe like body like being self-conscious, not feeling like yourself. Sex obviously for a certain amount of time. After you have a baby, you can't do, anyways. Um, often people aren't even thinking about that because you're not sleeping in those stages anyway. And so you're um you're up every couple of hours. And so, yeah, but a lot of it is you don't feel at home in your body. Your body sort of for women belongs to this baby. You don't really have agency over it because either you're feeding them with your boobs or you're still wearing a diaper yourself, you know, after the whole thing. And so it takes a little while to feel like yourself again. It takes actually two years for hormones to regulate to actually return to a balance you from before. So all of those things combined can make it really hard to feel sexy and to feel like you want to have sex with your partner. Um, so it can be really hard for a husband to communicate that to his wife, or, you know, if two women are if they're in a relationship, whoever had the baby, you know, it's hard because someone might want sex and to feel like, you know, I have needs and this was a core part of our relationship before. And now it's kind of just like forbidden for a bit. It's hard to tell that to someone who feels totally uncomfortable in the body that they're in and out of control in a lot of ways. Wow. Yeah, being a woman is a trip.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:48

Being a woman is is such a blessing. I that's why they don't have to put on filling, and that's why they're because they're because they're they are so holy. Their souls are so much holier than men's because they can give birth, and that's why they don't. To pran fill in and go to synagogues and do all the stuff that men have to do. Yeah. Because they're their their souls are so much holier. It's so it's of course. Look at that. You're giving your body to another. It's it's unbelievable. It's unbelievable. No?

SPEAKER_05 1:06:16

Yeah. I'm pulling up, I'm just looking at the email that you had sent.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:19

Yeah, you've you sent a very good email with very good questions.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:22

Oh, thank you. Yeah, yeah. You put a lot of effort in.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:26

Um what's one recurring dynamic that you've had to consciously work on in your relationship? I feel like I answered that a little bit with uh outside opinions. Yeah um Do you want to go through you do you wanna do that?

SPEAKER_00 1:06:42

I left my phone somewhere far away.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:45

This is what you said. Can you well you have to put your phone on it to see these? That's what you sent me. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:52

Well, some of these are actually a part of an exercise that we can do together.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:55

Oh, that 30 second one. Yeah, go ahead. Let's go for it.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:57

Should we do that?

SPEAKER_07 1:06:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:59

Okay. Let's do the predict your partner test.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:02

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:03

So we're gonna come up with a couple of questions. You're each gonna have to predict what your partner would answer, and then you're gonna see if you get it right.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:15

Okay.

Don’t Roast Your Partner In Public

SPEAKER_00 1:07:15

So if I asked each of you what what is so silly?

SPEAKER_06 1:07:21

He's gonna win because he's just gonna say, Mishia Khanojit, Monsieur Khanoj, Mishia Khanojit.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:28

Um you use a lot of comedy. Okay. Okay. Um if I were to ask each of you what stresses your partner out the most right now, what would their answer be? So you can think about it. First you have to think about what your answer would be, and then you're gonna have to guess what the other person would say.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:49

So I have to think about what's gonna s what's what what stresses him the most. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:54

And he's gonna have to think about what would stress you the most. And we can say how accurate that we're gonna get this.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:00

Okay, so do I go first?

SPEAKER_00 1:08:02

Sure.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:03

I think what stresses you out the most is um navigating your parents right now as they like get older and like staying on top of them. Okay. That's not accurate.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:20

It's a it's uh it's is it stress?

SPEAKER_05 1:08:25

It's it's a big th you have to it's real estate in your head.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:28

It's real estate in my head, yes.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:30

But I think it really stresses you out. That's the thing. But it's a way to to do a mitzvah, it's a way to help, it's a way to it's like I have to sp you're I'm watching you take care of like your aging parents. Like I it's not something I've had to do. Right. And I know that's something like you're dealing with, and like you call them and you speak to them, and especially like recently stuff has happened.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:50

Yeah. Yeah, but I I yeah, I don't know if it's a stress so much as in I see it as an opportunity to help them and uh they've helped me. And they've uh it's not a stress, it's it's a mitzvah. It's and God has been so good to us and that that they're so functioning so well. Yeah, but that doesn't negate the fact that you've had to deal with stuff, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, but I uh yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:13

Well, I guess what would your answer be to that then? What stresses you out the most right now?

SPEAKER_07 1:09:18

Um hmm. Exactly. Do you even have an answer? What what str what stresses me? I I try not to get stressed. I try to breathe a lot and not get stressed. Um in the moment this thing's like sometimes you get stressed. A flight that's delayed or something. That's a in but and then but then you realize there's nothing I can do. There's nothing I can do. And then someone sends a private plane for you. That happened. We haven't even talked about that. We'll talk about that. All that stress, all that stress was for no reason. It all just boom. Hashem just sent us a private plane. And we went on the on the and then that that was that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:57

Okay.

Hydrate, Moisturize, Be Nice, Monetize

SPEAKER_07 1:09:58

So what what stresses you the most? Um scheduling seems to stress you out. But then it always works out like all these shows and all these flights have to happen, and all this time and landing, and and until you do it, you get you you're stressed out. But then when you do it, it's amazing how you do it. Like the way he climbs.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:24

Right. Right. I'm not good with the travel.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:27

Yeah. The the actual sitting on a plane is stresses him out. The actual sitting on a plane watching people come on stresses him out.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:35

I don't like being in the airport. Yeah. I also it's been hard like maintaining my social life, my independent social life, when uh we're on a flight, two two flights a week, basically. Yeah. So I have very limited time to like see the p my friends, and that stresses me out.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:54

But luckily, we're taking a step towards that. See that? We're we're we're advanced already. We're taking we've seen, we've identified his stress, and we're working on making sure that that will not have to happen too often. There's no reason for him to be in a show in Detroit. But I'm going with you to Detroit. I know, but later on you won't need to go to Is that your biggest stress right now?

SPEAKER_00 1:11:17

Is that accurate?

SPEAKER_05 1:11:20

Yeah. I mean, I I just I wear a lot of different hats. Um, but uh yeah, the the travel and logistics and and the planes and cars and we're in so many different places uh that that stresses me out, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:39

Okay, well, well done.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:40

Well done. We were good at good, we were good on that exercise, no? What was the other exercise? Well, we can what was the other one?

SPEAKER_00 1:11:47

We can do a 30-second appreciation exercise where your time for 30 seconds, each of you, you have to look at your partner in the eye, no laughing, no jokes. I'm gonna crack up. Um taking it very seriously, where you just have to say all that comes to mind that are things you appreciate about your partner. So each of you have 30 seconds to do it. So we're gonna time.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:12

You're gonna go first, Molly. I am. So I have to tell him everything I appreciate about him without laughing.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:19

Yeah, no jokes. You have to take it seriously.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:21

Okay. Ready?

SPEAKER_07 1:12:25

Go. I appreciate all the work you do for uh uh how to have respect for each other. I respect um the obviously all the work you do for the business and providing for us for all of the the the bit the business stuff and uh and everything you do around the house. And I appreciate that hair you've been doing lately. I can't tell you how nice it is, and there's no laughing, how nice it is to just look over and see this beautiful head of hair that you've been uh Um that's time. That's it. Okay. I had to get the hair, I had to get the hair in. The whole thing comes right off. I love a buzz cut, what can I say?

SPEAKER_05 1:13:06

Okay. Um okay, let me start my timer.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:09

No, but you would if we were sat in your office, you'd be like, these two don't need me, they're fine.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:13

I don't think you need to meet, you know, there's nothing, at least from what I've seen right now, and also I don't want to say too much. But I think, of course, there's issues in every relationship. And there could be something that is a recurring argument that you have, or some deep-seated feelings that one of you might have from experiences you've had before the relationship that get carried over in and ways to help each other get it more. But you seem like you love each other a lot, and I'm taking a lot of positives away from meeting the two of you.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:47

Okay, you have 30 seconds. Okay. Um He loves a task, he loves a little I would have been like, okay, just go ahead and I'd uh time's up. Okay.

Infidelity, Open Rules, And Reality

SPEAKER_05 1:13:57

I appreciate how positive you always are, um, how you always are grounding to me. Um, I appreciate how you put up with me when I get stressed and I have my little mood swings. And I appreciate how you handle things around the house that I can't do. Um uh like uh scheduling third just certain things that you do around the house. And then also I that's my time. You didn't bring Moshik energy once in there? Well, it's two on the nose, Modi. Okay. It's like yeah, that's it. That's that's the 30-second appreciation drill. Very nice.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:41

Anything else we should do before we wrap this up?

SPEAKER_00 1:14:45

I would just encourage you to keep, you know, communicating with each other. If there's something, you know, I did want to ask you, and maybe you guys can deal with this later on, but you did ask or say at the end of that podcast, maybe we should bring a couples therapist.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:59

So why um I thought it would just be interesting for other people to listen to as well. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:09

And also um we meet our listeners. Yeah. They come to us and they say hi, as into your podcast.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:18

They would enjoy this.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:20

Great.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:21

Yeah. Yeah. Even if they don't themselves want to go to a couples therapist, like they want to hear what a couples therapist has to say. And then what's our big advice?

SPEAKER_05 1:15:28

We've had different doctors on before. Yeah. We've had several doctors on, medical doctors. Um, so I feel like this is kind of uh aligned with that. I also feel like we're also we're very into wellness and optimization. So although we're not like, is that not accurate? I saw I had my blue I went to Dr. K yesterday. Um, yeah, so I feel like this is in line with that, um, even though we're not actively in therapy. Um, and I thought, you know, last time on that podcast you heard it, we were just reading each other questions from like Chat GPT. It wasn't like a licensed therapist therapist. So and people liked that episode. Yeah. So yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:16

And how can people find out about you?

SPEAKER_00 1:16:19

Well, you guys can go to Lexington Park Psychotherapy.com.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:23

How'd you come up with that name? Are you you're on Lexington and oh in between?

SPEAKER_00 1:16:26

No, we're literally I'm on uh 85 Fifth Avenue, so between 16th and 17th. Yeah.

unknown 1:16:33

Shh. Oh.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:34

That's between oh no.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:36

Oh it's right by Union Square, flat iron.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:38

I was hearing 85th and Fifth Avenue.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:41

Oh, yeah, no, that's quite north.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:42

That's quite north.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:43

That would be Upper East.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:44

That would be, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:46

Yeah, you can find me on my website. Um Lexington Park Psychotherapy.com.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:52

Lexington Parksychotherapy.com. That's so much spelling.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:57

That is so much spelling.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:59

It's easier typing it up than saying it.

SPEAKER_07 1:17:01

You know, you know that I have a degree in I have a degree in psychology from Boston University.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:05

Oh, very cool.

SPEAKER_07 1:17:06

Yes. Cognitive.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:09

I'll link um all of your information and then the website uh in the description of the episode. You're not on Instagram.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:19

I have a personal Instagram.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:20

Not a practical.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:21

But not a practical Instagram.

SPEAKER_07 1:17:22

Yeah. No, you can't do before and after picture on a psychotherapist. You can't do a before and after picture. This isn't like a plastic surgeon when she went in with a nose that could arrive an hour before her, and then all of a sudden you she has a little button on her face. No, this is private. You gotta keep it private.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:17:41

As we launched this out on the internet.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:44

That would be the hardest part of your job, honestly, because like I would have to, I would have to be like, I'd have to be like, I know we can't, but I would be like, no, you have to hear what this person just said. Like, it's really crazy.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:54

And then looking them up. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:57

Oh, do you, do you?

SPEAKER_00 1:17:58

I was I did see an actor once. Okay. And it was really hard. But I, you know, it's just not, yeah, I didn't do it.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:07

I'd be more interested in uh a hedge fund guy. Hedge fund guy is coming with his wife and they're having their their their their tourist, they're the their problem, and you go, let me see what this guy's doing, what she's doing.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:18

How relevant is that though when going into like a consultation with someone, like knowing their job and all that? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:25

I mean, I guess I'm guessing they tell you that, but like they tell me that, but a lot of the time it's a lot of external pressure that comes from a job like that, or finances seem to be at the root of a lot of issues, of issues. You know, their companies making so much money and then losing so much money, and it's like such an unstable.

Sponsors, Community, And Support

SPEAKER_07 1:18:44

Same energy, not especially here in New York. That's that's again, it's energy. So that that money is energy. Money is energy coming, going, it affects them. And obviously, doing a show is energy and being in that room with couples that are going through it. Yeah good or bad. It's energy. You have to manage the energy. Um wait, but back to this question. Um so when a couple is signed up, your associate or whoever schedules the appointment and you get the names, you don't like just Instagram them first just to see what this looks like.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:19

I don't. And I'll tell you why. It's because if I if it was me in that situation, I would not want to feel invaded in that way.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:26

I think it would be invaded if they have a public.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:29

If it's public even out, I just think have I want the space to be for what they can want to tell me.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:35

And so I want to take a sterile environment. Exactly. I want what they want to tell me, and in the way they want to tell me that says a lot about what's going on with them. I don't need to come in with any extra.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:47

Social media is fake.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:48

True.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:49

Someone can post except for mine. My social media is me telling jokes and me uh podcast clips and announcing where my shows are. Yep. And uh we're gonna thank the sponsors again. Um because we are you just gonna cut No, I think we'll just do this as one episode. It's not one long episode? Yeah. Okay, perfect. Ladies and gentlemen, we are on tour, and this will probably be coming out next week. So there are shows in um Detroit, Dallas, uh Orlando, Orlando, Kansas City, Kansas City. Um, of course, Radio City Music Hall in New York on April 23rd and 30th. There are tickets available um for the 30th. The 30th, more the other ones 23rd sold out, Boro Hoshem, thank God. Um Philadelphia, Boston, oh, Boston. Boston's gonna be amazing. It's gonna be so the Wilbur Theater is so much fun. It's gonna be an amazing energy show. I think one sold out. There's a few tickets left in the other show. Milwaukee, Milwaukee, Cincinnati, and Atlantic City, New Jersey. That's the only New Jersey show this year. So only one show in New Jersey, and it's gonna be in Atlantic City. Get your tickets. Look for friends, look to see where your friends are, and if there's a show in your deck, buy them tickets. Be the friend that brings the friends to the comedy show that creates Mashir energy, which is the goal. And um, and everything's available on ModiLive.com. Thank you so much for uh being here and being our guest and being.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:22

It's such a privilege.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:24

Yeah, thank you. Thank you for your time.

SPEAKER_05 1:21:26

Yeah, people are gonna love this. People are gonna love it, yeah. Hope so. Yeah, yeah. Bye. Bye.