AND HERE’S MODI
AND HERE’S MODI is an inside look at the man behind the microphone. Hosted by comedian, Modi (@modi_live), AHM features a raw and unfiltered side of the comedian rarely seen on stage. He always finds the funny as he navigates the worlds of comedy, trending topics, his personal life and spirituality. AHM is co-hosted by Periel Aschenbrand (@perielaschenbrand) and Leo Veiga (@leo_veiga_).
AND HERE’S MODI
Retail Therapy
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Episode 189: Modi and Leo gab about everything from the death of brick and mortar shopping experiences to gym etiquette.
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Live From New York Opener
SPEAKER_01Hello and welcome live from New York City from the Center for Jewish History. It's and here's Modi. The Price is Right song.
SPEAKER_00But the and here's Modi's from Johnny Carson. Is that what plays in your head? And your host, uh Johnny Carson. That's we should add that in the beginning in the beginning. Oh, we probably cannot use that. That is like he do you know that he get he, the guy who wrote the song, got royalties every time it was played for all those years. Good for him. Yeah. Doc Severson. I just know because I'm I used to watch a Johnny Carson show because I'm 40 plus shipping and handling, so I know I know Johnny Carson history. The fact that there are people walking around today who do not know who Johnny Carson is is one of the most insane things to me. Ellen, do you know who Johnny Carson is? But you you've heard the name. Okay, we have uh are you millennial? Gen Z. And you've no Johnny. So I so he had a host on Johnny Carson had a host named Ed McMahon. And one time I met his grandson. I met him too. Right. Yeah. Justin McMahon. Right? Is that his name?
SPEAKER_01No, let's not say his name. Let's not say his name.
SPEAKER_00But he said, like, let's just say David McMahon. And I go, oh, like Ed McMahon from the Tonight Shigar. He goes, You've heard of my grandfather? I go, yeah. He goes, none of my friends know who my grandfather was. And we had Johnny Carson over the house, and we had uh Frank Sinatra over the house.
SPEAKER_01You just spoke to a young, well, not actually my age, basically, person Jewish who didn't know who Goebbels was recently.
SPEAKER_00That was so crazy.
SPEAKER_01You walk around thinking that all these people just like have these references baked into their brain and they don't.
SPEAKER_00That that's why I add that in in my in my show. I always do a Holocaust reference because people don't know. I can't believe we were she was millennial. She's millennial. She's in her 30s. And I we did something, and I I mentioned Goebbels, who was one of the Third Reich, one of the main people under his pretty up there. He was pretty up there in the Third Reich. He was in charge of the Air Force, the Luftwaffe. And she had no idea what the word Goebbels was. I go, didn't you ever see uh a Holocaust documentary, a World War II documentary? Like, I guess, no. It was crazy that she never heard of that.
SPEAKER_01It was a little yeah, because even I had known, like I knew about Goebbels before.
SPEAKER_00And in my last special, I dropped uh Dr. Um Joseph Mengele as a punchline. And then I but then I turned to the audience and say, uh go I know you don't know who that is, Google it tonight. And so they should know, and you can you know not just who he was, the atrocities, and but it through comedy, I brought that to them.
Who Still Knows These References
SPEAKER_01You know, you're doing soon um an event for blue card next month. Uh you're doing a brunch that is for Holocaust survivors, and it's for m a few of their 100th birthdays.
SPEAKER_00I I've done this event before. Is that crazy? And that's where um my uh did you ever hear me say make sure it's printed in survivor font? That's where I did an event for them a while back, and this is right at the edge where I was like, I I need reading glasses, but I don't read really need reading if the font is big enough. Okay. In a restaurant where the lights are out and the the the the font is is written in Rashi script, I can't read it. But so the people who spoke before me were Holocaust survivors all back then in their 80s and 90s. Now they're in their hundreds. And they made these, they're all in font this big. And I said, I want survivor fonts. I want that massive font. That's what I want. Don't don't print out like a little font for me, 16 or 14.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but they they they're still alive. There's a very, very few left. And it was crazy. There was a Jewish person who didn't know who Goebbels was.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it was. I remember, I remember um when I did this blue card event.
SPEAKER_01You also like World War II takes up consumes a lot of your mental real estate. I feel like you're always thinking about World War II. You're every time I look over on Netflix, you're watching something new about World War II. Like I don't even know how they're still making new things about it, but you're finding them.
SPEAKER_00Everybody, but do you know that even comedians who aren't Jewish always talk about how much there's nobody in more things on Netflix than Hitler. Hitler is in the if you Google like anybody on on not Google, but if you uh do a uh a search, Hitler is in more m movies and documentaries than anybody else is on Netflix or Amazon or Amazon. I mean yeah, I believe it. Yeah, so it's it's an insane thing to to watch when you watch every time you watch a documentary, there's a new angle at it, but it's like, how did that happen? How did it happen? It's like it's crazy. And so, yeah, it can it consumes your thoughts. It consumes your thoughts. It consumes your thoughts.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I'm consumed with thoughts all the time.
SPEAKER_00Such as Leo.
SPEAKER_01Um, right now, yeah, one of them is the death
Holocaust Memory Through Comedy
SPEAKER_01of the brick and mortar retail experience. Oh as a former kid who used to go to the mall and work. Who worked at the mall.
SPEAKER_00Hi, welcome to Abercrombie. Um Leo worked in Ambercrombie Fitch. Finch? Fitch. Fitch. Ambercrombie Fitch.
SPEAKER_01In high school.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, he was the when you walk in, the were you shirtless? No, I'm not I'm that's not very sneeus. So what did you do if you weren't?
SPEAKER_01I was a greeter, but back then, by then they had taken away the shirtless things. Oh. Yeah. Oh, but what was I saying? The death of the brick of the pl of the the enjoyable brick and mortar retail experience. It's it's something we're all witnessing in real time. It's depressing. So horrible. It's really depressing because you know, you have that little twinge of guilt when you order something on Amazon sometimes, when instead of, you know, you you pass by these smaller businesses and you're like, maybe I should support local this and that. But then you go into some of those businesses and you're like, this whole place should be set on fire. And we had that.
SPEAKER_00We had that experience, we had a crazy experience in the West Hampton.
SPEAKER_01In West Hampton.
SPEAKER_00I don't remember the name of the store though.
SPEAKER_01We're not gonna say the name of the store.
SPEAKER_00Uh okay. So in the town of West Hampton, where you go a little strip. There's a little strip, you go in your spazier, and there's lines for everything. Line for a baby, Franklin. Something, I don't know. There's a line for everything. And we're just, we were literally killing a half hour. Um, and we just wanted to get a coffee or a smoothie, and we found a place, and we walked by, and there were some retail stores of clothing, and there's one that sold like like golf closey kind of a thing. Men's clothes, empty, nothing really interesting in there. We did we didn't we didn't go in. Then there's um there was one store, and the entire store looked like a closet that was rampsacked.
SPEAKER_01There was no rhyme or reason to the store. It was like storage.
SPEAKER_00They had great stuff. They had they had uh uh olibar brown, olibar brown, olibar brown, they had frame, yeah. They had uh good brands, but everything looked like the clo it looked like a closet that you went through looking for something and trying stuff on and trying to pack up, and everything was disordered in a mess. And then the girl, the lady working there, lady, a young lady working there, just sat like this with this tuhus punum, like this. She was so surprised we were walking in. She was in shock that we walked in. She was like, I cannot believe someone just walked into the store and I have to actually engage with them or something. And we just started to look around, figuring, and we and she goes, she goes, Hi uh, I said, we're just browsing. She says, This isn't really a browsing store.
SPEAKER_01It's more we you tell us your vibe and we pull things for you. So we know where everything is. And I'm like, Do you know where everything is?
SPEAKER_00Because I wanted to grab the shelf and pull everything down, and it would have been an improvement, by the way. The store looked so disheveled.
SPEAKER_01If you guys know the new don't touch anything, like she's not really a browsing store. I was like, uh oh, okay, my bad for walking into a store.
SPEAKER_00I saw the Olivar Brown bathing suits, and I'm like, okay, so I said, let me see if they have my my size, uh 32 or 33, whatever is. And I started going through it, and they were like in the middle of nowhere, they're just disheveled.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, the no rhyme reason.
SPEAKER_00The no-rhyes just like a just plots on top of some sweatshirts, and then and and um and she said, Are you looking for anything specific? No, I'm just browsing, and that's when she hits us with it's not a browsing store. Yeah, I'm just like, I'm confused. And you know what? We were it we were in that like space space.
SPEAKER_01We were well looking to swipe the card. Correct. We were just we were in the first place.
SPEAKER_00Yes, it was it's exactly what that was. If she would have just been a little friendlier, a little hi, how are you? Oh, I love your shirt. We have something we don't like.
SPEAKER_01I don't need them to be friendly like that. But don't when I walk into the store be like, what are you doing here? Basically, like that, I was immediately just like, what? Am I in trouble? She stared at us.
SPEAKER_00She's she was staring at us, and I just walked in a little bit and she goes, uh, unfortunately, everything past this point for women. Why is that unfortunately? Well, it was so weird. She just wanted us out. She was like, she was so ghosted online for a shit.
SPEAKER_01But to counteract the negativity, yeah, to give a positive. One of the few,
Retail Stores That Hate Shoppers
SPEAKER_01and I've said this before on the podcast, one of the few remaining pleasurable, enjoyable, thought-out brick and mortar retail experiences is ASOP.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah. You do.
SPEAKER_01Every ASOP store is beautiful. Every ASOP store is different. Yep. Every ASOP store is designed by a different architect or different interest. They all look different, they're beautiful. They want you to try the things. The people are just the right amount of friendly. They still give you, they still you buy one thing, they still give you two or three little packets of a of a sample. Try this, you might like it next time.
SPEAKER_00Those of you who have no idea what we're talking about, ASAP is a bougie soap store. I can't believe you just didn't describe it.
SPEAKER_01I just wanted to technically everyone knows what ASOP is.
SPEAKER_00No one knows what ASOP is if they're not like two gay men with with disposable income. Yeah, but like most people are gonna be like, what are they doing? Don't say that.
SPEAKER_01I was already peep having people come for me in the comment section when I was talking about my skincare getting lost. They said, uh what'd that woman say to you? They said, they said, because we mentioned when one of the last episodes I lost my luggage, which was fine, but like all my skincare was in there, and I want my skincare back. And I didn't even say the word like regimen or whatever, but they're like expensive skincare regimen in quotes. Leo, maybe if you had to work for a living, you wouldn't be so arrogant. And I was like, My bad, for wanting to be moisturized.
SPEAKER_00Um yeah, but ASAP is a fancy I'm working on my relatability.
SPEAKER_01I'm sorry. Um what was it? ASAP is nice.
SPEAKER_00But how you describe it?
SPEAKER_01It's a soap, they sell soap, uh shampoo, body wash, toiletries. Uh they make candles now, I think. Yeah, it's amazing. Nice stuff. It's a good one. But every store is beautiful. They have they have built-out faucets for you to like, why don't you try this hand soap or try this function? And no, and they want you to try it. And they're like I said, they're the they're the right amount of interactive. Right. They're not like in your face. Because sometimes you go into a store and they're like on top of you. And I don't like that either. Just let me browse if I have a question.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but this girl, well, she looked first of all, she looked as she looked she looked as she had a night. Like she had a she she was in a man's she she was in a man's. She was in a man's button-down shirt, like oversized. Um, she was dehydrated looking. Her hair was like a mess, no makeup, but she was pretty enough to pull that off. But the again, tuchus punem.
SPEAKER_01Anyone should ever describe us as dehydrated looking.
SPEAKER_00No, but the tuchus punem to tuchis is an is a is your tush, is your ass, and punem is your face. So tuhis punem is someone's like this. And she just stared at us and was sitting on a stool, uncomfortable, looking at us in shock. We walked in, and then she's just like, I'm gonna, yeah.
SPEAKER_01But is there uh can you think of any other um brick and mortar uh shopping experiences where you're like, you know what? That was worth me not shopping online. Um it has to be a unique store. That's why I I find the brands I like, I find what size I am, and that's it, and then you just order it online, and then I order online. My whole situation with Mr. Porter. Oh, yeah. I ordered a bunch of stuff on Mr. Porter, and like they deliver it the same day. And then if you don't want it, you can schedule a return and they come and pick it for you. I don't even have to go to the UPS store. So I I I I bought this pair of jeans, didn't fit. I said, okay, I'll return the jeans, I'll keep the shoes. So and I scheduled a time for the courier to come, and I'm tracking the courier, tracking the courier, tracking the courier. It says between 5 and 6 p.m. at 5 50, I get a notification saying, uh, delivery failed or rec collection failed. I run down to the lobby. I was like, was someone from Mr. Porter here? And the security, like the doorman's like, yeah, they walked in, hit something on their iPad and left. I was like, son of a bitch. Like it probably tells them that they at least went to the building and then just clicked, nope, he's not here. Like he didn't come up, he didn't get the thing.
SPEAKER_00So so people, if you if you don't know, let me just tell you what living with Leo is like. Oh, I'm dying to hear this. Well, we so Leo orders everything to the apartment.
SPEAKER_01So I don't like shopping because of what we're talking about. I'm not saying it's a bad thing. Yeah, I don't like going to the stores.
SPEAKER_00Food too, yeah, food too. So I just see Leo, like you know, staring at his phone with someone just and then all of a sudden walks to the door, opens the door, and there's little packages there. Whether it's our breakfast, whether it's uh a delivery from Instagram card, what's it called? Instacart. Instacart. Instacart or whatever, whatever. And all of a sudden opens the door and there is a bag the size of a trunk. It was huge. It was the big Mr.
SPEAKER_01Porter. It was huge. I ordered a pair of shorts, jeans, and shoes.
SPEAKER_00The bag was like the bag was massive.
SPEAKER_01I could have fit inside the bag.
SPEAKER_00Brought it in. I thought you ordered a a uh like a like a Mini Cooper. I don't know what he's what is he ordering from there? And then it was jeans that did not work out.
When Online Shopping Wins
SPEAKER_01Jeans that uh the creative vision was there, but uh the execution was off. And shoes that um I thought probably gonna wear to Atlantic City. Celine with their we can't say the brand because they're already coming for me that I'm I'm not uh relatable.
SPEAKER_00Kishan took us if you're not relatable. We don't then you the then you're on the wrong podcast.
SPEAKER_01Um boots that are cute. I bought like cowboy boots, which that were uh a stretch for me stylistically.
SPEAKER_00They're a write-off, yeah. Um, and then some shorts.
SPEAKER_01And so but no, but then sometimes like when you you're like, you know what? Uh when we land somewhere, you to do a show. We land somewhere, we have we have a few hours to kill before sound check. What do we do? We we we go to the mall to get some steps, get some steps in, and then you're like, oh, let me go look at this store. Everything is so loud, yeah. Everything is so and it good luck if they have your size. Good luck if you find something you actually like. Oh, we don't have that size, especially our shoes. Yeah, we wear size 13s, everything goes to 12. After 12, they're like, check online. I'm like, you're right, I should have just checked online this whole time. My bad. But I have another ick. Go ahead, ick. This is another ick, and I don't know if I'm gonna be able to communicate it clearly. But yesterday, I'm really just digging myself deeper into a hole. But yesterday I got a massage. And do you know when you the person working the front desk or the person you're interacting with is in such they're they're reading from like a an HR or corporate approved script of what they need to say to each person. Yes, and they're hitting it word for word. Yep, but they've done it so many times now that it it becomes like a run-on monologue. 100%. It drives me insane. I'm checking in for this massage. She goes, hi, welcome so much for coming. Um we need you to fill out these intake forms, whether you've been here before or not. We appreciate you letting us know if you have any injuries or food allergies. You're but she's like not looking at me while she's saying it. And like she's the poor thing, she's not doing anything wrong. She's doing exactly what she was trained to do. They told her, you have to say this paragraph word for word to every person who walks in. So she's doing it, but she's not there with, she's not in the room with us. Right. And the words are coming out, but they're all just one word, if that makes sense.
SPEAKER_00So, do you know the most intense situation of that was when we did our body scans. Oh, wow. So you wait the MRI you mean? The whole body scan we did. The MRI. Yeah, is that an MRI? Yeah, it was a we got an MRI. We did a full body MRI, and we you go to this place, and they Yes, that was they did you were there walking in at 12, and then you're walking out by 110, so they can get the next guy in by 120. And there's no, how are you? This is your first time. Oh, great, good to see you.
SPEAKER_01They don't allow them.
SPEAKER_00None. It was hi, ta da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da this room, ta da da da da da da da da da da your clothes. It's fine, which is fine. But like it's fine. Sometimes you're just like, hello. It was fine. I don't need to be her new best friend.
SPEAKER_01I don't either, but it just is like a little um I'm not looking for a best friend.
SPEAKER_00I want to get this done with and out.
SPEAKER_01No, if infantilizing is the word, but it's sort of just like infantilizing. Infantilizing. What does that mean? Google it, Modi. Not Googling infantilizing. Um anyway.
SPEAKER_00So that was it? That that's your whole thing.
SPEAKER_01It's just like uh in it, you know. I feel like I have a little bit of leeway because I've been that person before. Like I've worked the front desk at places, like I've worked retail, like I know when corporate you have to watch the the training videos and like here's what you have to say to each person. But just when it gets to the point where you might as well when at that point I might as well be talking to a like an AI robot. I prefer to at that point just put an iPad up with a a video head playing. Like we don't need a human being here at the already have that CVS.
SPEAKER_00I know CVS is just now. I'm I'm a pharmacist now. I'm a pharmacist. That drives me crazy.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's the other thing about going shopping. You you go shopping and then and then you now you have to like grow at the grocery store. Now I have to self-check out because there's only one lane open and there's 12,000 people there. So it's like, oh, I work here now.
SPEAKER_00Okay, by the way, those of you who haven't seen my Dream Babies
Scripted Service And Self Checkout
SPEAKER_00Press, Dream Baby Press things Modi loves and hates.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah, you did a fun collab with them on Instagram.
SPEAKER_00And and the first when it came out, it was so good that Leo goes, people are gonna think I just did it for you. Well, I did, I helped you write it. Yeah, but I came up with the thing. We shaped it together. We yeah. Okay, so of my first things I love. Um it's on Modi's Instagram. Yeah, it's um Ten Things You Love, Ten Things You Hate. Things You Hate. So the Ten Things I Love. Uh currently correctly guessing the year of an old vintage car. Like when you walk in New York City and you see a car that's like from the 80s or 70s, I like to be able to go 76. That's pretty good. And because in New York the registration's on the window, you can walk to the window and see the year of the registration of the car. So in other cities, you can't. You know, you you just like you it doesn't say the year of the of the of the car on it. So that's a great one. Caffeine-free diet coke at night.
SPEAKER_01That's a recent discovery for us. Not for me.
SPEAKER_00I've known that forever.
SPEAKER_01I would always walk by that can in the grocery store and I was like, who's buying this? Why would I want a caffeine-free diet coke? Like that defeats the purpose of a diet coke. But now I'm a convert. I understand.
SPEAKER_00I sometimes at night you want a little bit of a well, there's there's certain things that have to be eaten with a diet coke. Pretzels, pizza, things like that have to be eaten with a Diet Coke. I know that's your holographic. If you're having a pizza or a pretzel at night, if you're at that stage where that's happening, where things are already going downhill. Things you you you you and your Zempic are not in the in the right place, then you you can't have a Diet Coke, Diet Coke because the caffeine is so. And by the way, if you want to blow me away as a guest, don't be like, we have this special wine that's from the Herzog Val. I don't care. Fresca, Diet Ginger Ale, and Diet Coke, Diet Coke with no caffeine. Now, now I'm gonna think about the next time I'm coming back to your house. Don't merlone me. And don't shot a drinker. Give me, give me that. Those are the four things I want. Um I've been having some uh interactions. Come on, I'm not done yet. I love these. I was so impressed. I was so when my millennial husband gives me timely pop-up updates. Pop culture. Pop culture updates.
SPEAKER_01I do a pretty good job of I mean, I for what I know. I mean, because there are things happening that I'm not like there are celebrities that the Gen Z kids are into that I'm like, I have no idea who this is. Yeah. But I do my best to keep you up to date with that. 100%. I don't claim to be an expert though.
SPEAKER_00And it's like small things and big things. It's like first of all.
SPEAKER_01I only tell you because I feel like sometimes it's gonna be relevant if you're like at the comedy center. And something comes up or like a topic.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. This I did last night, driving in silence. I drove to my parents in the five towns yesterday and then to the oh to the to the the the Redby's grave.
SPEAKER_01And so does it drive you crazy when I'm in the car with you? No, I shoot it out.
SPEAKER_00I so I I I didn't put the car on it. I didn't, I was just enjoying the drive. I love my car. I love driving, and I'm just it's in my own thoughts. And I didn't when we were driving home from the Hamptons, I was yapping your ear off. Driving home from why? We driving home from the Hamptons?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I was yapping the whole time.
SPEAKER_00What are we talking about?
SPEAKER_01We're talking about everything.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And then we have to do a podcast and we talk about everything again.
SPEAKER_01No, but I No, the things we talk about in the car are not for the podcast.
SPEAKER_00No, but but we uh but but I I can sit in silence in the car. I can also sit in silence.
SPEAKER_01You can't imagine driving without music playing. No, but I can sit in silence. We sit in silence at home. I don't know. We sit in the side. Driving the car, part of the purpose of the car is my music listening time. Correct. It's a sound booth for me to play music.
SPEAKER_00The gift that we have that we can sit in silence is a gift that not many couples have.
SPEAKER_01Well, that's one of your things that you hate when people uh talk in their podcast voice in public.
SPEAKER_00Well, no, no. If I'm in a steam room and there's two bros in there and they're talking about whatever they're talking about, be it a sports thing or something they do that, and they're doing it in podcast voice, which is this loud, and it's not necessary because you're in a steam room with acoustics that are insane, you know, and you shouldn't be talking to begin with. Yeah. It's uh it's a wellness situation. Just everybody just I want to breathe and get my mucus out. Um, and just that's drives me insane. But there's couples who can't imagine just sitting there. There's nothing to say. You see it at the airport. It's an anxiety thing. It's an anxiety thing that they have. Okay, they're boarding in an hour, so we're gonna, within one hour, so we're here and we're at the boarding car, I'll put it up on the car. And that they're so nervous and so they can't imagine just having silence. You see them in the elevator. Yeah, they get you're in an elevator. There's another couple there. Shut your mouth. Shut your mouth. Don't talk to him. Okay, I yeah, the groceries are coming at 3:30, so we'll get there by that. Shut your mouth. Don't be in a conversation while somebody else is there.
SPEAKER_01Um, so you that's when you're at the gym and you're in the steam room, and there's two guys in there being like, Well, this weekend we went to the uh uh hair of the dog, and you know how they have those bloody Marys and like they do that voice. Okay. But seeing seeing art and saying, I can make that. You're still reading this post. And to be fair, you do make it. I feel like that was what that what was missing from that post is that you have gone home and pulled out a canvas and acrylic paint and tried to do what you saw, which I feel like that's why you're allowed to say that. But I did do it.
SPEAKER_00There's three things I did that are beautiful that people think are from a museum. Yeah. And uh you made that. Yeah, but now I've stopped and we built the whole thing downstairs.
SPEAKER_01You built the whole thing. We threw a drop cloth in the basement and and put an easel up. It's not like uh that was a good one.
SPEAKER_00I maybe you should be making more art. I should be. Uh, pushing it off. Um when the pharmacy tells tells you your prescriptions when you get 90 days of your of your pills instead of 30 days. I know our pharmacist hates me. Which one?
SPEAKER_01That's UVS. The the Asian kid? I'm not saying descriptors. Um The Asian kid's the nicest guy in the world. He's not the pharmacist.
SPEAKER_00Who's the pharmacist?
SPEAKER_01Okay, whatever. They're all pharmacists. No, some of them are pharmacy techs, and there's like one or two pharmacists who's in charge of all of them. Okay.
SPEAKER_00Alright.
SPEAKER_01Um, do you ever like someone's post on Instagram just to immediately unfollow them? No.
SPEAKER_00What's that?
SPEAKER_01Sometimes you're scrolling and you like a post, and you're like, oh, and you genuinely like it. You're like, that was nice. And then as you're looking at it, you're like, my journey here is done. Unfollow. Like, I'm gonna end this journey of following this person on a on a high note almost. I'm like, because I'm I'm liking the post out of out of a genuine, oh, this is nice. But then it makes me realize, why am I following this person? And so that I just go, unfollow. I call it the goodbye like. Oh, goodbye like.
SPEAKER_00I go, goodbye. That was beautiful. Thank you. Thank you for being in my feed. But my Instagram is doesn't give me people I follow. My Instagram gives me only suggestions. Only suggestions. Nobody I follow is ever there unless I speak to them.
SPEAKER_01No, because you're in the wrong part of Instagram. You're not in your feed, you're in the search bar that's feeding you things. That's why.
SPEAKER_00But then once I look somebody up, I look somebody up, then I'll start getting their stuff again. Uh-huh. And then I when and even when I call them, not from Instagram, I I get their stuff. It's very connected. It's
Pet Peeves From Silence To Instagram
SPEAKER_00very, very connected. It's very spooky.
SPEAKER_01Um, you were talking about pot people at the Steam Room in the gym being in an ick for you. Um there's just some behavior at the gym that I think we should discuss. You have a lot of problems with it, yeah. Yeah. One, we have to figure out what the punishment should be for people who leave. And so at Equinox the gym. Not to just continue on my unrelatability tirade. There's a gym that has towels that are wet and filled with eucalyptus oil, and they're in the refrigerator, so they're cold. So you can grab them after you get off the treadmill and wipe yourself off, and it's very nice and refreshing. Consider assuming they're cold. Now, some people grab their towel and they leave the fridge open. So now I'm coming. Like the fridge doesn't close all the way, like it like it's like this. And so now I'm coming after them like 10 or 15 minutes later. Yeah. And what I'm greeted with is a room temperature wet towel. Now, what should the punishment be for that? I'm thinking the capital punishment. No. I'm thinking Wow, you're thinking so different. Electric chair. Because really, first of all, warm, not a room temperature wet towel is so unnerving and gross. But I am so conscious about those things. Like when I'm grabbing a towel, I am I check like three times to make sure that I've fully sealed the fridge up. Right. So that they stay cold for the next person. But I guess not everyone is. I can't believe it.
SPEAKER_00I can't be talking about this, but if we are, I'm gonna give it to you. No, I'm because I have other gym things that have been happening. So the first of all, the the little refrigerator with the cold towels with the eucalyptus on them, I've seen people take and then they close the fridge, but they just they close it, not not slam, but they close it. And as they do, they turn away, they don't see that it reopens. So I always, as a good citizen, touch it. You just close it back. But I I don't blame them. They have their earphones on. I blame them. They didn't see them, they didn't see. And sometimes I know that sometimes it doesn't close. That's why I check. Sometimes the towel is warm because they just put it in.
SPEAKER_01That's true, but not always the case. Okay, but that's uh sometimes you can tell because you can tell by how many towels are in there. So if it's full and it's like, oh, they're not that cold, it's like, oh, they just refilled.
SPEAKER_00This is a moment where we stop and thank Hashem got a little bit more. Thank God there's no bigger problems right now for us to discuss on this podcast, and that is thank you, Hashem. That's all I say to you.
SPEAKER_01I went, I have I have a new trick for um, you know, I don't really engage people at the gym. We've talked about that as well. Um but I was at the gym recently and I saw the most beautiful woman I had ever seen in my life. Like I was distracted, I couldn't, I couldn't focus. Yeah, she was so beautiful, tall, blonde, like symmetrical face, tan, this body, yeah, insane, like just this insane. And she was there with her boyfriend, who was also equally gorgeous. Right. And she kept catching me, staring at her. Yeah, like she looked at me looking at her multiple times, like two or three times. Right. And I was like, oh god, she thinks I'm probably being a creep or whatever. And then, but I found a new trick to like break that ice because twice she came to use a machine after I had used it. Yeah, and on the second time when she came over, I go, What are you following me on my machines? And she goes, What? And I go, just kidding. I said, I feel like you saw me looking at you multiple times, and I promise I'm not a creep. And I pulled out my phone, I showed her my wallpaper of me and you, and you're you're giving me a kiss on the cheek. I go, I'm gay, this is my husband, but you are the prettiest woman I've ever seen in my life.
SPEAKER_00And she was like, Oh my god, thank you. Right.
SPEAKER_01And I was like, I'm guessing that's your boyfriend over there. She goes, Yeah, I go, that makes sense. He's also gorgeous. And it's like, she, but you could tell she just hears that all day long. That's how beautiful she was. But it was distracting, and I could only imagine like what it's like for an actual straight guy to have to like but you realize this is a part of my act now that there's something I've talked about. I know that's why I'm bringing it up because it happened to me in real life. But the the trick I found of the wall of the wallpaper being like, hi, I'm gay. This is my husband, but like, and then giving a compliment. No, not that it's obviously extremely obvious that I'm gay as soon as I open my mouth, but I had the same thing happen in London.
SPEAKER_00The same exact thing. This woman who was I was imagine Cindy Cindy Cro Cindy Crawford. Cindy Crawford. Cindy Crawford, like I I can't even, she was so stunning, and I I had to talk to her, and it was just perfect enough that she came to where I was. It'd been creepy if I walked over to her. But she wasn't. That's what I'm saying. I didn't walk over to her.
SPEAKER_01She was f kind of following my g my machines.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. But I I I I long story short, I ended up giving her a piece of instruction. Um, like on because what she was doing was was a little bit wrong. So it's kind of like she didn't ask for coaching or or trainer instruction. But then, but then I after I said it, I go, you should do this and this and that and that. And then uh and then I said, It's a technique my husband taught me. She goes, Oh.
SPEAKER_01I know, but the visual of the wallpaper on your phone is very powerful.
SPEAKER_00Right. No, but that's like saying, I'm gay, it's my husband. I just want to tell you you're beautiful, you know, that's still difficult.
SPEAKER_01Because I I just I don't want anyone to like feel creeped out ever. Right. My other thing at the gym is that I will not spot you.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, we spoke about this too.
SPEAKER_01You know, no, but it happens all the time now. No. Like guys are coming up to me, they're like, Can you spot me? And I go, No. And they get really mad.
SPEAKER_00It's so rude. Just to just to hear it is so rude. I know, and I I'm not trying to be rude, but like but you I hope you say I I I'm sorry. What I say is I don't do that. Those of you who don't know what spot means, it's when you're lifting heavy weight, somebody's helping you and making sure you're okay, and it also allows you to get an extra one or two reps in. Yes. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01You shouldn't be uh you if you're working out with a friend who you know, fine. Don't ask a stranger to spot you at the gym. A, I don't know what your max is. I don't know if you've done this before. I don't know. And and God forbid something happens and you do get hurt, and I'm the one who was supposed to save you from the weight.
SPEAKER_00Uh in my early days in the 80s and 90s, when I asked somebody to spot, you would always say to them when we used to wear those big belts, I would say to them, I'm gonna try to get eight. I might need your help by like six or seven. That's what you say to people.
SPEAKER_01Listen, I am not a personal trainer. This is my time at the gym. I'm not here to work out with you. Do lift weight that you know you can lift. And if you need help, hire a trainer or a friend. Go to the gym with a buddy. Do not recruit me, do not walk across the gym, make me take my headphone out and say, Can you come over here to the other side to the bench press and make sure I don't hurt myself? Are you kidding?
SPEAKER_00Well, they see that you're a big guy and big muscles, and they think you're like super strong and can and can do that and help them with it and know what you're doing, but it's also an opportunity to help somebody. You make it.
SPEAKER_01It's not that I don't want to make it to meet somebody that you but you know what spawned all of this is that one time I said yes, and then he told me that I did it wrong.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_01And I was so angry, I could have thrown a barbell at his face. I was so mad because he was dropping it and I went to lift him, and he goes, No, not yet. And then he goes, You didn't, I didn't tell you to lift it yet. I was like, Well, it didn't look like you had it. And I wanted to smash his face in with a dumbbell. Like, I was so mad. I was like, never ever, ever, ever again am I offering this spots on him at the gym.
SPEAKER_00I was in the treadmill one time and I was watching you, and this stunning guy asked you to help him, and you go, No, I was watching the whole thing.
SPEAKER_01They're so surprised when you say no. They like, they like it doesn't register for the first time.
SPEAKER_00It's like literally, it's literally like there's an old woman crossing the road. It's like that is not the same, it is all that is not the same thing. It's not on the same level.
SPEAKER_01It's like helping an old woman cross the road and helping some bro lift 300 pounds is not the same thing.
SPEAKER_00But to say no to them, it's there's so like it's so not like what they're thinking.
SPEAKER_01They don't even know it's an option to say no. That's why they're like so surprised. Right, they're in shock. But this is let this be a reminder that as Oprah says, no is a complete sentence. Oprah said that it's one of Oprah's most favorite uh famous quotes. No is a complete sentence. You should say no more often. And you're allowed to say no to things. Okay. I'm not trying to be rude, it's not coming from a rude uh place. This is just from experience. Okay. My other thing at the gym currently is that I don't think any of you on the elliptical are actually doing anything.
SPEAKER_00I don't know. I don't think you have I used to have I used to love the elliptical.
SPEAKER_01I'm looking at everyone on the elliptical and they're on there for a while. And they're always, it's always like the same people on the elliptical. And you never look at someone who's doing like 90 minutes on the elliptical, you never look at them and be like, yeah, that's what I'm aiming for fitness-wise.
SPEAKER_00No, no. I used to have a whole elliptical.
SPEAKER_01Um just walk on the treadmill, just run on the treadmill. No, no, no.
SPEAKER_00You have to mix it up in elliptical. I used to do it special, like rave music.
SPEAKER_01Is it because you're also pulling your arms?
SPEAKER_00It's supposed to be like toning up here. Well, it's the main thing is that you that your joints aren't being pounded. So you're you're there's no jogging and no running, but you can move very fast. But people don't have the right form.
SPEAKER_01Yesterday when we were at the gym, that woman, we were on the treadmill next to each other. The one that next to me was an elliptical, and she's going like this.
SPEAKER_00But she wasn't doing it right.
SPEAKER_01It was so loud that I was like, oh, I can't be here. And I love it.
SPEAKER_00If you want to talk about things that drive me crazy in the gym that people do awful, I love this like yes. Yes, the the rowing machine. Oh, yeah, that I know that because people don't have no one's doing it correctly. The craziest is when the trainer is standing over them, that means nothing correcting them. That means nothing. So when you when you when you're on the rowing machine, on the erg, it's called an erg, you pull and you kind of get like a you you pull, you straighten your legs out, and then you bring it in as a like it's a um like almost like a like a sit up.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but pause you know this because you rode and also your dad is super into rowing. Right. So you grew up with like ergs in the house.
SPEAKER_00We grew up with ergs in the house, and I was on the on the team in Boston and um for like one semester. Um, and then you have to release the chain back past your knees and then bend your knees and go. Otherwise, you're doing things like this, and it's a chain, like a bicycle chain. And if you do that wrong, it could snap and break, and that thing will slap you in the face and kick your eye out, God forbid. And you're doing they're doing it wrong, and their trainers are like, yeah, they're good, they're good, good, good. And like they don't know. You need to know how to do the erg right. Yeah, and it's um it's crazy to watch. It's so dangerous when you see like picking, like doing like this, or when the guy's trying to do it like it's a side row, you're gonna break that chain. It's oh, I haven't seen the side row. Yeah, when they think like, yeah, I'm like a side row. So stupid. Again, this is the moment where we thank God that this is a good thing. And also thank our sponsors. And
Sponsor Shout Outs And Gratitude
SPEAKER_00thank our sponsors. We wanna so stupid. We want to thank uh we want to thank, we want to thank all of you for being. I feel anybody listening to this is our sponsor. Um, we want to thank uh Whites and Luxembourg, the law firm that not only does well, they do good, super philanthropic, and they are a part of our our podcast family. Um, thank you to Randy for listening and Arthur for being told from Randy what we're talking about. And thank you uh to AH Provisions, the most delicious glott kosher foods that is out there, packaged beautifully, delivered beautifully, amazing merch. Um, 30% off of your first order on kosher dogs.net. These are the best hot dogs in the world. And get some uh uh and they're available at Trader Joe's, by the way, along with other places, and people who listen to the podcast always send us pictures of their products. We want to thank the Center for Jewish History, this unbelievable beautiful place with the biggest archive of Jewish uh um uh uh artifacts other than it outside of Israel, and it is an amazing place. You should definitely come visit, go to their website and um and take a tour here. It's it's stunning, it's it's great, and we love that we are partnering up with these podcasts with them. So thank you again to the Center for Jewish History and uh and thank you for coming to shows that we have upcoming.
SPEAKER_01Um yeah, but we're not done yet. We could have a few more things we could talk about.
SPEAKER_00What else did you want to talk about?
A Government Paid Break To Reset
SPEAKER_01Um I had a proposal that if we're not getting health care from the government, yes, this is what I think they should do. And this is in addition to PTO that people are getting from their jobs. Depending on your tax return or how much money you make, the government it's if they're not if they don't want to give us health care, yeah. They should give us an additional two weeks paid. Not us, because I don't have a real job, but people should get an additional two weeks paid, kind of like when they sent the stimulus checks out for COVID. Remember those? You should get two weeks of your salary paid by the government for you to do uh but you have to use it as like a a relaxing thing. Like you have to check into like a retreat or like a hotel or go camping or go be in nature because I feel like it would do a lot for society if people were just had the resources to go touch some grass. Don't you think that's nice? It's very nice. But isn't that what RFK is trying to do with those farms he was talking about? Did you hear about that? I heard about that, yeah. He wants to send people to go work on farms, yeah. As like mental health care.
SPEAKER_00I think it's a good thing. They should do that. It's crazy.
SPEAKER_01Well, like a kibbutz for crazy people.
SPEAKER_00A kibbutz for my shagna's uh m shaguts. I don't know. I thought that was something maybe nothing, nothing on that one.
SPEAKER_01Um well, because you know, like people in Europe get they're like, well, they're like first we protest for like a week, and then we take like eight weeks paid vacation, and then all of August no work, and then like we don't have any of that here, and that's why everyone is doing horrible things in Europe.
SPEAKER_00They take off the entire month of August. I think they live longer and they're happier and smoke like it's smoke like it's like it's gonna prevent cancer from happening. They they they they they smoke. By the way, shout out to Musinex. I'm not paid, not paid, not paid, but I recently discovered Musinex rediscovered.
SPEAKER_01We're not talking about Musinex. Okay, okay. Remember how one of your most viral clips was when you were as Yoili? The character discussing Tiger King? Yes. So if you loved Tiger King, what are they gonna love? Monsters of God. Wow. By the make it's the same people, I think, who made Tiger King. Tiger King, wow.
SPEAKER_00It is one of those shows that have you ever been in the middle of America and you go for a walk in the mall and you go, Wow, I'm in amazing shape. Wow, I'm I'm doing well. I'm doing well, I am doing much better than I thought. That's what this show is.
SPEAKER_01If you think you're crazy, it's Tiger King, but with reptiles, like the snip people who are into like snakes and lizards and crocodiles and crazy things.
SPEAKER_00And there's drugs and murder and murder and it's got everything, and they're all backstabbing each other, and it's done so well, and you just feel and they're they're crazy people, and you're like, wow, that's out there. I'm I'm really doing well. Yeah, that's one of those shows we're gonna do it. I'm dying for the next episode. I am doing well, yeah. It's a great, it's highly recommended, highly, highly recognition, and shards. Oh yeah, shards, folks. On Hulu, Shards, Ryan Murphy, and it is about um these high school kids that are living in, I don't know, with this world that they're all all their parents are away, so they're living alone in mansions, and it's in the 80s, and everything is all the cars are amazing, the looks are amazing, the clothing, everything is just great.
SPEAKER_01What was that called in the 80s? Uh, it was called a latch key kid. Yes, I was a latch key kid. Latch key just meant you would come from from school and your parents were at work still.
SPEAKER_00Right. So you you had the the the key for the house on your on your necklace, on like a on like a a shoestring. And then you came home, so you know this you kept it all day long on your on your on your shoestring on the on your neck, and you came home and you opened the door and you put the key on the latch. You were a latch key kid. Oh wow. We did it, we we we we hid the key underneath a rock by the front door, and then I opened But I m my mom was working, so I you were a latchkey kid.
SPEAKER_01I was a latchke kid. So these in this show, Shards, they're like 80s rich preppy latchkey kids, basically.
SPEAKER_00They just have their cars, and and the neponess going on there is on another level. Cindy Crawford's daughter, who plays an 18-year-old, but she looks not like an 18-year-old, but she's a good one.
SPEAKER_01She looks like Den Colto with Cindy Crawford. It's crazy.
SPEAKER_00She looks stunning.
SPEAKER_01Richard Gere's son is the other one, and there's other people.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and there's other ones, yeah. And I mean it's crazy. It's a great show. It's nothing. It's Ryan Murphy, which is just how do we get to the next nude young person scene? That's all it is. It's like it's like here's dialogue, shirt off, jumping in the pool, Tokus being shown, and enjoyed the nakedness. It's it's really what it is. And it's okay.
Watch Lists Tour Dates And Listener Calls
SPEAKER_00Seeing Modi Live is the best show in the world. Oh my God, yes. Seeing Modi do an hour and 10 minutes where you're laughing with an entire room is great. Come and see me. I am performing all over. We have shows. Um God, give it to us, Leo. Just like run through like an auction almost.
SPEAKER_01Huntington, New York, Montclair, New Jersey coming soon, Stanford, Connecticut, Atlantic City, London, two shows in London, uh, Toronto, Raleigh, North Carolina, Nashville, Tennessee, Ottawa, Ontario, Montreal, Quebec, Sacramento, California, and then coming soon, LA, Fort Lauderdale, and Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. Wait lists are on the website for those cities if you want to be first to know.
SPEAKER_00And be the friend who brings the friend. Be the friend that brings the friends to the comedy show that creates Mashiach energy. Yes. Invite friends, get some extra tickets, always have extra tickets to the shows. You'll always find someone who needs it.
SPEAKER_01I'm doing that tonight, actually. What? I'm going to a comedy show tonight. You are?
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Without you. I know. Nothing to do with you. I'm going to go see what the kids are up to. I'm doing field research at a comedy club.
SPEAKER_00That's because you're doing a little casting for some stuff, too. Okay. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I brought I bought three tickets, so I'm bringing friends.
SPEAKER_00Good for you. Yeah. Yeah. Supporting comedy. That's it. Support live comedy. And supports you, believe me. So be the friend that brings the friends to the comedy show. Everything for our shows are available on ModiLive.com. Um and that's it. Stay in touch. Let us know what you think. Let us know what we said that upset you or made you happy. Don't let us know. No, I love, I love that. You shouldn't have said, but you did say about on the voice notes.
SPEAKER_01I love the voice notes. Yeah. So on um SpeakPipe, if you go to the AHM underscore podcast Instagram page, in the link in the bio, there's something called SpeakPipe, and it allows you to send record a voice memo and send us like a little voicemail basically, and we can listen to it. And we love getting those.
SPEAKER_00That's it. So thank you very much. And thank you again to the Center for Jewish History.
SPEAKER_01Um and if you're sorry, one more thing. If you are listening to this, whatever you're listening to it on, if you're listening on Spotify, hit like or follow. If you're on YouTube, leave a comment and hit the little thumbs up button. If you're on Apple Podcasts, leave us a star rating. All those little engagements and things that you add help feed the show to new listeners. So if you're enjoying the show, give us five stars or just write a comment. Even if it's just a heart emoji, it helps uh, you know, everything's about the algorithm, unfortunately. So that's it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Okay. Thank you all very much. Um, happy, healthy new year. It's coming up.
SPEAKER_01And uh we have another episode coming soon, so don't worry.
SPEAKER_00Yep. Bye. Bye.